Secrets
by FirePhoenix84
Summary: Station 51 receives their first female firefighter. From the start things don't seem right with her. As Stoker befriends her he learns she is struggling with a past that haunts her. While helping her work through her pain, their relationship grows into so much more. Will their new found relationship survive when the unthinkable happens? Rated T for strong language.
1. Chapter 1

Ch. 1

Flames and thick black surrounded the pair as they attempted to advance through the warehouse. It was uncomfortably hot, but they carried on. Despite the team's best efforts the dragon continued to advance. It had been two long arduous hours and exhaustion crept up on the pair. As they were preparing to trade places Captain Moore's voice came over the radio.

"Engine 12 to HT 12."

"This is HT 12, go ahead Engine 12."

"The fire is advancing quickly in your direction. Get out of there!"

"10-4 Cap. We are on our way."

"Come on Jesse; we got to jet!"

His partner shook her head continuing to advance deeper.

"Come on Weaver! Give me a couple more minutes I…"

"You heard Captain. Now let's GO!"

Weaver grabbed her arm. Reluctantly she gave in and turned off the water. She didn't need a chewing from Captain. When he gave orders he meant it and did not tolerate insubordination. His punishments for such actions were harsh to say the least. Together they headed out navigating through the fiery debris and hoses being sure to keep contact with the other. Thick black smoke-filled the area making it dark. It was getting hotter which meant the dragon was close and getting closer. She quickened her pace not noticing that he'd lost his grip on her. As she continued forward Jesse began to feel the floor beneath her feet shift.

She turned to grab Weaver, but it was too late he was gone. Jesse quickly scanned the area hoping he'd jumped out of the way, but all she saw were embers and smoke pouring out of a freshly opened hole. She quickly ran to the edge of the hole seeing it led into a basement. _I don't recall Captain mentioning anything about a basement. _She quickly scanned the area afraid he had fallen to the bottom. Her pulse rate quickened and she began to feel short of breath, panic was setting in.

Two feet directly below her she saw him hanging on to a beam protruding from the floor, his grip quickly failing. She fell to the floor and belly crawled to the opening. Reaching out Jesse grabbed Weaver's jacket and SCBA straps. She tried desperately to pull him up. Her arms felt as though they were tearing apart, but she refused to give up. _Come on! Come on! I can't give up. I can't lose my brother. _She struggled to keep her grip. The straps were cutting into her hands despite the gloves.

"Jess let me go! There is no sense in both of us falling."

"No Brandon. I'm not letting you go. Give me your hand."

"No Jess, LET GO! It will be ok."

She looked into his face surprised to see no fear there; his blue eyes were calm and peaceful.

"It will be ok. Just let go. I'll be with you always."

Jess began to slip forward and she screamed feeling the embers burning through her jacket and in her stomach. Her grip quickly diminished as her left shoulder popped. Her frantic efforts to regain her grip only accelerated her slide to the edge of the hole. Her fingers slipped from under the straps. Unable to hang on any longer she watched in horror as he fell into the smoke and fire filled abyss.

"NNNNNOOOOOOO!"

Bolting upright in her bed, Jesse awakened from the nightmare. She was in her room drenched in sweat and breathing heavily. She stared into the darkness still seeing the look on Brandon's face as he fell. "Shit! When will this stop?!" She yelled into the quiet. _All that damn counseling and medication for what? So the memories of that night can still haunt me?_ After glancing at the alarm clock she cursed.

"That figures, its four A.M. That was the time that IT happened."

She picked up the clock and threw it against the wall in a fit of rage. The impact with the wall caused it to explode.

She stumbled around in the darkness trying to avoid the unpacked boxes that littered the floor. Once in the kitchen she filled the coffee pot with water. As she was adding the grounds she remembered her probationary time at Station 12.

"_Damn it, Johnson! How many times to I have to tell you it's the Probies job to make the coffee! It better be good."_

"_Lay off Davis. She's still new. If you will quit your bitching and look; she already has it made. It's not bad either."_

_Davis snatched up the pot. _

"_We'll see about that!" _

_Taking a sip his eyebrows rose in surprise. He turned toward Jesse sitting at the table reading the paper. _

"_Not bad Probie. It's not great but it's not bad. Hell at least it's better than that shit McGreggor serves." _

Jesse chuckled as she set the pot on the stove. She missed the guys at Station 12, but she knew that things would never be the same there, not after what she'd done. The department psychiatrist said she was running from the problem when she announced that she would be moving to Carson, California. In an act of defiance she told the shrink that he could go to hell and proceeded to tear her file in half.

When she arrived in Carson things didn't get better. The brass at the LA County fire department was reluctant in hiring the first female ever to their department. However after seeing her résumé and some convincing by their attorney they agreed to a place as lineman at Station 51 on the condition that there would be no special treatment. Special treatment was not something that she wanted anyway.

Two and a half hours later she pulled into the station and parked beside a white Rover. Getting out of her truck she grabbed her gear bag and took a long deep breath. Jesse felt nervous as she crossed the parking lot into the apparatus bay. The first thing she noticed was a rescue squad. She hung her head and gave a long sigh. _Great! The one station that has an opening comes complete with a paramedic rescue squad._ She wondered how the guys would receive her. Taking a calming deep breath she headed toward the captain's office.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch. 2

John sat at the kitchen table searching the plate of donuts for a jelly filled. He picked up each donut and looked under it hoping he only over looked his favorite flavor. Taking a plain cake off the top he gave a discouraged look as he shoved the plate to Chet.

"Gee all I want is a jelly filled; is that too much to ask?"

"Well, Johnny, if you'd get here early enough there might be one here.", Mike said calmly as he placed his mug in the sink and proceeded to the bay.

Roy topped off his empty cup of coffee and joined his partner at the table. He placed his arm on the table as he took a long drink of the stout black liquid; he gave a smile as he realized it was Stoker's coffee. He leaned toward the two men seated with him.

"You know, I'm really happy for Marco; I never thought he'd get assigned so quickly. I hear 46's is a great place to work."

John shot him a famous Gage smile as he dunked his donut in the lukewarm coffee. He was glad for Marco, but also sad about how much he'd be missed.

"Yeah and think of all the extra money being an engineer will provide. I mean he has to think about his growing family. Did you know his wife is expecting twins?"

"Twins?! Wow, that's a lot for new parents to handle. It can be real scary." Roy set his mug down.

"Well whatever scary thing you all are talking about will have to wait." Captain Stanley said as he entered the day room carrying his famous clipboard and a cup of coffee.

He threw the clipboard on the table as he headed to the stove for more coffee. A concerned and worried look filled his lean face. He stared at the men sitting at the table from under his thick eyebrows. He worried how his crew would handle the news from headquarters.

"Well, I finally heard from headquarters about Marco's replacement. We are getting the department's first female firefighter."

John leaned forward as he pointed two fingers at his superior. He knit his eyebrows in confusion; surely Cap was kidding.

"Come on Cap you're pulling our leg, a girl?"

"Yes John, a girl will be replacing Marco."

"B-b-but Cap…"

Roy leaned back in his chair as he turned his mug around. He knew this day was coming, but hadn't expected it so soon.

"I don't have a problem as long as she can do her job as well as the next guy."

"Thanks Roy. It's an adjustment for all of us. However McConikee assures me that she is quite capable. I want everyone to make her feel welcome. Let me make it clear I do not want any of you trying to get a date; she is here to do a job and nothing more."

John leaned forward placing his arms on the table.

"AWWW! Come on Cap! Not even a couple of drinks at McMillan's?" He said jokingly.

Giving him a stern look Cap pointed his clipboard at him.

"No John! That's an order, pal."

Roy laughed from behind his mug. John would do anything to score a date with a new female.

"It's ok, John. I doubt you'd be her type anyway."

"Shut up Roy! Who are you to say who my type is?"

Jesse stopped at the doorway when she overheard the guys voicing their opinion at receiving a female as a replacement. Feeling the knot in her stomach tighten she dropped her gear bag to the floor. A sudden wave of nausea caused her to feel faint. Her heart raced and her pulse rang loudly in her ears.

_Not again, not here! _

As she reached her hand out to lean against the wall she took a deep breath in trying to calm her nerves. Her hands began to tremble uncontrollably as the nausea increased. Jess took several more slow and deep breaths.

_Come on Jess, get it together. It's a new station with a fresh start; they don't know what you did._ _That's the reason I moved this far from home._

After the feeling passed she bent down to pick up her gear bag.

"Hey are you ok?"

The voice from behind caused her to jump; she thought the entire crew was in the kitchen. She turned around to see a handsome tall man polishing a chrome nozzle. His sandy hair was neatly kept and his department blue shirt stretched tightly across his broad chest. Her palms started to sweat and her mouth became dry as she struggled to find the words to respond.

_Damn, he's hot!_

"Yeah…. " She paused as she noticed his bright blue eyes. "I'm fine."

He pointed toward the day room with the nozzle and flashed a smile that caused her heart to melt.

"I wouldn't pay any attention to them. Just give them some time and they will learn that you're just as capable as the next guy; change is hard for them. I'm Mike Stoker, engineer." He stated as he held out his hand.

She shook his hand firmly as she turned her gaze to the side of the squad. Fearing her eyes would show the pain she felt she tried to avoid eye contact when possible. It was easier this way.

"Jesse Johnson."

Mike smiled warmly as he looked her over. She was slightly shorter than he was coming only to his shoulder, thin and athletic. Even though she probably wore a small her department shirt was a tad too big. Her short black hair and honey colored skin revealed she was probably of Native American descent.

"Welcome to 51's."

_Damn she's good looking. I love that short hair; it would look even hotter if she spiked it. Most girls can't pull it off, but wow she's got it nailed. Cool it, Cap would never approve; he just gave a no dating order._

John came barreling out of the room running right into Jesse. The momentum of the impact knocked her right into Mike who stopped her from falling to the floor. Feeling his strong yet gentle hands holding her waist caused her pulse to increase and her face turned bright red.

"John, will you watch where you're going. Jesse are you ok?"

As Mike helped her stand all she could do was nod and stare at the tall lean and almost boyish person in front of her. A look of surprise filled his dark face.

_She's Native American! God I hope Chet leaves her alone; I don't want the Phantom to cause her grief over her heritage._

"I'm sorry! I didn't see you there."

Feeling Mike's hand on the small of her back caused her heart skipped a beat_. _John threw up his hands and stormed off to the squad. He slammed the doors and muttered under his breath as he checked the equipment.

"Uh excuse me."

A stocky strawberry blond man came out of the day room and approached the squad. As he passed her she noticed a paramedic patch on his sleeve.

"Johnny hang on. Let's talk about this."

John slammed a door on the side of the squad before roughly opening another. He yanked the bio-com out of the side compartment as he glared fiercely at his partner.

"Talk about what, Roy? There's nothing bothering me. It's just...just...forget it."

Roy placed his hand on the equipment door as he shook his head. Even after six years of working with John; he still had a hard time understanding him.

"Johnny you've been going on all morning about it, and then you tell me to forget it. You're a real puzzle."

Jess watched carefully the interaction between the two. Their relationship resembled her and Brandon's. One was level-headed and the other flew off on wild tangents. They were a perfect fit for each other. Upon hearing approaching footsteps she looked toward what she assumed was the Captain's office. A tall lanky man sporting thick almost unruly eyebrows and wearing Captain's bugles placed his hand on Mike's shoulder.

"Mike, I see you've met Jesse. I'm Captain Stanley, welcome to 51."

Jesse shook his hand again avoiding eye contact. Cap noticed her avoiding his gaze, but let it pass as first day jitters.

"Thanks sir. I'm looking forward to working here."

Cap held up his hand. "Please call me Cap or Captain; sir is too formal save that for the chief. Mike show her the dorm and her locker pal. Gage in my office NOW!"

She was surprised at how friendly and approachable he was. It was a stark contrast to Captain Moore, who always demanded he be called 'Sir'.

"Sure Cap. Come on the locker room is this way. We'll get your gear situated. Then it will be time for roll call and you'll meet the rest of the crew."

As they headed around the engine Jesse stared in amazement.

_Wow! It's bigger than the one at 12's._

He led her through a door to the locker area. The lockers were simple with wooden doors; she liked them better than the metal ones at 12's. He passed one grouping of lockers and stopped three down on the next set.

"Ok well you can use Marco's old locker seeing as how it's the only one open. It's right here by mine and Chet's."

She opened the locker and set her bag on the floor of it. The sound of frantic footsteps startled her. Mike suddenly lost his balance almost running into her.

"Move it Stoker! I'm running late. You would not believe…Hey does Cap know you have a girl in here?"

"Yes. Jesse meet Chester B. Kelly, your partner. He is also known as The Phantom so watch your back."

Chet looked her up and down in suspicion. He thought it was some kind of a joke till he saw the seriousness on Mike's face.

"Call me Chet babe. Only my mother calls me Chester. I'm glad to meet you and look forward to working a line with you. Now please move I don't want latrine duty today. Oh and he's right about The Phantom, he lurks everywhere!"

"Don't have to worry about that. John has already made latrine officer of the day and possibly the rest of the month."

"Damn Stoker! What did he do, burn Cap's hat?"

Jessie quietly chuckled at the short Irishman. His mustache reminded her of Davis. Luckily he didn't seem as abrupt and rude. Davis was always telling people to 'Respect the 'stash'. The short Irish engineer didn't like her and was always causing her trouble. She learned early on how to properly handle a charged line. In order to show his displeasure at having a female on department he would often over charge her line.

Jesse unpacked her turnout gear and placed her toiletries on the shelf of her locker. She had brought only one set of department blues in case of emergency, the rest stayed at home. She never felt comfortable leaving more than one set. At 12's the guys thought it was funny to cover her uniforms with itching powder. As she hung them in the locker she asked Mike where they kept the turnouts.

"Well the pants and boots go by your bed. We only use them at night. You can leave your helmet and jacket on the seat behind mine. I don't think Chet would like it if you put them on his seat. Come and I will show you your bunk."

Mike led her through the door between the locker room and the dorm.

"This one is yours. Cap thought it best to put you here."

He pointed to a bunk across the walkway from the Captain's desk and right next to the door leading to the showers and another leading to the apparatus bay.

"Just put your pants and boots at the end of the bed there. It's almost time for roll call so let's head back to the bay."

Jesse placed her equipment on the seat directly behind the driver's seat. She was still in awe over the massive size of the Ward. She placed her cap on her head and took her place in the lineup as Cap called roll call. Captain Stanley reviewed the notes attached to his clipboard before addressing his crew.

"Well first off, I'd like to introduce our newest crew member, Jesse Johnson…"

The Klaxons sounded. "Station 51 car accident at the corner of Las Colinas Boulevard and Sunset Boulevard. Las Colinas and Sunset. Time out 7:15." Jesse removed her cap as she headed toward the engine. Passing John she noticed the stern look on his face. She wondered the reason why Ca[ called him into his office. She hoped he wasn't in too much trouble.

_Cap's office must not have been kind. _


	3. Chapter 3

Ch. 3

Engine 51 pulled on a dismal scene. Jessie turned in her seat cringing at what she saw. The accident involved two vehicles. A Chevy pickup had collided with a Dodge Charger then ricochet into a telephone pole which leaned precariously. Power lines were draped over the cab of the truck creating a hazard. The Charger had rolled on the driver's side and more than likely was leaking fuel. Police were already on scene and trying to control the growing crowd.

"LA Engine 51 at scene. We have a two vehicle accident with injuries unknown. Request ambulance this location."

"10-4 Engine 51"

"Chet pull an inch and a half and wash down that gas. We don't need that to go. Jesse assist Roy and John with extrication."

Jesse headed toward the Charger. Roy had already begun his assessment of the driver. She crouched down to his level noticing his face looked grim. The victim was entangled in the dashboard; blood covered her face and shirt.

Jesse already knew the answer but asked anyway. "What do you have Roy?"

He crawled out from under the car. He shook his head.

"She's gone, bled out from a punctured carotid. I'm going to help John. Get a blanket and cover the victim; the crowd doesn't need to see that."

Her heart sank the woman looked so young. Jesse nodded and ran to the engine for an asbestos blanket.

"What do you need?" Mike called out from the control panel.

"Asbestos blanket."

Mike opened a compartment next to the pump panel and handed it to her. Noticing her face he inquired, "That bad huh?"

Jesse sadly nodded as she returned to the car. Losing a victim always bothered her. As she was placing the blanket across the woman she noticed a small shoe wedged between the seats. She reached out and gently pulled on the shoe; it retracted. Jesse's heart raced as she moved to the rear door on her stomach.

"Hello? Can you hear me?"

She heard a small whimper and proceeded to remove the debris that was around her. Upon removal of a suitcase and a jacket she found a small girl.

"Hi sweetheart, hang on we're going to get you out. Are you hurt anywhere?"

The child nodded and pointed toward her trapped leg.

"It hurts really bad. Please help me."

Jesse started to move backward out of the wreckage.

"Ok hang on. I will be right back; I have to get help."

"No don't leave me! I'm scared."

"It will be ok, but I need you to stay calm, all right? I have to get some friends to help us."

"Ok my leg hurts really bad. Please help me."

Jesse leaned out from under the door.

"Cap, I need help over here! There's a small child trapped in the backseat."

She crawled further into the narrow space. The rear door had been completely caved in by the impact and the seat was loose making entry almost impossible. Her jacket caught on a piece of metal that hung down from the B-pillar. She pulled hard and winced when she heard it tear. The metal dug into her and she felt a warmth roll down her shoulder. _Great! First day and I tear my jacket. _She ignored it proceeding with the task at hand. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out a pen light.

"Ok sweetheart. My name's Jesse. I'm going to check you out. If anything hurts let me know, ok?"

Jesse checked the child's pulse and respirations. Shining the light into the child's eyes she noticed they were unequal.

"Jesse what do you have?"

_Great. Figures John would be the first over. _

"A girl, she has her leg trapped under the passenger seat. Her pulse is 130 and respiration is 24 and shallow. Pupils are unequal but reactive. I can't tell how bad the injury to her leg is. I need a c-collar and the porta-power."

John stood stunned holding the bio-com and drug box. _Did she just rap off vitals?! Why does she need a c-collar? That's not standard protocol. She's not a paramedic. But then again maybe the girl really needs it. Jess is in there and I'm not._

"Ok porta-power is on its way."

He reached into the trauma box that Cap had brought over and removed a c-collar.

"Here's you c-collar."

John passed the collar through the narrow space. Grabbing it she turned her attention to the terrified child.

"What's your name?"

"C-c-Cindy. What's that for?"

"Cindy this is a special necklace. It helps keep you from getting hurt while we move you out."

"It's not very pretty."

Jesse laughed.

"True but on you it will look like a necklace made for a princess."

She gently wrapped it around the child's neck securing the Velcro tightly. John leaned in the car handing her the equipment.

"Here's the porta-power. Do you need anything else?"

Jesse shook her head as she placed it under the edge of the passenger seat. It was a small space and she felt like a circus contortionist.

"Ok Cindy I need you to stay very still. This may hurt a little but I need you to be very brave. I will have you out soon."

Jesse pumped the lever till she heard the seat pop forward. Reaching under the seat she gently removed the child's foot.

"Owwww. It hurts!" Cindy screamed.

Jesse did a quick assessment of the injury before backing out with her. She noticed a fair amount of red blood was pouring from a long gash on her leg. _Possible arterial damage. _Outside the car John and Roy were waiting with a backboard unsure if they would need it or not. Jesse gently placed the child on it.

"Ok Cindy, you were very brave. I have to go, but I'm leaving you with a friend. This is John; he's going to take care of you. John, watch her leg, she has a possible fracture with arterial injury."

Ignoring the pain in her shoulder Jesse gently patted the child on her arm and proceeded to the engine to see if Chet needed any help.

John watched as Jess walked away, making note that she favored her left shoulder. He was still confused about her actions. _She acted like a medic, but Cap hasn't said anything about it._ _Maybe they trained their firemen different where she's from._


	4. Chapter 4

Ch. 4

Jess stayed with Chet on the inch and a half line in case the power lines caused a fire. She studied the man in front of her; he was a tad taller than her sporting a stocky build. His curly hair danced in the gentle breeze. He seemed friendly enough; maybe a tad annoying.

When the power company arrived Cap gave the order to roll up the lines. She climbed to the top of the engine and proceeded to place the line back in the cross lay. Mike watched her carefully from the corner of his eye; he had a certain way he liked the hose to lay. Jess caught him watching her; she crouched down on one knee at the edge of the cross lay. She knew each engineer had a specific way he liked the hose. He turned his face away quickly.

"Is there a problem, Stoker?"

Cap watched from his post on the other side of the Ward. Mike was anal about almost everything on the engine. He wanted to see how Jess would handle his scrutiny of her hose laying techniques. Mike walked to the rear of the cross lay. He ran his hand up and down the folded hose making sure it was even with the edge of the bottom of the cross lay. Then he checked the distance between the sides.

"I'm impressed; its way better than when Chet does it. Here let me help you down." He replied as he placed his hands on her narrow hips.

Feeling her pulse quicken Jess quickly pushed his hands away. "It's ok; I can do it."

She slid down to the tail fin and quickly headed to her seat. She tried hard not to focus on how his touch made her feel; it was electric. Mike watched her retreat to the safety of her seat. He was a tad confused; all he wanted to do was help her down.

_Maybe I made her uncomfortable. _

E!

Once back at the station Jesse made a quick retreat to the locker room. She pulled out the necessary items from her gear bag placing them on the bench. As she sat down she removed her jacket and inspected the tear.

_Damn another $300; guess old habits die hard. Maybe I will get a discount if I order them in bulk._

She laughed to herself then let out a long sigh. Today was the worst first day on record. She overstepped her job description and got injured in the process. Now she had to buy a new jacket and a replacement shirt. Not to mention the guys here were apprehensive about her being there.

After carefully removing her shirt she inspected the damage in the mirror. Her flesh was torn in a jagged line from the top of her shoulder down just below the curve of the upper part of the shoulder blade. Bright red blood seeped from the open wound.

_Shit it really needs stitches; I don't have time to do them here. Oh well butterflies it is. There's only 21 hours left in this shift. It will be cutting it close, but I have no other choice. _

She carefully tore the medical tape, formed it into butterflies and pulled the wound closed. After applying the nonstick pad she quickly put on her extra shirt. As she was hiding evidence of her injury in her bag John came in.

"Um sorry didn't know you were in here."

Jesse shrugged and directed her eyes to an imaginary spot on the floor. She softly jabbed the toe of her boots across the concrete.

"It's ok I'm done. I'll get out of your way." She replied as she closed her locker. As she turned to leave her gaze never left the floor.

"Uh Jesse?" John reached out and placed his hand on her bad shoulder.

Pain radiated across her back causing her to inhale sharply. Realizing that he'd hurt her he quickly withdrew his hand. Concern filled his chocolate brown eyes.

_So I did see something other than a torn jacket. Why didn't she tell anyone? What is she afraid of?_

"I wanted to ask you about what happened back there. Ya know when you were in the car with the victim. You're more than just a firefighter aren't you?"

She shifted uncomfortably not liking where this conversation was leading. She'd hoped to hide her extensive medical background; she no longer wanted any part of the paramedic program. In her eyes she no longer deserved the rank of firefighter paramedic.

"I'm sorry I stepped out of line. It won't happen again. It wasn't my place to do what I did. Turn me into the Captain if you have to; I understand."

Shaking his head John placed his hands on his hips. She was quite a puzzle.

"Jess, I'm not taking this to Cap. I'm just trying to figure you out; there is more to you than you're letting on. You really knew what you were doing back there."

Wanting to be away from this conversation she turned to leave.

"There's nothing to figure out Gage. I merely stepped out of line in handling that victim. I tried to take charge of a situation I had no business taking charge of."

John held the bridge of his nose between his index and middle fingers. It was obvious that she wasn't going to relinquish any information about her previous assignment.

"You were right about the girl's leg. She did have arterial damage. She is all right; Brackett stitched her up. She will spend a few nights at Rampart though."

"That's good." Jess replied softly.

He moved forward gently taking her elbow.

"Hey uh Jess, I'm sorry about my attitude earlier. It's just different having a girl around."

Jesse shrugged.

"It's ok. Guess I'm having problems adjusting too."

John took a deep breath. "Jesse is your shoulder ok? I thought I saw something as you were pulling the girl out. I can take a look at it if you need me to."

Jesse panicked. _He noticed?!_

"Uh...yeah it's ok." she whispered as she left the room.

E!

She quietly entered the day room and slipped in the first available chair. Mike looked up from the current issue of Engineering Today. He started to smile till he saw her face. She looked as if she'd seen a ghost.

_What's going on with her? She's been withdrawn since we got back surely that wreck didn't affect her that bad. _

Chet looked up from the oven as he removed the heavy cast iron pot.

"Hey there you are! We were fixing to send out the bloodhounds. Hey babe lunch is ready and you're in for an epicurean delight."

Chet set the pot on the table and pulled off the lid. Jess couldn't even begin to describe what was in there. It looked kind of like he'd taken all the leftovers from the fridge and dumped them in. Mike leaned over toward her and pointed at it with his fork.

"Don't worry it's just stew. He claims everything he cooks is an epicurean delight, though I would suggest some antacids afterwards. I have plenty in my locker if you need some."

She kept her head down and pushed the stew around her plate with her fork. She wasn't really hungry. Chet leaned forward pointing his fork at her from across the table. His blue eyes stared in curiosity.

"Hey why aren't you eating? My cooking is not that bad."

Jesse shrugged and continued to push the stew around.

"Sorry Chet. I'm just not hungry." I _haven't been since the accident. _

He returned his fork to his plate and reached for the dish of butter beside him.

"Well ok. When you do get hungry it'll be in the oven; there's plenty. Since I like you I will even leave you some of this bread."

She forced herself to eat a few bites. Her stomach turned in protest as she swallowed. _This is the worst stew I ever had; it's worse than McGreggor's._

Mike watched her intently; he worried about her behavior. His mind reviewed the information received at a crisis intervention class he'd taken recently.

_Withdrawn almost secretive behavior, lack of appetite, overall depressed demeanor all point to distress. Wait, I don't know enough to make that call; it could be first day jitters. I'll keep a close eye on you Jesse; if you get worse I'll have to inform Cap._

Jess forced a couple more bites down before getting up and placing her plate on the counter. Assuming that the new guy gets stuck with the dishes she drew water. Even though he was trying to keep his voice low she overheard Roy talking with John.

"So did you ask?"

"Yeah but I couldn't get anything. It's a real puzzle Roy. She knew exactly what she was doing with that girl."

"Give it time Junior. It is her first day; she's trying to get a feel for us."

"Yeah I guess you're right. It just bothers me; people keeping secrets."


	5. Chapter 5

Ch. 5

It was two in the morning and as usual Jesse sat on the couch in the day room wide awake. She had been at station 51 for a little more than a month now and every night after everyone was asleep she came to the day room. She wasn't afraid to sleep in the dorm. She didn't want to wake the guys when the nightmares came. Since starting here they became more and more frequent. At home her sleep was fitful to say the least and she reluctantly used her sleep medication several times. She sighed as she continued to stroke Henry's fur.

_At least he enjoys having company._

In the dorm Mike too lay awake gazing at the empty bunk next to him.

_Not sleeping again Jesse? Has she ever slept all night?_

Her behavior continued to worry him. She still was withdrawn and secretive. During the day she only spoke if it applied to the job, and at night she stayed awake on the couch. Hell even when Chet made her his new pigeon she didn't even acknowledge it. He'd bombed her with water grenades, changed her shave cream so it turned her legs purple, floured her bunk, taped a cupcake with neon pink frosting inside her helmet and even changed her gear so it was a size too big. Through it all she gave no reaction, which irritated Chet.

Mike tried hard to make her feel welcome. He invited her to a barbeque he hosted, but she turned him down saying she had things that needed taken care of. He often sought her out when she disappeared to various locations in the station, but she'd rarely talk to him. She'd just sit with her head down. She seemed to have a heavy weight on her shoulders. Jesse hardly ever made eye contact with anyone. The few times she did with him all he saw was pain and sadness. John even tried reaching out to her by asking her what she thought on various subjects but had no success. As much as he hated to he thought of bringing it up to Cap.

Giving a long sigh Mike got out of his bunk put on his turnout pants and headed to the day room. It was time for an intervention.

"You are going to talk to her pal?"

Mike froze at the sound of his captain's voice behind him. He didn't realize that Cap wasn't asleep either. Mike turned to see him standing at the door to his office with his arms crossed. Cap's face was filled with worry and concern.

"Yeah I'm going to try, but to be honest Cap I don't know if it will help. I've tried several times to get her to open up. How long have you known that she's not sleeping?" Mike whispered.

"Just a couple of shifts. Mike try to reach her pal; of all of us she seems to trust you the most. I'm worried about her. I understand being quiet and reserved, but she's more than that. She's too withdrawn. I don't want to report her as a firefighter in distress. It would mess up her chances at any type of promotion in the future. She's a good fireman with lots of potential."

Mike nodded as he shifted uncomfortably. There was no doubt, Jess had talent and passion.

"I will see what I can do. I hope it doesn't come to that."

Before entering Mike looked in to the dimly lit day room. Jesse sat in her bunker pants with her head against the back of the couch. Her eyes were closed as she gently stroked Henry's soft fur. He flipped the switch turning on the lights above the stove causing her to jump at the sudden light.

"Sorry, I didn't realize anyone was in here." He lied.

She just shrugged as she stared at the floor. She knew he'd just lied to her.

"Hey I'm a little hungry. That stuff Roy served for dinner just didn't stick with me. Would you like to share some Oreos?"

Mike pulled out the package and a couple of glasses from the cabinet beside the sink. He placed them on the table before retrieving the milk.

Jesse sighed. _I know what you're doing Mike. I heard you and Cap. _

"Sure. I'll take a couple."

Maybe if she humored him he'd leave her alone. Both sat at the table in silence feeling awkward. She pushed the stack of Oreos around in a circle on the table. Mike decided to break the ice.

"Where are you from?"

She pushed her Oreos back and forth on the table as she quietly responded. "Texas."

"Wow you came a long way from home. What brought you to Carson?"

"I needed a change. What better place that way out west for a fresh start. I just drove till I couldn't drive anymore."

Mike nodded. _In other words you're hiding from something. No one just up and decides to make such a drastic move._ He decided to dig deeper risking her shutting down completely.

"What was you title at your previous assignment?"

She shrugged as she dunked a Oreo in the milk. She wondered why everyone in this station is obsessed with her previous job. She felt a connection with him and decided to tell him the truth.

"Firefighter paramedic."

He sent crumbs flying across the table as he choked on his cookie. She actually opened up a little.

_Ok it's a start; don't rush her._

"You mean like John and Roy?"

Taking a small bite she slowly nodded; her stomach growled in protest at the food. "Yeah something like that. Don't tell anyone ok? I don't do that anymore; I'm just a firefighter."

Mike gathered up the crumbs off the table. His eyes fell on the silver necklace dangling in the v of her white shirt.

"It's not my place to tell people stuff about you. So Jesse I noticed you're wearing at Saint Florian necklace. Are you Catholic?"

Jesse shook her head sadly.

"No, to be honest I really don't have any type of religion. It belonged to a very good friend. He uh…he…I mean..."

She stopped as her vision blurred and spots began to show on the table top. She tried to focus on dunking her Oreos in the milk, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. Mike leaned forward in his seat. She was starting to let someone in.

_So that's it, you lost your friend in the line of duty. That's why you're afraid to get close to any of us; you fear a repeat._

"Jesse I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry. I'm just worried about you. I know you're hurting and I want you to know I'm here when you're ready."

He gently placed his hand over hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. Chills ran up her spine; again his touch was electrifying.

Breaking the silence the Klaxons sounded. "Station 51 unknown type rescue. 1221 West Birdsong. 1221 West Birdsong, cross street 13th avenue. Time out 3:25."

Mike quickly let go of her hand. "Well duty calls."

Jesse nodded as she tried to process the emotions that she was feeling, being with him felt oddly comforting. As they ran to the bay he shot her a warm smile. She didn't know it, but he felt the same way.

"Hey how about you come with me for breakfast after shift? I'm not taking 'No" for an answer. I'll throw you in my truck if I have to."


	6. Chapter 6

Ch. 6

Engine 51 pulled on scene finding a frantic woman in her bath robe pacing on the front lawn. She ran quickly up to the engine as it pulled to a stop in front of the small ranch style home.

"You have to help him. Please you have to help him! Hurry!"

Captain Stanley placed his hands gently on the woman's shoulders.

"Ma'am calm down and tell me what happened."

Taking a deep breath she responded. "It's my husband, Frank. He has his arm caught in the garbage disposal. He got up to get a snack. For some reason he took off his wedding band knocked it into the disposal and tried to get it. Now his arm's stuck. Please you have to help him."

Cap sighed. _Some people never cease to amaze me. _"Ok we'll get him out. John, Roy victim's in the kitchen. He has his hand caught in the garbage disposal. The rest of you stay out here till we see what we have."

Jesse moved from under the bright street lamp to the darker side of the Ward and sat on the tail fin. She knew it would be a quick call. She hung her head and stared at the ground. She was beyond tired. She tried hard to focus on the imperfections in the asphalt. Everything remained blurry.

_Damn I need sleep._

"So babe, what do you make of that nut? Imagine getting his hand caught in a disposal, and at three in the morning! What a riot!"

Jesse rolled her eyes when she saw Chet leaning against the engine. She pointed left at a steep ditch.

"Hey Chet, do us all a favor and go take a flying leap off that ditch over there. Hell why you're at it take The Phantom with you."

Mike chuckled surprised by her sudden defiant attitude toward Chet.

_I guess she's finally had enough._

Chet moved closer to her and wrapped his arm around the grab handle. His thick mustache twitched.

"Aww babe come on you have to admit it was a pretty dumb move."

Jess sat upright and glared at her partner. Sometimes he could be so insensitive. She pointed a finger at him angrily.

"Chet I don't judge the actions of others. We've all done stupid things; besides a wedding band is too important to leave in the drain. I do agree that he should have called a plumber in the morning instead of dragging us out in the middle of the night."

Caught off guard by her sudden outburst he held up his hands defensively.

"Wow babe we are talkative tonight; that's the most you've talked since you started."

Jesse got up leaving Chet to his musings. As she passed him she roughly ran her shoulder into his.

"Like I said Chester fuck off."

Chet shot Mike a confused look as he pointed in her direction. Mike just shrugged.

E!

Ten minutes later Cap gave the all clear and they headed back to the station. Since everyone was awake Jesse went and lay in her bunk. With her hands behind her head she stared at the ceiling trying to figure out how to get out of breakfast with Stoker. '_I won't take 'No' for an answer even if I have to throw you in my truck.' _Then there were the feelings she'd felt when he held her hand. It was hard to describe. She felt comfort when he was around.

Finally the morning tones went off allowing her to leave her bunk. First stop was her locker for her medication. She glared at the label:Amitriptyline 50mg.

_Damn meds! _

After choking down her daily pill she headed to the kitchen and made the morning coffee. She just sat down when the guys came filing in. Mike studied her trying to get a feel for her current mood. John pushed to the front of the line.

"Hey! Jess made the coffee. Love her coffee." John poured himself a cup and sat at the table next to Jesse who sat head down over her cup. The steam wafted around her solemn face. John decided to try talking to her again. He leaned down to see her face.

_Maybe I'll have better luck with this subject._

"So Jess read that the National Registry for EMT's is really taking off. Do you know anything about it?"

Pushing her mug away she shrugged.

"I've heard of it."

John pointed two fingers at his chest and smiled.

"Well Roy and I are planning on taking the next test."

Tired of everyone poking in her business Jesse sat upright angrily.

"Gage no offense, but why are you telling me this? I'm just a firefighter and have no interest in paramedic stuff."

Realizing he was on to something he leaned closer to her.

"Well that's not what I've heard. Bellingham told me he talked to a guy at headquarters about the test. He said there was someone here who had already taken it and passed with flying colors. Now it wasn't me and I know it wasn't Roy. Stoker, Chet and even Cap haven't been through training, so that leaves you. It sure does explain a lot. Like how you handled your first call here."

She roughly pushed away from the table causing four sets of eyes to stare in amazement.

"Ok Gage so I was a medic. 'Was' being the operative term; I don't do that anymore. Please let it go. Just let it go."

Her voice wavered as tears filled her eyes. As she left the room she threw up her hands in frustration. She needed to be alone, so she headed to the back door of the bay.

"Jesse, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Jesse!" He called after her.

John turned to his partner in disbelief. "Damn! What is her deal?"

E!

Jesse headed out to the lot behind the station and sat against the wall. Placing her head against her knees she remembered how she'd gotten into being a paramedic.

"_Oh come of Jesse-bug. It will be fun and think of how far we can go." Weaver placed his arm around her. "And it's at Brayton training field. I know you're dying to go there." _

_Jesse sighed staring at the brochure. She did want to go to the premier training field in Texas. Taking a deep breath she caved. "Ok Brandon I will go but only because it's you that asked me." _

_He placed his arms around and lifted her off the ground. "Whoo hoo! Jesse-bug you're the greatest. You won't regret it I promise!" _

Four months later she and Brandon left Brayton fully certified Paramedics. As she leaned her head against the wall the tears softly rolled down her cheeks. Her shoulders shook violently.

Mike watched from the doorway. After seeing her leave the kitchen he decided to follow her. Concern filled his face. He thought about the best way to handle the current situation.

_Is this what she does when she's all alone? _

He walked toward her quietly. He knelt beside her and placed his hand on her shoulder. She jumped and quickly wiped the tears from her face on the back of her hand.

"Jess its ok. What's wrong?"

She glared at the ground and continued to wipe her face refusing to look at him.

"What do you want Stoker? Why are you out here?"

He leaned down trying to see her face.

"I only want to help you. You have something major going on, and you can't continue to handle things by yourself. Jess it's tearing you up inside. How long do you think you can keep going like this?"

Jesse pulled away. She became confused and a little frightened of Mike's sudden interest in her well-being. She kept her eyes on the ground wondering if she could really trust him or if it was a ruse. Mike sat down beside her making sure he didn't get too close. He didn't want her to shut him out completely. He had to get her to accept help. In a last-ditch effort he addressed her.

"Jesse, please understand I only want to help. I don't have any kind of ulterior motive. I want to help because we're friends; you're part of the family. Please tell me what happened. I know this isn't the real you."

Jesse continued staring at the ground. Her vision narrowed. This was the last straw. If he wanted to know what she did then she'd tell him. Her temper exploded violently as she hit the concrete hard with a closed fist.

"I killed my best friend! Ok, I admit it! I killed Weaver! His blood is on my hands! Are you satisfied now? You work with a murderer."


	7. Chapter 7

Ch. 7

"Jess what are you talking about?"

She forcefully blew her last breath out staring at the wall across from her. She rubbed her hand trying to ease the pain that flowed through it.

"I'm responsible for my best friend's death. If I hadn't been there he would still be alive. My mistake cost him his life."

Mike reached out to hold her, but she shoved him away and turned her back to him.

"Jess let me help or if not me then someone else."

Jess sat gazing at the brick wall that lined the driveway. If he only knew what she did he wouldn't be so eager to help her. She turned around, looking into his eyes she replied, "Michael, let it go. I'm beyond any help. Just let me go."

She stood up and left leaving Mike in a state of shock. He replayed her last words in his mind. '_I'm beyond any help. Let me go."_ Fear and panic began to set in his mind. He realized the gravity of her situation.

E!

Jess quickly entered the locker room to retrieve her duffel and found John getting ready to head home. She rolled her eyes. He was one of the last people she wanted to talk too. His concern for her was almost as bad as Mike's. He buttoned his shirt up over a stark white t-shirt. He gave a famous Gage grin hoping it would brighten her somber mood.

"Hey Jesse! Look I'm sorry about that whole paramedic thing. I didn't mean to upset you. I just thought it was cool that you are one. We now have something in common that we can talk about. I was kind of hoping you could help me study. I heard the test is a bitch."

Jess roughly threw her toiletries and medication in her bag. Slinging the bag over her shoulder she closed her locker. She tried hard to cover up that she was upset he'd even brought the subject up.

"It's ok Gage. You just reminded me of an old friend. I'll see what I can do about helping you study. I have some books that may help."

John smiled as he closed his locker. He leaned his back against the set of lockers.

"Far out! Thanks Jess!"

She started out the door before turning around to address him.

"No problem John, just give me a few days to gather some study materials. I have to unpack them."

She left the locker room and ran to her truck. She wanted to go home, be away from Mike, away from everyone, to just be alone in her apartment. Mike watched her leave and worry flooded him as her last words rang loud and clear. '_I'm beyond any help.' _

_No! She can't be! Not Jesse!_

He quickly made his way back inside where Captain Stanley was waiting for him. He gave his engineer a troubled look as he held up a file folder.

"Hey pal what happened? Jesse just left out of here like a bat out of hell. I wanted to ask her something about her personnel file."

Mike gave his captain a panicked look. He was in a hurry and didn't want to answer his captain, but he knew he had to. He worried that every minute he wasted here was one fewer minute he had to stop her from doing something permanent.

"I just may have caused her to shut down completely."

"Oh?" Cap replied with his eyebrows knit tightly.

"I got her to open up a little last night and a little more just now. Something's wrong, she's really struggling Cap. She needs help, but won't admit it. I suggested she gets some and she exploded on me." Mike replied. His words were hurried and panicked.

"Mike, do I need to contact headquarters to get a chaplain or someone out here? Do you think she is a threat to herself, is it that bad?"

Mike placed his hands on his hips and hung his head; he did feel she was a threat. He didn't want to divulge that information to his captain, not yet.

"No, I don't think so. Please just give me a little more time before we call anyone. I may be able to reach her. Can I have her address?"

Cap nodded and retrieved the address from her file. He handed the information to Mike. He hoped that Jesse trusted Mike enough to let him help.

"Good luck pal. Call me at home if you need anything."

Worried he watched as Mike ran to his truck. Jess was in crisis. Cap prayed Mike would be able to reach her before it was too late.

E!

Upon arriving at home Jesse roughly threw her duffel on the floor and headed for the bathroom. She wanted more than anything to take a hot shower. She let her emotions come forth as she stood under the water. She just couldn't contain them any longer. She wept loudly as her tears mixed with the water and flowed down the drain. Jesse beat her fist repeatedly against the wall and debated on whether to stay at 51's or to run again.

_How can he trust me after I told him what I did? How can anyone trust me? _

She leaned with her back against the wall letting the water run on her head and down her body. Sinking to the floor of the tub she stayed with her head on her knees till the water ran cold.

E!

Mike pulled into the parking lot of Jesse's apartment complex. He stared in surprise at what he saw. Saying the complex is run down is an understatement. Trash littered the parking lot; the buildings looked as though they needed condemning and people loitered across the parking lot and stairways.

_They are high, probably tripping acid or smoking weed._ _Cap must have written the address down wrong. There's no way Jess lives here._

Mike leaned forward in his seat and scanned the parking lot. He let his last breath out slowly as he saw her navy blue Chevrolet parked backwards against the tall privacy fence. He backed his truck next the truck he believed to be hers. He got out, locked his door, and looked over the Chevy in front of him. On the seat lay a navy blue fire department issued jacket. _J. Johnson, Firefighter _showed on the bright silver name tag attached to it. One the floor board he noticed an empty prescription bottle. Mike's pulse quickened as he tried to open the driver's door. Frustration filled him when he realized it was locked.

_Well here's her truck. Guess I do have the right place._

A voiced yelled down to him from the upstairs railing. "Hey Man! That's Jesse's truck! You better be a friend of hers!"

He made his way up the narrow metal stairway to apartment. He was stopped at the top of the stairs by a long haired man wearing a bright tie dye shirt and cut off shorts. He was obviously high on something. He pointed at Mike's department shirt.

"Hey man, you're not a cop are you?" he asked slowly.

Mike shook his head. He almost felt sorry for the middle-aged man standing in front of him.

Holding out a joint the man asked, "That's great man! Welcome to Shady Grove. Can I interest you in a hit?"

Mike shook his head in disbelief.

"No, I'm good."

The man nodded then shouted," Hey everyone all clear this dude's not a cop. He's some other kind of dude who wears a badge!"

Shaking his head sadly Mike knocked on the well-worn door. The edge near the door knob looked as if it'd been pried against many times. He was surprised that it even stayed shut.

_Really Jess? Of all the apartment complexes in LA County you picked this one? _

There wasn't any response so he knocked again. His heart raced as he knocked harder and more frantically.

"Jesse! Jesse, its Mike Stoker. Please open the door!"

Hearing the door to his left open he turned toward it. An elderly woman stuck her head out.

"Young man what on earth are you doing making all that racket?"

He turned to face her ashamed he had disturbed her.

"Ma'am I'm sorry to disturb you, but I'm checking on Jesse. Have you seen her?"

The woman opened her door wider and stepped out on her cane. She adjusted her glasses as she moved closer to him slowly. Her kind and wrinkled face looked up at him. She liked Jesse and worried this man came to cause her trouble.

"Are you a friend of hers?"

"Yes ma'am. I work with her at the fire station."

Seeing his badge caused her to relax. He was telling the truth.

"Well I'm glad to see that she has someone to check up on her. I worry about that child. She seems so alone and sad. She carries so much weight. Oh! Sorry dear, I haven't introduced myself. I'm Mrs. Dunlap."

"I'm pleased to meet you Mrs. Dunlap. I'm Michael Stoker." He said as he gently took her hand.

"Michael. That's a lovely name for such a handsome fellow. Jesse got home not too long ago. The sweet dear always brings my mail up. She normally stays for a cup of coffee, but today she said she wasn't feeling well and went straight home. I'd better get back inside I have a pie in the oven. If you need anything just knock on the door."

"Thank you ma'am."

Mike beat on the door again with no response. Uneasiness flooded him as her last words came to mind. '_I'm beyond any help. Just let me go.'_

_NO! She couldn't have. Did I miss the signs? Why did I wait so long to try to help? Am I too late? I didn't stay at the station long. _

He pounded harder on the door as fear and panic set in. He was afraid he'd waited too late to accelerate his efforts to save her. His eyes misted as he thought about her. He hoped she was ok.

"Jesse, please for the love of God open the door!"


	8. Chapter 8

Ch. 8

Mike became terrified and his hand was sore from beating on the door. He'd been outside her door for what seemed an eternity with no response.

_No Jess, please God no! _

As he leaned his forehead against the forest green door he began to weigh his options. One he could break in the door, he had probable cause, but the odds of having it fixed in a reasonable amount of time were slim to none. Two he could borrow Mrs. Dunlap's phone to call a squad. However given the apartments close proximity to the station meant guys they both knew would respond. He knew the second option was the better choice, but he decided to knock one more time before heading to the apartment next door. Raising his arm he beat on the door with intensity.

_Jess please, please open this door. God let her be ok._

Jesse stepped out of the shower to hear someone banging on her door. She shook her head tired of people bothering her. She just wanted to be alone. Was that too much to ask?

"Son of a bitch! Chill out! " She said out loud.

She threw on some clothes, grabbed a towel for her hair, and headed toward the door. She tripped over the boxes in the hallway hitting her shin hard. Pain radiated up her leg. She leaned against the wall waiting for it to subside.

"Fuck! I've got to do something with these boxes."

The banging intensified. She rolled her eyes; she just wanted to be alone. _Damn hippies. _

"Bobby how many times do I have to tell you that I'm not loaning you money to buy more weed!" she said as she opened the door. Surprise filled her face as she saw Mike standing there panicked.

"Stoker?!"

Breathing a sigh of relief he wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace. Jesse had no choice but to bury her face in his chest. Her pulse quickened and her breathing became erratic as his warmth and scent filled her. Jesse let out a soft whimper.

_God he smells good._

"Jess, thank God. Are you all right?"

He pulled her away from himself keeping his hands on her shoulders. He quickly looked her up and down checking for injuries. Feeling awkward she turned her eyes to the concrete in front of her door. She didn't want to admit that she enjoyed his embrace. If felt so comforting, so right.

"Uh…um yeah, I was in the shower. Why wouldn't I be ok?" She replied softly.

She played with the hem for her shirt trying to avoid looking at him.

"Jesse, may I come in? I really want to talk to you about what you said at the station and out here is not an option. You know with everyone around."

She pushed opened the door wider and gestured for him to come in. "Yeah sure, I guess it will be ok."

As Mike entered her small apartment he noticed that there were many boxes left unpacked, the room was dark and the only furniture consisted of a card table with a couple of chairs and a sofa. She had no photographs or other decorations that would make a house a home.

"So you want some coffee?"

He turned his attention to her. She was dressed in short light blue cotton shorts and a thin tight-fitting spaghetti strap shirt. The shirt accentuated her curves making it obvious she wasn't wearing a bra. His body became warm and he was certain that his face had become red.

"Um….err…uh. Y-yeah that'd b-b-be great."

_Damn Jess. _He took a seat at a card table in the kitchen as she turned her back to him. He couldn't help but stare at her. The shorts barely covered her stopping right before her tan line.

_Wow! Damn she looks good. _

Trying to calm himself he bit his lip and looked around the kitchen. It was bare except for a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, and a couple of prescription bottles.

Jesse brought two mugs of coffee to the table and sat across from him pulling her legs under her. She added sugar to her mug and sat quietly stirring, the steam wafted off the top of the mug. After several moments of silence she spoke.

"I guess I owe you an explanation."

Mike took a sip of his coffee and realized he'd bitten too hard on his lip when the hot coffee stung.

"Jesse I don't want to pressure you. I want you to tell me in your own time, but baby you scared me when you said that you were beyond help. That's why I came here. I…I…I was afraid I was going to find you… that you had…that you'd done something stupid. I panicked when you didn't open the door. I was getting ready to ask Mrs. Dunlap if I could use her phone to call a squad."

She continued to stir her coffee never lifting her head. Giving a sigh she spoke quietly. She inadvertently had given him a reason to worry about her wellbeing.

"Michael, I would never do that. Brandon once told me after a failed attempt to rescue someone 'it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.' No matter how bad things get, no matter how I feel suicide is never an option for me. I've seen what it does to the people left; I could never put anyone through that kind of guilt. You know them asking 'What if?' and 'What could I have done differently?' Yes Michael I blame myself for what happened to Brandon. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about what I could have done differently. He died because of me, because of a rookie mistake."

"I don't know what happened on that day, but know that everyone at the station cares about you. You're family, but you haven't let anyone get to know you. You hide away avoiding everyone. It's like you're afraid; that you don't trust us, that you don't trust me."

Mike reached out and took her hand holding it tightly so she couldn't pull away.

"Let me help you through this. Like I said you cannot keep going by yourself. Jesse, baby, I care about you; you can trust me."

Jesse sat quietly staring at her now cold coffee. He was right; she was afraid.

_I can't afford to get close to others. I can't go through that again._

After a few minutes she lifted her eyes so hers met his. She looked tired worn out, black shone underneath her red rimmed eyes. They showed the pain and loneliness she felt. His heart ached as he felt it. She quickly turned her gaze away and sat quietly for several minutes weighing the possibility of letting Mike into her darkness.

"Do you really mean it?"

Mike squeezed her hand.

"Yes I do."

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and pulled her knees to her chest wrapping her arms around them. Her eyes bore down on the black coffee mug sitting in front of her.

_Can I take that risk? He is right I can't keep going like this. _

She took a deep breath. Mike waited patiently. He ran his finger around the rim of his mug. Jesse forcefully blew her last breath out.

"Ok. If you're serious about listening and not making judgments then I will try to let you in. To let you help. I do ask that you not tell anyone about what we discuss. I'm not ready for that."

"You have a deal. My lips are sealed. Like I said I don't want to pressure you. Just tell me when you're ready. Ok?"

She released her legs letting them return to the floor. She took a sip of coffee.

"Yeah. Do you want some more coffee? Mine is cold."

He leaned back against the chair. He debated on whether to ask her to breakfast. In his opinion her depression and other problems had no effect on how he was beginning to feel toward her. Buried inside was a totally different girl and he wanted to see her.

"Actually I'm getting hungry. I know of a great little diner on the east side of town."

She blushed.

"Michael, are you asking me out?"

"Maybe." He replied as he gave a shrug.

He rose from the table and placed his mug in the sink. He glanced to the prescriptions sitting on the counter. One was an antidepressant the other was for sleep. He prayed she'd never take more of the barbiturates than was prescribed. He wasn't sure he believed her when she said she'd never attempt suicide. Sometimes people get desperate to find an end to their pain.

_Jess, I won't let you fall unnoticed. _

"I would really like for you to join me."

Jesse flashed him a quick smile that took his breath away. He just caught a glimpse of the beautiful woman buried deep inside.

"Let me get changed."

E!

Mike and Jess sat in a small booth at the back of the diner. Stainless steel lined the bottom of the long bar across the room and came halfway up the walls. The floor was covered in black and white checkered tile. A brightly lit jukebox in the corner blared The Beatles' Come Together. Mike tapped along with the song using his fork. Jesse played with her napkin on the turquoise table top.

"Mike, honey, it's been a while! Oh, you brought a lady friend."

Jesse looked up to see a woman in her fifties holding a pot of coffee and two mugs. Her greying hair curled tightly against her head. Charlene was engraved on her plastic name tag. She smiled warmly at Jesse as she poured the coffee. She set the pot on the edge of the table and pulled out a note pad.

"So Hon, what'll it be, the usual?"

Mike nodded as he took a long drink of the strong coffee. "Yes ma'am and Jess will have the same."

Charlene gave Jess another smile as she turned to Mike. "She's a keeper, hon. I can tell."

Mike gave a half smile as Charlene left to care for another table. He watched Jess as she pulled all the packets of sugar out their caddy. She set two aside, then proceeded to place the others neatly back in the caddy. She was careful, making sure they were even across the top before setting the caddy neatly between the salt and pepper. Mike felt sure it was just a nervous habit.

Jess could feel him watching her as she rearranged the sugar. She glanced over to him. Embarrassment filled her tired face. She'd done it again, let her OCD tendencies get out of hand.

"Sorry." She mumbled.

"Jess, so you have a touch of OCD. It's no big deal."

"Ok, you two, chow's on!" Charlene said as she placed the plates in front of them. "Anything else?"

Mike shook his head. "Jess, you good?"

"Yeah, thanks." She replied softly.

Jess stared at the plate in front of her. It contained a large ham and cheese omelet and two buttermilk pancakes. Mike pointed to his with his fork.

"Other than mine, this is the best omelet you'll find anywhere. Eat up!"

E!

Mike escorted Jess up to her apartment. He didn't trust any of the people who loitered within the walls of the complex. Jess received several wolf whistles as she made her way up the narrow metal stairs to her apartment. She ignored them, but Mike felt his anger rising. He bit his tongue to keep from reaming out the guys across the way. She jiggled the key in the lock. Playing with the hem of her shirt she turned to face him.

"Thanks for, um, coming to check on me."

He gently lifted her face with a single finger under her chin. She quickly turned her eyes to the railing beside them.

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah." She whispered.

Mike pulled out a notepad and a pen. He quickly wrote something on the pad and removed the sheet from it. He handed it to her.

"Here's my home number. If you need anything, anything at all, call me. I don't care if it's two in the morning if you need me call."

She folded the small paper in half and placed it in her back pocket. "Thanks."

"Ok, well I guess I'll let you go. Like I said don't be afraid to call."

As he turned to leave Jess wrapped her arms around him and gave him a quick hug. She quickly opened the door and disappeared inside. Mike smiled; again he'd caught a quick glimpse of the real Jesse. Maybe there was hope after all.


	9. Chapter 9

Ch. 9

Jesse sat at her kitchen table playing with a piece of paper that contained his phone number. '_If you need anything call me. It doesn't matter if its two in the morning, call me.' _It was exactly three weeks since Mike showed up at her door worried. She still couldn't believe that he cared enough to check on her. At her old station the guys tried to avoid her when possible. But the men at station 51 were a close group. They were like family to each other.

Work was extremely busy. The crew barely spent any time actually at the station. Which was ok with her; the less time she spent there the better, working kept her mind busy. For some reason this time of year was always like that. People always lost their heads during the holidays. She disliked the holidays and decided to volunteer to work if she wasn't already scheduled. Brandon died the day after Thanksgiving last year. Jesse was on the docket to work this Thanksgiving and it was fine with her. She had nowhere to go anyway.

She sat with her legs under her trying to figure out if she should tell Mike what brought her to this dismal place of isolation. Coping was becoming increasingly difficult the closer Thanksgiving came. Her appetite was gone and sleep was a luxury that only came with medication. Her mood was even more gloomy than usual.

_It is time, time for me to trust someone, time to heal._

Exhaling loudly she picked up the phone and dialed the number. A part of her hoped he wouldn't be home and couldn't answer the phone. After four rings she heard his voice.

"Stoker here."

Jesse inhaled sharply. _Damn he's home!_

"Hello?" he said again.

She took another deep breath. Reaching out was hard, but she knew deep inside she had to.

"Hey Mike its Jess." She said quietly.

"Jesse! Hi! What's up?"

He cringed as he realized he sounded a little too happy to hear from her. She hesitated before responding.

"I didn't catch you at a bad time did I?"

Mike sat upright on his couch. Parts of the class on crisis flowed in his mind. 'People are often ashamed to ask. Many times they will use tactics to avoid the problem', came the instructor's voice.

_She's stalling. Keep her talking. She doesn't sound well emotionally._

"Nope. I'm just sitting here watching this disaster of a game. So I'll ask again, what's up?"

"Could…Could you come by this afternoon? I…I…I need to talk."

He knew that this was a huge step for her.

"Sure, I can do that. Have you eaten?"

"No"

He glanced at the clock hanging above the bar that separated the living room from the kitchen.

_11:30. Plenty of time for me to call Dave's and take a shower._

"Ok great! I'll bring some pizza and beer. Is around one ok?"

Jesse hesitated. That was an hour and a half away. _That will give me time to find what I need._

"Yeah one is good, but I'm sorry I don't drink." _I can't. It will lead me down a path I don't want to ever take again._

"Oh! I'm sorry; I didn't know. No problem I will bring some Cokes. See you at one."

After she hung up the phone she headed to the bedroom and began digging through her boxes.

E!

At 12:45 Mike backed into a parking place by her truck and stared at her door. _No matter what you tell me, it doesn't change how I feel about you._ Taking a deep breath he grabbed the pizza and drinks and headed toward her apartment. At the top of the stairs Mrs. Dunlap greeted him on her way down.

"Ah Michael! You're here to see Jesse, no doubt."

Mike smiled as he responded. "Yes ma'am. I figured we'd hang out and watch a game together."

She placed her frail hand on his arm and returned his smile.

"I'm glad she has someone to watch out for her, especially someone so handsome. So young man when are you going to ask her on a date? It's obvious you like her. I see it in you eyes."

He stood back surprised. "I...I...uh."

Mrs. Dunlap laughed and continued slowly down the stairs. "Have a good day, Michael."

He laughed to himself. _Even in her old age Mrs. Dunlap sure is observant. _Gaining his composure he knocked on Jesse's door.

E!

Jesse placed the frame face down on the table and turned on some lights. _No sense sitting in the dark._ She adjusted the clips in her hair and smoothed out her shirt before opening the door. She'd noticed his reaction to the clothing she wore last time and opted for jeans and a t-shirt.

"Hi, come in."

Mike gave her a warm smile.

"Hi Jesse!"

Moving a stack of papers he placed the food on the kitchen counter. Mike glanced at them. Medical bills stared back at him. The one on top had a balance of $10,126 and overdue was written in bright red ink. He quickly scanned the list of procedures: intensive care unit, hyperbaric treatment, lab fees, antibiotics and pain management.

_If this was from a work injury why wasn't it covered by worker's comp?_

As he opened the boxes he glanced over to the bottle of barbiturates. Seeing a brand new bottle caused him to cringe.

_She still isn't sleeping. Jess please let me help you._

"I didn't know if you preferred pepperoni or hamburger so I got one of each."

Taking a few deep breaths Jesse sat at the table. She picked up a well-worn pencil and sketched on the 9x13 paper in front of her. Drawing always provided comfort to her. She was a little out of practice. Jess hadn't sketched since before Brandon's death.

_No turning back now._

"Either is fine I'm not picky. Paper plates are above the sink."

He pulled two plates from the bare cabinet. He noticed she didn't have any real dishes. Other than a jar of peanut butter, a loaf of bread, and a box of cereal there was no other food. Mike placed one slice of each flavor on them.

"So, Jess what's on your mind?"

He placed the plates on the table with two cans of Coke before taking a seat at the rickety card table. He hesitated as he eased himself in the chair wondering if it would hold his weight. She looked up from the drawing and took a deep breath.

"I'm ready to tell you what happened." She said quietly.

Mike gave her a gentle smile. He prepared himself mentally for whatever she was going to tell him.

"Baby, take your time. If it gets too hard we'll take a break. I have nowhere else to be. I'm all yours."

_I'd like to be all yours in more ways than one, Jesse. If you'd let me._

She took a long deep breath and began her story as she continued working on the sketch in front of her.

"You asked a while back about my necklace and I told you it belonged to my best friend. His name was Brandon Weaver; he wore this necklace every day till the day I killed him. He said that St. Florian offered protection to firefighters. His parents gave it to me at his funeral saying he'd want me to have it. Since my parents passed away in a car accident I had become quite close with his. Well I was close to them till the night of the accident."

Mike watched as she added details to the drawing in front of her. He tried to see what she was working so intently on, but she was doing a great job of keeping it covered. She inhaled deeply before continuing.

"Anyway, it was Thanksgiving Day and it had been one of those shifts. We hardly spent any time actually at the station; we'd get done with one call and another was right on its heels. We had just gotten in from a run at midnight. Some drunken guy thought it would be cool to fry a frozen turkey in his garage. It exploded everywhere; talk about a mess! His garage was a loss and he had second and third degree burns on twenty percent of his body. He bypassed ER and headed straight to the burn ward. Hell of a way to end Thanksgiving."

"Anyway, Weaver and I had just lain down when the Klaxons sounded again calling us to an abandoned warehouse fire on the east end of town. It was only partially involved when we arrived, so Captain Moore sent us into the bowels of the building in trying to prevent the fire from spreading."

"It was supposed to be empty, but we soon found it was filled with extremely flammable solvents, and God knows what else. The last thing we needed was for that thing to go. Brandon loved fighting that kind of fire. He was an adrenaline junkie. That's why Captain sent us in. We'd been in there for around two hours, but made little progress on the fire. Because of the chemicals It was just burning too hot. Captain Moore came over the radio and told us to get out of there. The building could go any minute. Brandon told me it was time to go, b-b-but I…"

Jesse paused as her eyes began to fill with tears. She set the pencil beside her book. Mike was able to take a quick glance before she covered it up again. He sat amazed at the well detailed rendition of the side their Ward LaFrance. Before taking a drink of Coke she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"I'm sorry." She quietly whispered.

Mike handed her a napkin.

"It's ok. I told you to take your time. Do you need a break?"

She nodded. As she stood she took several deep breaths. She anxiously paced the floor of the small dimly lit kitchen. He looked over to her drawing, not only did it feature the grand engine but him running the controls on the pumps. He sat amazed at the amount of detail she'd worked into the portrait. Everything from the stains on his jacket to the scar on his hand was beautifully rendered. Fearing she'd be upset if she saw him admiring her art he quickly turned his gaze back to her.

_I don't know if I can do this. Can I really trust him? How do I know that he doesn't expect something more._

Mike waited patiently his eyes never leaving her. She was obviously in conflict. She took a long deep breath as she wiped her eyes. She returned to the table. Tracing the defects in the table top with her index finger she continued.

"I refused to leave. Brandon waited five minutes before reminding me how Captain dealt with insubordination. I reluctantly agreed to halt fighting the fire and proceeded to lead us out. The warehouse was a mess, overturned boxes and drums littered the floor, and attack lines posed a tripping hazard. The thick black smoke impeded our vision so we were going by feel. We'd gone maybe five hundred feet when I felt the floor suddenly shift under my feet. I thought it odd that a solid floor would shift. There was nothing about a basement in the blue prints the owner provided."

"I turned around to grab Brandon, but he was gone. All that remained was a gaping hole with embers and smoke pouring out of it. I fell to my stomach and crawled to the edge. That's when I saw him hanging on a beam dangling above the fire below. I grabbed him by his SCBA straps and tried to pull him to safety, but between my awkward positioning and his weight I just couldn't do it. I…I wasn't strong enough."

"Brandon looked straight into my eyes and told me to let him go; he didn't want me falling too. His last words to me were he'd always be with me. Michael, he's dead! It's my fault; if I had left when commanded or if I'd been stronger and was able to pull him up. If only I had sounded the floor before walking across it. Better yet if I hadn't been there, he'd still be alive."

Jesse began to sob with raw emotion pouring forth. Mike got up and knelt beside her. Taking her into an embrace he let her cry. It was long overdue. She buried her face into his shoulder and continued weeping. It was then that he realized how much weight she'd lost. Jesse was small to begin with, now she was too small. He gently stroked her hair silently. After several minutes she pulled away.

"Sorry about your shirt."

Mike shrugged as he tenderly wiped her tears away with his calloused fingers. "They are just tears, no big deal. It will dry. Your relationship with Brandon was more than just partners wasn't it?"

"Yes but not in how you're thinking. He was my brother."

Mike continued to wipe the tears from her face. Her heart rate increased. Never had a guy shown her such tenderness.

"Jess, that's how we all feel about the people we work with."

Jesse shook her head. "No Michael. He was my _brother_."

She turned over the picture frame on the table and passed it to him.

"That's me and Brandon. That picture was taken right after we had gotten done with our first live burn at the academy."

Mike stared in shock at the photo. The pair stood in front of a vacant block building. Smoke still rose from the structure. In the background he could make out charged lines. Brandon and Jesse looked exactly alike, and not because they were both wearing full turnouts. They had the same dark hair, same facial structure, same beautiful honey colored skin and even the same crooked smile. The only difference was their gender. Even the way they had posed for the picture was the same.

"Jess? How'd…I mean…You have different last names!"

Mike looked at her obviously in shock. She only smiled.

"See I told you he was my brother."


	10. Chapter 10

Ch. 10

Mike rose from the table, leaned against the counter and rubbed his eyes. He was very confused. From what the photograph showed Jess and Brandon were indeed related. He wondered what happened to cause the difference in last names.

"Jess, I'm a little confused. You and Brandon have a different last name which means you came from different families. How is it that you look exactly alike?"

She got up from her seat still wiping her eyes. She looked even more tired than when he'd first arrived. A year of bearing her emotions and guilt alone was beginning to take its toll. He watched sadly as she pulled her very loose jeans higher on her narrow hips. He suspected she was starving herself as punishment for something she didn't do. He felt guilty about not helping her sooner.

"It's complicated. I am hungry though. Do you think I can explain while eating?"

Mike nodded. _If it will get you to eat, then yes explain it while eating. I'll do anything to get you to eat something. _

She went to the refrigerator. After she opened the door Mike tried hard to see what if anything was in there. He caught a glimpse of a half-gallon of milk and a tub of yogurt. Jesse pulled out some parmesan cheese and red pepper flakes and returned to the table. She added copious amounts of both to the slice of pizza and took a bite. Mike laughed. _A girl after my own heart._

"Yeah sure, as long as you promise to clarify this puzzle."

Mike placed his hand on her shoulder before returning to his seat. Again it gave her chills as he tenderly squeezed her shoulder.

_Why does he keep doing that, hugs and delicate touches? Man he is driving me wild. Doesn't he know what it's doing to me?_

She nodded between bites.

"Mike this is really good! Where did you get it? I haven't found a good pizza place yet."

He took a large bite. "There's a place right down the road from my house, Dave's. He's a good friend of mine. I'd love to take you there on a date."

Jesse dropped the pizza in shock at what he'd just said. She gave him a panicky look.

_After everything I just told him? _

She blushed, looked down at her plate and softly replied, "Yeah, I'd like that."

_So he is doing it on purpose._

He shifted on the chair causing it to creak loudly. Though he it thrilled him she accepted his request he didn't show it.

"Jesse it's settled. The next Friday night we have off we're going on a date. I really enjoyed the lunch we had together and look forward to this! Now how do you and Brandon have different last names?"

She pushed the plate to the side. She wiped her hands on a nearby towel before picking up her pencil again. She was unaware that he watched her as she added details to his rugged face. Mike wondered if he was the only one she'd drawn.

"Well, as you can tell from the picture we are twins. From what my adoptive parents told me our birth father was killed in a hit and run accident before we were born. Our birth mother couldn't give the kind of care we needed. We were born premature and needed intensive medical care. Our prognosis wasn't good. The doctors said we'd be lucky if we made it past a month old. To their surprise we thrived."

She rotated the paper and continued working. He gazed in amazement at his portrait. It was so life-like.

"Nobody wanted to take two special needs infants at the same time. Brandon and I were separated and adopted individually. My adoptive parents were always honest with me about my adoption, so I knew I had a twin brother somewhere. When I was younger I asked if they knew where he was, but they didn't know. They only knew he existed."

Jesse paused, ate her last bite of pizza, then got up for some more and another Coke. She glanced at the clock and was surprised at how much time had passed. Mike was here almost three hours.

"Mike would you like some more?" She asked bringing the rest of the pepperoni to the table.

"Sure! So you two were separated at birth? How'd did you meet?"

Jesse gave a soft smile. "Would you believe at the fire academy? He literally ran into me on his way to lecture. His books went everywhere. He was very apologetic as I helped him pick up them up. When he finally looked up he was speechless and I was stunned. I mean it was like looking in a mirror. After a few awkward moments we spent the afternoon asking each other questions. We found out that the answers to the questions were exactly the same. We missed lecture and that cost us big time. We had to do extra laps during physical training for a month, but it was worth it. I'd found my brother. We had been inseparable till his death."

Jesse stopped for a moment as she felt her emotions getting out of hand. She missed Brandon. While taking several deep breaths she frantically wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. The pain was starting to be more than she could bear.

After gaining her composure she continued. "He even applied to the same department I did, and requested the same station. Headquarters didn't question it because we had different last names and were interviewed by different people. You should have seen the look on Captain Moore's face when we arrived for our first day. I remember him saying in his thick gravelly voice: 'Shit you've got to be kidding me. Headquarters sent me fucking twins? What the hell am I supposed to do with twins?' It was priceless; I had never seen someone so frustrated. In that frustration Captain nicknamed us Thing One and Thing Two. He tried to get one of us reassigned, but since the department was short on firefighters we got to stay together. I believe that's what riled him up the most, knowing he knew he had no control over it."

"We were quite the team. We always knew what the other was thinking. Brandon convinced me to go to rescue school though I am terrified of heights. He worked with me every night on the ropes wall. We shared a lot of good times on top of that wall. It was where we could be open with one another without all the distractions. He told me about his family and how much they wanted to meet me. He dragged me over for Christmas one year. Talk about awkward. They were Catholic and I had no religion. They took me in as one of their own. Like I mentioned before I lost my parents earlier that year in a vehicle accident, so I enjoyed having them around. They were like my second family and I lost them too. I can't face them, not after what I let happen to Brandon."

"We'd only known each other for four years. When he died I felt as though I lost a part of myself, a part I can never get back. It's even worse knowing it was my fault."

Jesse left the table and leaned against the counter with her back toward him. She reached into a cabinet above the sink and pulled out a glass. Leaning over the sink she pretended to get a glass of water. As she began to cry uncontrollably she dropped the glass on the floor causing it to shatter. Pieces of broken glass flew all over the kitchen. Mike got up from the table and approached her thinking about how to best handle the situation_._

_Jesse is extremely fragile and vulnerable. She trusted me enough to talk. Now I can't mess it up or she'll shut down for good. Based on what she told me I don't see how Brandon's death was her fault. How do I help her understand that? _

Gently taking her shoulders he turned her toward him. He pulled her close against his chest and wrapped his arms around her. Jess seemed to disappear in his embrace. She buried her face in his shoulder and began to cry harder.

"I killed him. Michael I killed him! I let my brother die "she wept.

He held her tightly as he felt her small frame shaking in his arms. Mike ran his fingers softly through her hair. He hoped this was the beginning of the healing process.

E!

Mike sat in Captain Stanley's office. He'd requested to see him privately after roll call. Cap shuffled in with a stack of paperwork closing the door behind him. He lowered his tall lean frame in the chair at his desk. His bright eyes turned to his second in command.

"What's on your mind, Michael? It's not like you to request a private meeting."

Mike shifted as he placed one leg over his knee. He rubbed his face briskly.

"Cap, I wanted to talk to you about Jesse. Please don't tell her I'm telling you this. If she knew she would never forgive me. She invited me over yesterday to talk and told me about what is causing her so much pain. God, Cap she is really hurting. She carries a lot of guilt over something that she had no control over."

Cap nodded as he tapped his pen on the desk. He figured something happened at her previous assignment. He just didn't know what. He hoped that she would open up to someone.

"Are you going to tell me what?"

Mike shook his head. He wasn't going to break his promise to her. She trusted him enough to tell him. He wasn't about to break that trust.

"I'm sorry, Cap. She told me that in confidence. It took so long to get her to trust me. I don't want to break that. I promise you she will seek help. She assured me."

"Ok. I really wish you'd tell me, but keeping her trust is important. Is she going to start sleeping in the dorm?"

Mike nodded. "She said she would try, but if the nightmares persisted she'd be back in the day room. She said she doesn't want to keep us up."

Cap's face began to fill with concern. Nightmares often meant the person having them hadn't fully dealt with a problem. It was obvious that Jess preferred to bury her problems and not deal with them. Cap didn't like Mike keeping things from him. If it meant the crew's integrity could be reestablished then he'd go with it. He was however getting suspicious of his behavior toward Jesse. He seemed a little too interested in her, but Mike never broke an order or rule before.

_Maybe it is just genuine concern for her as well as the integrity of the crew. I'll keep a close eye on them._

E!

Jesse sat at the table. A fresh cup of coffee sat beside her as she added final details to her latest drawing, a portrait of John on the bio-com. His shaggy hair stuck out of his helmet, his eyes held a look of concern for his patient and his strong jaw line was clenched tightly. It was something she remembered from a rescue two weeks ago. Sometimes it amazed her that she could recall details of everything she saw and transpose them into works of art.

She was unaware that Johnny slipped in and sat beside her. His face was scrunched up as he marveled at the portrait in front of her. _Jess is amazing with that pencil. She caught the essence of the scene perfectly._

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked curiously.

Jesse jumped like a child caught doing something wrong. She quickly closed the 9x13 sketch pad and shoved it under her elbow. She propped her head on the arm that held the sketch pad firmly to the table.

"Shit, John! You scared me half to death!"

He reached over and pulled the book from under her arm. Her eyes grew wide as he flipped through the pages. She tried to grab it back, but he pulled it away farther. He held her back with one hand.

"These are great Jess! I didn't know you could draw. There's Cap and Roy. Hey there's me! Man, I'm handsome! Hey, most of these are of Stoker. You got a thing for him?" he asked as he gave her a wink.

She blushed as she yanked the book away from him. "NO!"

John gave her a boyish half smile. Her actions gave her away. He scratched his chest with his middle finger. He knew Mike had feelings for her too. If he didn't he wouldn't be so intent on helping her through whatever it was that held her captive. Plus John saw how he looked at she wasn't paying attention.

_Yeah right Jess. You think he's attractive; if you didn't you wouldn't be sketching him in your book and blushing when someone saw it._

He looked around making sure no one was in the room or with in ear shot. He leaned over to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Jess gave him a panicked look. Physical contact was something she tried hard to avoid. John misread her reaction as fear that he'd tell Mike of her secret attraction to him.

"It's a shame that Cap placed a no dating order. You two would make a cute couple. Don't worry I won't tell anyone you have a thing for Stoker."

Jess glared at the table wondering if Johnny would keep his big mouth shut.

"Y…y..you won't?"

"Nah, I won't. Just be careful with that book, ok? Do you think I can have that one you're working on of me? I'd like to send it to my mom. She's always after me for pictures."

Jess opened her book to the page that held him. It was the first time someone asked for a piece of her work. She picked up her pencil and began to work.

"Yeah, just let me finish it."

He pointed to the lower corner of the book. "Oh, be sure to sign and date it. I want you to have credit for it."

She nodded as she added details to the bio-com's box. John watched her face carefully searching for a sign that she was opening up. This was the most interaction he's had with her.


	11. Chapter 11

Ch. 11

It was Thanksgiving Day at Station 51. The guys were busy preparing the kitchen for the day's feast provided by the women of the station. Chet busied himself by slicing the turkey. John and Roy placed the salads in the fridge. Mike was busy preparing the sweet potato casserole. Thanksgiving was one of his favorite holidays. He wondered what Jess was doing for the holiday weekend.

Captain Stanley called everyone into the bay for roll call. As they were lining up Chet rubbed his hands together in excitement.

"John you will never believe what The Phantom has in store for Jesse today. Man it's a classic."

John sighed as he placed his hat on top of his head. He felt Chet's pranks on Jess were getting old.

"Chet, I don't think that today would be a good day for The Phantom."

Chet gently pushed him.

"Awww! What's wrong Johnny baby sad he didn't choose you this year."

"That's not it Chet. I just don't think it's a good idea. I have a feeling that today is a rough day for her. Do us a favor and let The Phantom have a day off."

Captain Stanley cleared his throat as he looked down the line. He quickly noticed he was missing a crew member. Jesse wasn't in the lineup. He rose to his toes and looked to the locker room hoping she was running late. Mike kicked himself for not realizing she wasn't there.

"Has anyone seen Jesse?"

The guys shook their heads, in the excitement they hadn't noticed she wasn't there. Cap became worried as he recalled what Mike had told him the day before. '_She lost her brother on duty the day after Thanksgiving.' Jess where are you? _

E!

Jesse was still at home in bed. Instead of getting up after the nightmare woke her, she continued to lie in bed and fell back asleep. The sound of a ringing phone woke her from her slumber and she fumbled around the night stand attempting to answer it. After knocking it to the floor she leaned over the side of the bed and picked up the groggy she answered trying to shake off the sleep.

"H-h-hello?"

"Jesse, its Captain Stanley. Are you ok? You are on shift today."

He eyes immediately popped wide open as she glanced at the alarm clock. _7:15!_

"SHIT! Cap I'm sorry I must have fallen back to sleep. I'm on my way."

"Jess don't speed attempting to get here quicker. We don't need a traffic accident. I do however want to see you in my office when you arrive."

"Yes sir."

Jesse rubbed her eyes; she didn't feel well at all. Her head felt like she was walking in a fog.

_I can't believe I did that. Why didn't I just get up like normal?_

She quickly threw on her uniform and brushed her teeth and hair. She ran down the stairs almost running Bobby over as he sat at the base of the stairs.

"Hey Jesse, you run late?"

She ignored him and headed for her truck. "Drive safe sister!" he called after her.

E!

Ten minutes later Jesse pulled in her parking spot at the station. She grabbed her bag and sprinted to the locker room. She opened her locker only to be greeted by a too familiar sound. _SPROING! _Turkey gravy flew in her face and down her shirt. Chet came laughing from around the corner.

"Man, babe that was classic, you never expected turkey gravy!"

Grabbing a towel from the top shelf of her locker she ignored her tormentor and headed toward Cap's office. She mentally prepared for the lecture she was about to receive. Never in her career had she been late for a shift.

"Come on Jesse! It was just a little Thanksgiving humor."

Jess shot him the finger as she rounded the engine.

John was in the bay checking out the equipment on the squad. He'd heard Chet yell after her something about Thanksgiving humor. He looked up as Jesse came around the engine wiping her face on a towel. Her face showed no emotion. Brown goop covered her shirt.

"Jess are you ok?" He reached out placing his hand on her shoulder. "Is that turkey gravy?"

She nodded pulled away and entered Cap's office.

"CHET!" she heard John yell.

E!

John entered the locker room determined to make Chet pay for what he did. Water bombs, cupcakes, and color changing shave cream were one thing, but turkey gravy had gone too far. Something inside told him that today is difficult for Jesse and she didn't need childish pranks to make her worse. He liked her and worried about her despondent attitude. As he rounded the corner he saw Mike holding Chet against the lockers.

"Chet you took it too far this time!"

"Come on Mike. It was a harmless prank. You don't need to overreact. I was trying to make her laugh."

"Chet there are some things you just don't understand. I'm telling you leave her alone. Either find another pigeon or I will make sure that you hate working here."

"Gee Stoker. If I didn't know you better, I'd say you had a thing for Jesse. I mean I wouldn't blame you if you did, she's really cute. I'd like to lay her…."

Mike pushed him hard against the lockers causing him to wince.

"Don't you dare finish that sentence! I won't tolerate you or anyone else talking about her that way. I'm serious Chet! Leave her alone!"

Chet stood there in shock rubbing his shoulder. He'd never seen Mike lose his temper. He was always level-headed, the rock of the crew.

_He's awfully protective of her, maybe there is something going on between them. Nah Stoker's too by the book; he'd never disobey Cap._

Mike was furious. He was angry with Chet for the gravy bomb and angry with himself for losing his temper. He rounded the corner a little too fast hitting John.

"Move it John! I'm not in the mood."

John placed his arm across the doorway.

"Look Mike I was coming in here to talk to Chet, but I see you've already done that."

"Yeah?! What do you care?"

"I do care. Mike there's something wrong with her and Chet needs to lay off. Though I don't see how you losing your temper with him will help."

E!

Jesse knocked softly on Cap's door. She knew what he wanted to talk about and wasn't looking forward to it. She tried hard to shake off the dizziness she felt.

"Cap you wanted to see me?" she voiced barely audible. Cap looked up to see her staring at the floor, towel in hand and her shirt covered in light brown.

"Yes I did. Please take a seat. What happened?"

"Sorry sir I overslept. It won't happen again. I accept any punishment you see fit." She sat and continued looking at the floor. _Jesse can't you look at anyone? Nobody here will harm you. _Cap took a deep breath, rubbed his eyes, and sat on the edge of his desk.

"Jess, I want to know what happened just now. I know you came to work in a clean shirt."

"Nothing sir. I guess I grabbed a dirty shirt in my rush to get to work."

Cap sighed as he leaned forward. He knew Chet tormented her, but she never would admit it.

"I know that's not true. That gravy is fresh. I should know my wife made it this morning. Chet bombed you again didn't he?"

Jesse slowly nodded. She didn't want Chet to get into trouble; he was just trying to make her feel welcome. Every station has a prankster; Chet was 51's.

"Yes sir. It was in my locker." She replied softy.

"Ok I will deal with him later. Now Jess I need your honesty. Are you ok? Since you've been here you've been extremely withdrawn from us. It hasn't affected your work yet, but I'm afraid it will. We have people at headquarters you could talk to if you don't feel comfortable with me."

She shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

"No sir that is not necessary. I'm ok and I promise it will not affect my job."

"Well promise me that you will get help somewhere ok? Now I did have one other matter to discuss. Jess I noticed on your file you left the emergency contact blank. Do you have anyone I can contact if something were to happen to you, a parent, aunt, uncle, anyone?"

Jess shifted uncomfortably in her seat again. _I was really hoping you wouldn't notice Cap. _She shook her head and focused on the clock.

"No sir. My parents are dead and I have no other relatives, and there are no close friends either."

Captain Stanley sighed and rubbed his face. He got up from the desk and paced the room. _Surely you have someone._

"So there is no one I can call in the event of emergency or to make decisions on any medical care you might need? Jess there has to be someone. I can't leave it blank. Chief McConikee has already questioned it."

She slammed her hands against the arm rests as her temper rose.

"Sir I'm telling you there is no one. The only person who would have cared is dead, and he can't make decisions from the grave. Put down a fake name and number it doesn't really matter."

"Ok, Ok! I will tell you what I'll do. I will put down myself for now, but the moment you find somebody tell me. You're dismissed; please get cleaned up. It's your turn to take care of the dorms; I want them thoroughly cleaned. Send Chet in."

E!

Jesse went straight to the locker room to get ready for a quick shower. The gooey gravy was starting to smell funny. She opened her locker carefully, afraid that Chet had reset the bomb. She jumped when she felt a soft hand on her shoulder. Jesse turned around and saw it was just Mike.

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to let you know that Chet won't be doing any pranks for a while."

"It's ok. I know he's the station prankster. It's just his thing." She opened her duffel and frantically dug around it looking for a clean shirt.

"Damn! In my rush this morning I forgot my clean uniform. Now I have to go around smelling like turkey."

Jess proceeded to unbutton her light blue uniform shirt. Mike held his breath.

_Did she forget I'm standing right here?!_

She removed it and revealed a stark white t-shirt. He forcefully blew his last breath out. She looked at him puzzled.

"What? Did you think I'd undress in front of you? I like you Michael, but not enough for you to see me in my underwear." She questioned as she headed to the sink.

_But you like me enough to wear skimpy shorts and a tight-fitting top with no bra. Wait she didn't know it was me at the door!_

"Jess it's all right, borrow one of Chet's. The way I look at it he owes you anyway." Mike opened Chet's locker only to find that he didn't have one either. "Well. Hmmm. He forgot to pick his up again. I guess you can wear one of mine."

He reached in his locker and pulled out a freshly pressed shirt.

"Really Mike? It's two sizes too big; it will swallow me whole."

"Well your options are smell like turkey gravy or wear my shirt. You can't wear John's or Roy's they have Paramedic patches. Though technically it wouldn't matter you are a registered medic."

She took the shirt from him and pointed at the door.

"Fine, your shirt it is. Now please leave and hang the sign on the door."

E!

"Uh, Jesse did they give you the wrong shirts at the cleaners?" John inquired.

Mike looked up from the paper to see her standing at the counter getting a cup of coffee. The sleeves of the shirt fell well below her elbows. He felt himself getting warm as his mind wandered.

_Wish she was at my counter wearing nothing but that shirt. _He yanked up the paper quickly trying to control his thoughts. _Cool it Stoker! She's not even your girlfriend yet. You just yelled at Chet for having those same thoughts._

"Yeah John they did. I didn't notice till I changed."

She took a drink. Noticing Mike was suddenly uncomfortable she left the room to finish the dorms.

_You're the one who suggested I wear your shirt. So don't go getting all hot and bothered by it. It was kind of cute to see him blush._

In the dorm she felt worse. Her hands began to shake and her stomach turned with nausea. She went to the sink and splashed water on her face. As she looked in the mirror she realized she didn't recognize herself anymore. Her face was thin and dark circles surrounded her eyes.

The Klaxons sounded causing her to jump in surprise. "Engine 51, rubbish fire in the alley, 515 Waldo Street. 515 Waldo Street, cross street Industrial Avenue. Time out 9 :54."

E!

"Can you believe that, babe? Calling us out for a fire the size of a leaf pile. It was mostly out by the time we got there!"

Jesse rolled her eyes and headed to the kitchen. John and Roy were out for an unknown rescue so it was empty. She felt dizzy all morning, but now it was worse. Her stomach churned with nausea and her hands trembled. She shook her head trying to get rid of the blurry vision.

I _just need a cup of coffee._

She poured herself a cup and sat at the table. She put her head down and breathed in its aroma. She shook her head again attempting to shake the dizziness and nausea she felt. She suddenly felt very sleepy. She laid her head on the table. Her vision blurred as her thoughts turned to this time last year.

_Hey Jesse-bug you've got to see this! McGreggor is trying to shove the turkey in the oven and it's still in the packaging. "Hey Scott you have to take it out of the plastic even my dog knows that!" _

_McGreggor threw an oven mitt in their direction. "Shut up Thing One! I heard it helps keep it moist. Besides I don't see your ass in here." _

_Brandon dodged it. "Yeah that's because I cooked my dish at home all I have to do is warm it up." _

_Scott slammed the oven. "You mean your mother cooked it."_

_Brandon laughed. "At least my mother cares enough to help me!"_

"_Leave my mother the fuck out of this!" McGreggor snarled._

Jesse heard a familiar voice in the distance and felt someone shaking her. She tried hard to focus on the voice calling her name.

"Hey Jess! Jess! Jesse! Are you ok?"

She opened her eyes surprised to find that she had laid her head on the table. Jess looked up right into Mike's worried blue eyes. She looked around and the crew was looking at her with concern. She thought she had cried, but when she wiped her face her hand came back dry.

"Yeah fine. I was just thinking."

John gently took her wrist and began taking her pulse.

"Thinking, huh? Jess you're shaking all over, and Mike's been trying to wake you for five minutes. Roy pulse is 130 and bounding."

He placed his hand on her back to count respirations. Red flags were flying in his mind. He wondered if she was on drugs.

Jesse pulled away. "I'm fine! I don't need you going all paramedic on me."

She got up to leave; the dizziness caused the room to spin. She reached out for the table only catching the edge she started to fall. Roy caught her by the arm and helped her to the floor.

"Take it easy; I have you."

He looked up to Chet who was worried about his partner. He wondered if his prank this morning had anything to do with her current condition.

"Hey Chet, call in a still alarm, medical emergency. We also need an ambulance."

Jesse fought the hands that were restraining her as she heard Roy on the bio-com to Rampart.

"Like hell I am going to the hospital. There's nothing wrong with me. John let me up."

John kept a firm grip on her shoulder. "TAKE IT EASY! That's up to the Doc not you!"

"Jess there is something wrong. You don't get dizzy and fall for no reason. When was the last time you ate?" Mike asked.

_Please don't say Tuesday when I was over._

"I don't know, Tuesday?" Jesse closed her eyes trying to stop the dizziness. She tried to pull her left arm over her eyes but stopped when the shaking became bad. Nausea continued to ravage her stomach. Her paramedic training flooded her mind.

_Patient has nausea, dizziness, tremors and fainting spells. She also admits to not eating for two days. Administer IV D5W add a 50% dextrose solution. Transport._

She heard the familiar sound of a BP cuff deflating. Roy sighed. All the vitals pointed to dehydration and hypoglycemia.

"John BP is 100/70. Respirations are 30 and shallow. Pulse is up to 140, still bounding."

Jesse opened her eyes when she felt someone gently grab her face. John looked down at her, his brown eyes filled with concern. She tried to avoid his gaze.

"Jess look at me! You mean to tell me you haven't eaten since Tuesday? That's two days ago!"

Roy tapped John on the shoulder. "Rampart wants an IV, D5W. TKO"

She tried to break free. She'd had enough of paramedics, IV, and people worrying about her.

"Yeah John I haven't been hungry. Now let me up! I'm not taking any damn IV!"

Captain Stanley leaned into her line of sight. His face filled with concern.

"Not a chance, your blood sugar is probably extremely low. You're going to Rampart and you're taking that IV. That's an order Jesse."

Giving a loud sigh she stopped fighting and lay on the floor. She didn't want to learn how Captain Stanley dealt with insubordination.

Mike stood back as they loaded her in the ambulance. _Jess you promised me you'd start taking better care of yourself. What happened?_


	12. Chapter 12

Ch. 12

The station was in a somber mood. Even Henry sat with his face against the back of the couch ignoring his share of the meal. Mike sat at the kitchen table pushing his food around on his plate, his thoughts elsewhere. The crew sat in silence each staring at his own plate, all except Jesse's replacement. He sat cheerfully eating his meal unaware of why he was here.

"So guys, how's business today?"

"Slow just the way we like it on a holiday." Chet snapped. _Stupid rookie, he's actually excited about working Thanksgiving. Man I hope Jess is ok. I can't work with this guy for too much longer._ He propped his head on one hand giving a long sigh.

Mike looked across the table at John who also was pushing his food around. "Hey John, can I talk to you in the dorm for a second?"

"Uh, sure."

He followed Mike to the dorm. Mike sat on his bunk put his head in his hands and wondered if he was doing the right thing. John took a seat on Jesse's bunk across from him leaning forward with his arms on his knees.

"So uh, Mike what's going on?"

"John I'm going to tell you something on the grounds it doesn't leave this room. You can't tell anyone understand? I made a promise to her."

"Yeah, I won't tell anyone; I promise. It's about Jess isn't it?"

Mike nodded still starting at the floor. "John, Jesse is really depressed and has been for quite some time. She is struggling with her brother's death. He died while they were on shift together. She blames herself though it's not her fault. She honestly wants help, but she's too ashamed to ask for it."

"I figured she's depressed. It sounds like survivor's guilt, it's not uncommon among firefighters who have suffered loss. What can I do to help?"

"I have a plan and need your help. Do you still have that friend who works at the movie studio?"

"Yeah Wally he's a stunt coordinator. How does he fit in?"

"I need to recreate Brandon's accident."

E!

Jesse lay in a hospital bed replaying the day's events. Dr. Early thought it would be best to keep her at least overnight to get her fluids back up and run some tests. She hated hospitals. Between a dislocated shoulder requiring surgery, burns on her abdomen that wouldn't heal, and pneumonia she spent close to four months in one after Brandon's death. She vowed to never be in one again. Of course she had no one to blame but herself for being here. If she only done what she'd promised Mike, she would be at the station instead of lying alone in a hospital room._ Wow who would have thought that the day would go downhill after over sleeping?_

However she was in debt to John; he lied to Dr. Early by saying she was recovering from a stomach virus. _Why would he do that after I've been so rude to him?_ He hardly said anything in the ambulance; he just kept checking her vitals and adjusting the drip on her IV. He did tell her that he would cover for her on the grounds that she would not let this happen again. The one time Jesse had looked at him she saw nothing but worry and concern. Tears filled her eyes as she realized that the guys really did care about her even though she had given them no reason to.

Light entered her dimly lit room as a nurse entered carrying a cafeteria tray. She gave Jesse a warm smile as she set the tray on the table. "Now Hon, I realize being stuck here on Thanksgiving is a real downer but don't cry. We will have you better in no time and you can spend the weekend with your family. Ok? I'm Suzanne; I will be your night nurse. Now I heard you had that nasty stomach virus so I brought you something easy on your stomach." Suzanne checked the IV and heart monitor. "I see you almost need another bag. I'll bring it next visit." Jesse chuckled as she saw some chicken broth and bright green Jell-O. She ate enough of that to float a ship the last time.

"Could I have something with a little more sustenance? I haven't been sick in a while."

"Dr. Early said this was it, but if you can keep this down I will bring a sandwich. It will be our secret. Eat this first and I will be back to check you in an hour. Ok?"

"Yes, ma'am." Jesse replied sadly as she stuck her spoon in the Jell-O. She didn't feel hungry but she knew to leave she had to eat everything they gave her.

E!

Down the hall in a small office Dr. Brackett and Dr. Early were in disagreement. Joe slammed his fist on the desk and leaned toward Kel.

"Kel, I'm telling you there's more to it than just a stomach virus. She's underweight and didn't get that way from a two-day virus."

"What do you want me to do, Joe? Go in and demand she tell us what's really going on? That will get us nowhere. I called her previous physician and he said she has always been small. He's sending her file. It will be here first thing in the morning."

"There's a difference between small and underweight, Kel."

"Well what did her labs say?"

"All clear no sign of infection. Her blood count is good but it did show low potassium and iron. I don't like it; there is something else going on. I intend to find out."

E!

Mike lay awake in his bunk hoping the tones would sound. He needed something to keep his mind off Jesse. Giving a sigh he got up and went to the kitchen. Captain Stanley was sitting at the table with the policy manual in front of him. He was studying it intently with his eyebrows furrowed. He rubbed his forehead.

"Can't sleep pal?"

"No, Cap. I thought a glass of milk would help. What are you up to?"

"I'm trying to figure out the best way to help Jesse. After today I can't ignore it any longer. I believe she's a threat to herself. I've noticed that she has lost weight, but I chose to ignore it. It's my fault Mike; I'm responsible for the welfare of the crew. I let her fall through the cracks. I just don't want to mess up her career, pal. The only option the department gives will do exactly that. She will be lucky to stay on duty as a lineman when they're finished with her. Surely someone noticed she wasn't ready for active duty at her previous assignment. I want to know who released her."

Mike sat across the table from his Captain feeling he was responsible too. He hung his head and stared at the gold flecks on the table. After all he is second in command; it's his job to bring to Cap's attention anything he thought might harm the crew's integrity. Both men looked up as they heard footsteps entering the doorway.

"Uh sorry I didn't realize you two were up." John entered the kitchen grabbed a glass and sat by Mike at the table. He poured himself some milk. Soon after John had entered Chet and Roy also joined them at the table. Cap looked at his team. "Well can't anyone sleep?"

"Ben is, he's sawing logs in the dorm." Chet snickered. He laid his head back with mouth open, closed his eyes and snored loudly. The crew chuckled. None of them liked Ben; he was arrogant. John leaned forward and looked intently at Cap.

"You're reporting her?"

"I have to, John. It's my job. She's a threat to herself and the crew."

"Well from what I understand, Jesse has been sick with a stomach virus. She came in today because she didn't want to ruin anyone's Thanksgiving. She didn't take in account the extra fluid loss. That's why she passed out."

Captain Stanley looked around the table. Giving a sigh he stood. "So you are all in agreement?" Everyone's head nodded and gave a unanimous "Yes." Cap placed his hands on his hips, looking at the floor he chuckled. His crew has always shown loyalty to one another even if one member really didn't deserve it.

E!

It was around four in the morning when Suzanne heard screaming coming from Jesse's room. Dropping the chart on the counter she ran. Upon entry to the room she saw Jesse tossing wildly in her bed screaming: "No….not leaving. No….Brandon hang on!" Suzanne tried to gently hold her to the bed afraid she would pull her IV or worse hurt herself.

"Jesse, sweetheart wake up. Come on open your eyes."

"NO! Please Brandon….got to pull…"

"Jesse! Jess calm down; you'll pull your IV." Suzanne coaxed trying to keep a gentle but firm grip.

Jesse pulled hard against the hands holding her and Suzanne lost her grip. Thrashing around the confines of the hospital bed she pulled her IV. As dark red blood flowed on the sheets Jesse bolted upright and yelled, "NNNNOOOO!" She fell back against the bed eyes wide with fear and was trembling uncontrollably. Suzanne tried to calm her by running her fingers through Jesse's hair and whispering, "Shhh. It's ok." However it had no effect; Jesse was too agitated. She checked the IV thankful that the entire catheter had come out.

The door opened quickly and Dr. Early rushed in.

"Nurse, what happened? I was doing my rounds and heard screaming."

"She had a nightmare and pulled her IV. Don't worry the catheter came out, no cut down necessary. I will get a new one established."

Dr. Early approached the bed checking the heart monitor and her arm where the IV had been. Jesse was still breathing heavily her eyes wide and the monitor beeped quickly. He gave a stern look.

"Jesse are you ok?"

"F-f-fine. J-j-just a b-b-b-bad dream."

"Nurse give her 10 mg diazepam after you get that IV reestablished."

"N-no d-d-don't need i-it. I'm ok; j-just give me a second."

"It will help you relax. You need the rest. I will be back around nine; I need to discuss your file. Nurse go ahead with the diazepam."

E!

After his relief arrived Mike headed to Rampart to check on Jesse. He thought of the plan formed last night. Mike and John agreed to meet Saturday at the training field to test his theory. John was calling his friend, Wally to borrow some harnesses when he got home. Cap wasn't too thrilled about not getting her help from headquarters, but gave his permission to carry it out. He told them that if she didn't show signs of improvement in a week he would finish his report.

Dixie greeted him with a smile as he approached her desk. She knew why he came; John had filled her in on his suspicions.

"So Mike what brings you down here? We normally don't see a firefighter specialist unless he's on a stretcher."

"Well Nurse" he teased. "I'm here to see Jesse. John brought her in yesterday. I wanted to make sure she was ok and bring her some real food."

She gave him an innocent smile. _John's right, he's in love. _She pretended to check a chart. "Now Mike our food isn't that bad, but I'm sure she will be glad to see you. I believe Dr. Early has her in room 121. That's down the hall and to the right." He gave her a warm smile before heading down the hall. "Thanks Dix!"

"Mmmhmm. That boy's got it bad, I can see it in his eyes", she sighed.

"Who's got what bad, Dix?" Kel asked as he placed a chart on the rack.

"Oh, nobody", she replied innocently.

Mike knocked on her door as he opened it. Jesse lay asleep with the monitor slowly beeping. He didn't want to wake her so he quietly sat in the chair beside her and watched her gentle rhythmic breathing. He felt they had grown closer over the past few weeks, and his feelings for her grew daily.

As the diazepam wore off Jesse sensed someone in the room with her. _Damn not the nurse again. How many times does she need to check me?_ She stirred as she felt someone gently move her hair.

"Hey glad you decided to wake up" came a soft voice, _his_ voice. She slowly opened her eyes still groggy from the medication. Mike was leaning toward her on one arm the other hand was gently moving the bangs from her face. She tried hard to cover the fact she was enjoying his touch. Mike smiled. _I thought you'd enjoy that._ He turned and reached for a bag on the table.

"I brought you breakfast; you're probably tired of chicken broth and Jell-O. They seem to think that's the cure for everything. What you need is something hearty so I cooked up something at the station. Dwyer was nice enough to swing by the store on his way in."

"The nurse did sneak me a sandwich last night."

"Ooohh a _sandwich_ that will put weight on you", he teased as he pulled out two large plates and moved the table over her bed. He set one of them in front of Jesse and pulled the foil off. She stared in amazement at some scrambled eggs, two sausage links, three pieces of bacon and biscuits with gravy.

"Michael, thank you but there is no way I can eat all of this!"

"Sure you can. Don't think about it, just eat." He handed her a fork. Jesse sat quietly for a moment twirling the fork in her fingers.

"Michael, can I ask you a question and you not get upset or anything?"

"Babe, you can ask whatever you want. Depending on the question I may not give an answer though." He pointed his fork at her teasingly. "You'd better eat before it gets cold. I'd hate for all my hard work to go to waste."

She ate in silence debating on whether to ask her question. _Wow for a guy he cooks pretty good, good-looking and a great cook._ She set down the fork, took a long deep breath and asked the question that was on her mind since they became friends.

"Why are you doing this, helping me."

"I want to see the real Jesse the one who smiles and laughs, not the one that hides from everyone. I have a feeling you're a fun girl once you open up. Plus I like you."

"As a friend…"

"No Jess I _like_ you. I think you're cute; I was serious when I said I wanted to take you on a date. I want you to be my girl."

"Michael, Cap would never approve." She looked down at her plate and pushed the remnants of her breakfast with her fork.

He reached out and gently caressed her cheek. "Not everyone gets to call me Michael but I like it when you do." Leaning toward her he lifted her face with his index finger; pressing his lips against hers he gave her a tender kiss. The monitor beeped faster as Jesse's pulse quickened causing him to smile. _You can't hide it this time Jesse._ She felt his warm breath on her neck as he whispered in her ear, "Who says Cap has to know?"


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: I just wanted to say thanks for reading and giving encouragement and constructive criticism. This is my first fanfic so thanks for being patient with typos and other errors. I am trying hard to correct and update the chapters. I have to say that I really struggled with this chapter. I wrote several versions and finally decided on this one. I hope you enjoy it. Now back to the story…_

Ch. 13

Mike lay on his stomach leaning over the edge of the tower. The only thing preventing him from going over the edge was a life line tied to the opposite side. He shook his head attempting to rid his face of sweat. It was unseasonably warm for the end of November.

"Stoker, I swear if you drop me…"

"Relax John! You have a life line and the safety net is below us."

"I just don't know how much I trust it."

"What you don't trust yourself? I mean you're the one who insisted on tying your line."

"Hardy har, Mike. Come on try again and really put some oomph into it."

John in full turnouts hung on a beam two feet below Mike who was holding him by his SCBA straps. Mike pulled with all his strength his t-shirt stretching taunt over his back and was only able to lift John three inches.

"John, there's no way in hell I can pull you up alone. It's just not possible; my angle is all wrong."

John ran a hand through his shaggy hair as he hung on the life line.

"So if you couldn't do it then it's wasn't possible for Jesse to either. I mean she was exhausted after fighting the fire for that long."

John let go of the beam. Swinging on his line he prepared for his return to the ground.

"Exactly."

"Mike, do you think she will believe us?"

"Well we can show her but; it's up to her to believe it."

As Mike stood he threw the coil of rope over the edge. He reset his carabiner, stepped off and repelled to the ground. While waiting for John he removed his harness and carefully folded it. John landed with a light thud beside him.

"So Mike when are you bringing her out here?" He asked as he removed his air tank setting it carefully on the ground. After removing his soot stained jacket he shimmied his narrow hips out of his bunker pants and folded them down over his boots.

"Around two this afternoon, I only have the tower for today and you said Wally needed these back by tomorrow." Mike held up the harness.

"Is Dr. Early going to let her come back on shift tomorrow?" John slung his air pack over his thin shoulders, picked up his bunker gear, and headed toward his Rover.

"Yeah, she will be back. I'm glad; I don't think I can work with Mr. Know-it-all again. Would you believe on that last fire he tried to tell me how to run the pumps? Gee, you think after six years of doing it I'd have it down by now." Mike tapped his middle finger on his chest as he accompanied John to the parking lot.

John laughed and ran his free hand through his hair. "Really, he did that?! The nerve of some people. I would have over charged his line and laughed my ass off when it spit water all over him. I will be out here around one thirty to recheck everything."

He tossed his gear on the mattress in the back and sat on the door frame.

Mike leaned against the open door. "John, I seriously thought about it, but I didn't want to explain a ruptured line."

E!

Jesse awakened early as usual. Her hands lay behind her head as she stared at the ceiling.

_I really wish these nightmares would stop. I'd like to sleep all night._

She continued to lay in bed thinking about what happened yesterday. She never saw it coming, his kiss. She had to admit she liked the feeling it gave her. It was a rush of adrenaline that caused her to tingle all over. She didn't have to tell him how she felt, the heart monitor gave her away. As much as she liked him, she wasn't sure if she wanted to pursue a relationship. '_Who says Cap has to know?_' His words echoed in her mind.

She rolled to her left side; pulling the blanket with her she exposed her slender legs. She was certain that if Cap found out Mike would lose his job. She chewed her already short nails and gazed at the yellowing wall in front of her.

_Why would he risk his career to be with me?_ _I'm not worth it._

She sighed loudly, rolled to her back and placed her hands behind her head. The blanket wrapped around her small figure. _If_ she decided to go ahead with dating him she knew they would have to set some rules.

E!

Around seven she gave a sigh and got out of bed. Her feet lightly slapped the floor as she staggered to the kitchen. For the first time in months she fixed breakfast. It wasn't much: a couple of scrambled eggs, some bacon, and a piece of toast.

Sitting over breakfast she recalled Dr. Early's conversation. He went over her file from St. Francis asking all kinds of questions about her psychiatric treatment. He said her antidepressant needed adjusting and wrote a script for 75 mg of her current medication. He told her to come back in two weeks for an evaluation or before if she had any problems. He also inquired about the burns wanting to make sure they had healed properly. She was afraid that he would tell headquarters about her psych treatment, but he assured her that as long as she behaved herself that would not be necessary.

_Behave?! He doesn't know me very well._

Jesse placed her plate in the sink and headed to the shower. As she dried her small body Jesse heard someone knock on her door. A look of surprise filled her face. She wasn't expecting anyone. _It's probably Bobby again._ She quickly threw on her light blue shorts and spaghetti strap shirt and went to answer the door.

"Mm mm baby you've got to quit answering the door in_ that_", Mike teased as he gave her a hug wrapping one arm around her. He wondered if she dressed like this on purpose. She took a deep breath and enjoyed his woodsy scent.

_That's two times she's done that. It can't be a coincidence._

"Well if you would not come as I'm getting out of the shower, I'd be wearing better clothing. May I ask what do I owe this pleasure?" She threw her damp towel hitting him on his broad muscular chest.

He playfully threw it back missing her entirely.

"I have something I want to show you. As much as I like your outfit, I do have to ask you to change. Have you eaten today?"

She nodded. "Yes, I had eggs and bacon for breakfast and a sandwich and banana for lunch."

"How about your protein shake?"

"Not yet Mr. Bossy. I will drink it in the truck." She teased poking him gently on his chest.

He wrapped his arms around her tiny waist crossing them across her back. "If caring about you and wanting you to get better is bossy, then yes I'm Mr. Bossy."

Her heart raced. _He's doing this on purpose._

E!

As Mike pulled his truck into the empty parking lot of the training field Jesse shifted in her seat uncomfortably. She became even more uncomfortable when she saw John's white Rover parked near the ropes tower.

_What does he want to show me here?_

"Michael, why are we here and what does John have to do with it?"

Mike shut off the truck and turned so he faced her. "Jess, Johnny and I have a theory we want to show you. We want to show you that you have no fault in Brandon's death."

As her eyes filled with tears she turned her head to look out the passenger window. She didn't want to face the reality that she was responsible for her twin brother's demise.

"WHY! Why would you even _think_ of doing that?" She yelled in anger.

Mike placed his hand on her shoulder only to have her pull away, get out of the truck and run across the parking lot.

"Jesse! Baby wait", he called as he got out of the truck. He slammed his door and leaned against the fender.

_Why won't she let me in?_

John approached him worry covered his face. He held his nose between two fingers. Jess was definitely troubled by being here.

"Mike let me try to talk to her."

"Sure if you think it will help." He replied as he laid his head on his arms.

E!

Jesse sat under a tree with her head on her knees sobbing. John stood a short distance away hands on his hips trying to decide the best way to handle it. Giving a sigh he sat beside her and pulled up his knees.

"Jesse" he said softly.

"John go away! I've seen the reports, I have talked with more shrinks than I care to count, hell even his parents tried talking to me. I AM the one at fault. Nothing is going to convince me other wise. I couldn't pull him to safety."

"Jesse, Mike and I really care about you. You're part of our family whether you like it or not. We only want to help you heal. Nothing we can do or say will change the pain you feel. It will always be there, but you can choose to move forward."

Jess wiped her eyes roughly with the back of her hand.

"What do you know about it?"

"To be honest Jess, I don't know much. I've never lost anyone in that way. I have seen what guilt does to people. It tears them up inside changes them into people they were never meant to be. I know that deep inside you know the truth, but you've been so blinded by your grief that you can't see it. I've seen your heart you love helping people and you love your job. I'm not just talking about firefighting. I saw the pain you felt when you learned the woman didn't survive that car accident, but I also saw the joy it brought you when you pulled that girl out of the car. Give us a chance. If nothing else it will give us a chance to play on the rope tower. I have a feeling you're quite good at ropes."

Jesse smiled.

"That's a beautiful smile. You should show it more often. It's a shame Stoker's already claimed ya."

"YOU KNOW?!" Jesse said in shock as she blushed.

"Yeah I know. I'm not as oblivious as everyone thinks. Don't worry; if you decide to date him I won't tell Cap. I do ask that you two be careful about it; no making out behind the station or anything like that. Cap picks up on stuff pretty fast. Now how about we see if Stoker can lift my skinny ass off that beam."

John helped her stand and they walked back to Mike's truck. John's words hung with her. He was right. _For a goof ball he sure knows a lot and can be serious when needed. _Halfway back she stopped.

"Uh, John."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for…"

He held up his hand. "No problem. That's what family's for to talk sense to us sometimes."

E!

Mike was still leaning against his truck when they got back. He had his head on his arms staring at the hood. John clapped his hands causing him to look up.

"All right Mikey; let's get this show on the road."

John held up his hands.

"Gage, you call me that again I will string you up there and leave you for the trainees."

"Gee sorry Stoker."

Mike looked to her. He studied her face intently.

"Jess are you sure?"

She nodded. "Yeah Michael, I'm sure. If anything it will be funny to see John strung up there."

Ten minutes later John hung from his life line and Mike was hooking Jesse up to hers. She slapped his hand away when he tried to help her with her harness from behind.

"I can do it."

"It's kind of complicated…" He whispered.

"No it's not, you just want an excuse to touch my ass" she whispered back.

"Yeah so?" he countered placing his hands gently on her hips. He pulled her closer and moved a hand to her stomach.

Jess felt a chill run up her spine.

"You haven't earned it yet! Besides I haven't agreed to date you yet."

He placed his other arm around her waist pulling her close. He leaned forward so his lips were at her ear.

"I think you have; you just don't want to admit it. How about tonight you and I go out and talk it over?"

Jesse was relishing the moment when a loud thump came from below.

"Hey you two, I'm not hanging down here forever. Either get moving or I'm going home."

E!

On the way home Jesse thought about the recreation. Deep inside she always knew that Brandon's death was truly an accident, but as John said her grief wouldn't allow her to admit it. _Healing is going to take a long time, but I think I can do it now that I'm not alone._

"Ok we're here. I will be back to pick you up around seven. I've got to go home and cleaned up. You want me to walk you up?" He asked as he opened her door.

"No that's ok. See you at seven." She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and got out of the truck. Turning around she flashed him a quick smile and headed up the stairs. Mike shook his head as he started his truck. _I think you've already decided._

E!

At five till seven Mike pulled in a parking place at Jesse's apartment. He had taken other girls on dates before, but he had never been this nervous. He locked his truck before heading up the stairs not trusting the new shady characters that found their way to Shady Grove. _I'll make sure to escort Jesse back to her apartment tonight._

He straightened his navy blue shirt and belt before knocking on her door. Mrs. Dunlap cracked open her door, smiled and gave him a thumbs up.

"Good luck Michael! Remember she's a woman not a fire, treat her right."

"Yes ma'am and thank you, Mrs. Dunlap."

_Oh she's a fire all right, hot and unpredictable._

Jesse opened her door taking his breath away. She wore tight dark blue flare pants and a turquoise batwing tunic. Her short black hair was accented with bright butterfly clips that matched the ones on her shirt. She flashed him a brief smile as her face reddened.

"Well are you going to stand out here all night with your mouth open?"

"Uh Jess you look…wow! Umm..are you ready?"

"Yes I am." As she closed the door she gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. She lingered close to him for a moment taking in his aftershave. She inhaled softly letting out a soft whimper. _Damn he smells good. What is it? _ Mike closed his eyes as he felt her breath on his neck. He could feel the heat rising up his collar. _Easy Jess, don't be starting fires you aren't ready to put out._ She pulled away and headed down the stairs.

Once at the truck she reached out to open the door, but Mike grabbed her arm gently.

"No Jess. I will get it." He unlocked and opened the door. Jess felt strange; never in her life had a guy opened a door for her let alone insisted on it.

E!

The couple sat in a romantically lit Italian restaurant on the south side of Carson. Mike chose this particular place because the odd of someone from the station seeing them together was slim to none. Jess felt nervous. This was the first date she accepted in a long time. The last guy she dated was a total jerk and she cut off the relationship after two dates. Which only lead to vicious untrue rumors of her being "loose."

Mike sat across from her at the small wooded table turning the mug of beer round on the table. He gave a boyish smile. He was thrilled she agreed to date him. Despite her issues she not only was a beautiful girl, but she had compassion and understanding beyond anything he'd seen before.

His eyes suddenly grew wide across the room stood Captain Stanley at the register. Mike ducked down quickly. Jess gave him a confused look over her glass of water.

"Jess, head to the restroom quickly. Don't look. Cap is standing at the cash register. Keep a low profile. I think he's picking up take out. So wait a couple of minutes before looking out."

She nodded as she quickly got out of her seat. She kept her back to her captain as she slid in the ladies room at the back of the restaurant. The thrill of possibly getting caught sent chills up her spine. So this was how dating Stoker was going to be.

E!

Mike sat calmly at the table picking at the bread sticks in front of him. His pulse quickened when Cap saw him and headed in his direction carrying two boxes of takeout. Seeing an extra glass on the table caused Cap to smile. His engineer actually had a date.

"Hey Mike! Where's your date?"

Mike gave a half smile.

_In the restroom hiding from you._

"She hasn't made it yet. So what brings you here, Cap?"

Cap nodded to the boxes in his right hand.

"Em is sick, so I'm cooking dinner for me and the girls. I got to go before this gets cold. I hope your date doesn't stand you up, Pal."

Mike blew out his last breath forcefully. He was glad Cap chose take out.

_That was close!_

Jess peeked out the door. Seeing that Cap was gone she headed back to the table. She gave Mike a wild and playful smile. She giggled as the waiter placed a plate of lasagna in front of her.

"Wow, I haven't had a thrill like that in a long time! It looks like dating you is going to be exciting!"

E!

He pulled in an open parking place at Jess's apartment and turned off the truck. Leaving the key in the ignition he turned in his seat to face her. Keeping his eyes focused on her he took her hand affectionately.

"Jess, if we are going to do this then we need to set some rules."

She looked at him perplexed.

"Ok what kind of rules?" She asked as she shifted in her seat so she could see him better.

"Well for starters we can't let anyone know about us. Tonight was a close call with Captain Stanley. That means no affectionate touching; kissing or enjoying my aftershave at work like you did when I picked you up…"

"You noticed that?" she asked quietly. She moved her eyes to the floorboard embarrassed. He gently lifted her face.

"Jess, look at me. Yeah I noticed it was kind of hard not to when you let out that soft whimper and it wasn't the first time I noticed either. Don't get me wrong I enjoy it, but we can't be doing that at the station. Ok? If we get caught we will be in big trouble."

"Yeah I know."

"Hey you forget the same rules apply to me too. I have to see you in turnouts hauling hose which by the way is a major turn on for me. Especially when you come out of a fire with soot smudged on your face…"

Jesse help up her hand and laughed.

"That's a turn on for you, me in heavy bunker gear pulling hose into a burning structure?"

"Yeah. It combines two of my favorite things…" he placed his hand on her cheek and moved his face inches from hers. She smelled the scent of her favorite beer and could feel the warmth of his breath on her lips as he finished the sentence. "…You and fire."

Jess closed the gap between them. She pressed her lips against his and brushed the tip of her tongue against his lips. Surprised by her request Mike pulled back. He wasn't expecting her to make such a request so soon. It was only the second time he'd taken her out and their first official date. She looked to the floor in embarrassment.

_Why did I do that? Do I really feel like that?_

"I'm sorry." She said barely audible.

Mike gently took her face in his hands and scooted closer to her on the vinyl seat. He carefully turned her face back to him and stroked her cheek affectionately.

"Sorry for what?" he asked as he again placed his face inches from hers.

Jesse's breathing became uneven as she thought of the possibility of him actually returning her kiss. He held her face firmly but tenderly with one hand as he pressed his lips against hers. This time it was his tongue requesting entry. She relaxed into him as she returned his passion filled kiss. Feeling his calloused finger tips slide under her shirt and glide up her stomach caused her to shiver with excitement.


	14. Chapter 14

Ch. 14

Jesse's eyes fluttered open, surprised she awakened without a nightmare. She gave a soft smile as she felt him holding her tightly with an arm wrapped around her waist. He was breathing softly against her neck causing a chill to run up her spine. Turning her attention to the alarm clock her eyes grew wide.

Jesse threw his arm off her,bolted upright and shook him roughly.

"SHIT! Mike wake up!"

He rubbed his eyes and propped himself on an elbow.

"Whhhhaaaa…"

"Mike its 6:30! We'll be late if we don't get moving now!"

He got up quickly pulled on his jeans and grabbed his shirt.

"Fuck!"

Throwing on his shirt he started to run for the door. He stopped suddenly in the hallway causing Jesse to run into him from behind. Mike turned around and took her in a warm embrace.

"Mmmm, you look sexy wearing nothing but my shirt."

Leaning down he gave her a tender and passion filled kiss causing her to give a soft moan.

"See you in a bit. Make sure you leave my shirt here."

Mike sped into his parking space at Station 51. As he threw his truck in park he grabbed his duffel and opened the door. He almost ran over Roy as he sprinted to the locker room.

"Sorry Roy!" he called back.

Skirting past John he quickly opened his locker and was thankful that he kept his uniforms at work.

John sauntered over smiling. Cocking his hip he leaned against the lockers.

"You're cutting it close there, Stoker." He snickered.

"Yeah, so I'm allowed to run behind."

John wiped his nose with a finger and gave a wide smile.

"So, uh, who's the girl?" _Like I don't know it was Jesse._

Mike quickly buttoned his shirt and stuffed it into his navy pants.

"What makes you think it was a girl?"

John gave a soft chuckle as he placed his hand on Mike's shoulder and pointed two fingers at him.

"Well, for starters you're running late which is highly unusual for you. You are always second in after Cap. Second there's the soft pink lipstick that was on your collar. Unless you changed teams I know it's not yours. Third you haven't shaved and you always shave _before_ coming to work. Fourth you don't have your undershirt which means she stole it after you were _together._"

Slamming his locker closed Mike ran a hand across his face feeling the stubble that had grown overnight. _I've got to bring a razor up here or leave one at Jesse's._

"So, I was with a girl last night. It's not a crime; I am a guy you know. It's really none of your business what I do on my personal time, so drop it John."

John threw up his hands defensively just as Cap called from the bay.

"ROLL CALL!"

Mike quickly rounded the engine only to stop when he saw Jesse in the lineup. He couldn't help but look her up and down recalling last night. _Damn, with that ass she even makes department blues look good._ His heart raced and his palms became sweaty as he walked past her to take his place at the front of the line. Cap looked up from his notes on the clip board to his second in command. Clearing his throat he spoke.

"Cutting it kind of close there, Mike. I had to drink Chet's coffee this morning."

"Sorry Cap, I over slept."

John gave a cough attempting to cover a snicker. _Overslept with Jesse you mean._ He winced as Jesse stomped on his foot.

"Shut up Gage!" she whispered loudly.

Cap walked down the line stopping when he reached John and Jess. He gave them a stern look as he pointed the clip board at them.

"Is there something you two would like to share?"

The Klaxons sounded saving them from giving a response. Jess had never been so glad to hear tones.

"Station 51, boy trapped with injuries. 2631 Industrial Avenue. 2631 Industrial Avenue, cross street I-405. Time out 7:10."

E!

As Mike pulled the engine to a stop Captain Stanley disembarked. A frantic small dark-haired boy approached him. He couldn't have been more than eight. The child pointed down a steep incline.

"Please Mister, you have to help Ethan! He's stuck down there. We were playing on the ledge past the gate and he fell. He's bleeding an awfully lot. I tried to wake him but he wouldn't wake up."

Cap crouched down to the boy's level and gently placed his hands on the child's narrow shoulders.

"Ok, son we will get him out. Stay close to that police officer over there. Ok?"

The boy nodded and quickly ran to the waiting officer. Cap turned to his waiting crew.

"Stoker, move that engine to where it is facing the waterway. Kelly you help him tie a couple of lines to the front. Gage, DeSoto, and Johnson you're with me. We have a boy trapped behind that grate. He's bleeding and unconscious."

Jesse followed the men to the bottom on the incline. Standing in ankle-deep water she surveyed the area. _How the hell did those kids get in there?_ John pulled at the grate and shook his head.

"Cap we're going to need some entry tools to pry this grate up. It will take some time."

Looking down Cap shook his head and placed his hands on his hips.

"John is there no other way? I'm not sure how long that boy has been unconscious."

Jesse stepped forward from the background.

"Sir, there is a small gap there at the bottom. I'm pretty sure I can fit through it. I may be able to buy the medics some time."

Giving a sigh Cap shook his head.

"Are you sure? What do you think Roy?"

Roy looked toward Jess then to the gap.

"I don't know Cap it's awfully small and if the boy needs immediate medical attention beyond first aid…"

John stepped toward their captain.

"Cap I think she can fit and I trust her judgment on treatment. I can shove the backpack thru the gap after she's in."

"Ok John as long as you trust her."

Jesse quickly removed her coat and handed it to Cap. Lying on her back in the murky water she grabbed the bottom of the grate and wiggled thru. It was a tight fit and the coldness of the water took her breath away. Once she was on the other side John forced the bag thru.

"Don't make a liar out of me Jess. Roy and I will be in to help you as soon as we force this open. As soon as you find him give us an update so we know what we have."

Jesse gave a quick nod and headed down the culvert. She walked for what seemed an eternity carefully scanning the area for the child. _Come on where are you?_ The culvert opened into the sewer. _Great! Now where? Think like the kid. Which way looks more fun?_ She looked to the left of the opening; it was just another culvert. Looking right she saw it lead to a massive underground cavern. _Bingo!_ She pulled the handy talkie out of the bag.

"HT 51 to Command."

"Command, go ahead HT 51."

"Cap I've traveled to the end of the culvert with no sign of the boy. Just to the right there is another culvert that leads to a cavern; I'm heading in that direction to continue search."

"10-4. DeSoto and Gage are almost thru."

Jesse moved quickly through the now knee-deep water. Tripping over some debris she fell face first into the frigid water. Cursing she pulled herself up using the narrow ledge. She scanned the room and saw the boy ten feet to her right lying on a larger ledge. She pushed herself off the wall and headed toward the child.

"Ethan, hold on I'm coming."

Jesse pulled herself on the ledge and evaluated the child. _Contusion with cut on right side of head. Eyes are unequal no reaction on right side. Pulse 64, respirations 7 and shallow. _

"HT 51 to Command."

"Go ahead Jess."

"I found the child he's in the cavern opposite wall from entry culvert. He's still unconscious."

"10-4 John and Roy should almost be at your location."

She opened the small med bag pulling some gauze she gently applied it to the child's cut. After taping it down she took his blood pressure.

"Shit, 80/40. He's going into shock."

Jess felt a hand on her shoulder and John came into view.

"Whatcha got?"

"He has a cut with contusion on the right side of his head. His pupils are unequal with the right pupil unreactive. Pulse is 64, respirations are 7 and shallow. BP is 80/40."

John checked the cut under the bandage as Roy contacted the hospital.

"Hmmm not good. Stoker and Kelly are on their way in with a stokes. You ok? No offense but you look like shit."

She nodded and pointed behind her.

"Yeah I just took a face plant in the water back there. I'll be glad to get a shower."

Roy tapped John on the shoulder.

"Rampart wants an IV, D5W. We are to transport a.s.a.p."

Once the stokes arrived Jesse helped secure the child in it and carry the him to the waiting ambulance.

E!

Jesse was thankful that the tones hadn't sounded while she was in the shower. The hot water was refreshing after freezing her ass off on the ride back. As she finished getting dressed she heard a soft knock on the locker room door.

"Give me a second", she yelled as she tucked her shirt in and fastened her belt.

"Ok all clear!" she yelled back as she combed her hair in place.

The door carefully opened and Mike walked in and glanced behind him. He pretended to be disappointed.

"Aww you mean I missed it."

Jesse looked around making sure no one else had snuck in.

"Missed what?" she whispered.

He wrapped his arms around her waist.

"You getting dressed that's what."

Jesse quickly pulled away causing Mike to give her a rejected look.

"No! You're breaking rule one. 'No affectionate touching at work' in case you've forgotten."

He sat on the bench in front of her locker and looked at the floor.

"Sorry baby. We do however need to talk about what happened last night. I…"

Placing her hands on her hips she shook her head.

"No that would be breaking rule number three: No discussion of anything related to our relationship at work."

Giving a sigh Mike stood and leaned against the lockers with his arms crossed.

"There is no rule number three."

As she was heading out the door she whispered back.

"I just instated it."

As he followed her he gave a long sigh. _This is harder than I thought._


	15. Chapter 15

Ch. 15

The crew was thankful for an unusually slow day and Jesse was especially thankful they got three days off after shift. It was rare especially so close to Christmas. The guys sat at the table making plans for the station Christmas tree. Sitting on the couch Jesse tried to occupy herself by reading a book. Her mind kept wandering to last night. She closed her eyes feeling guilty. _Why did I ask him to stay on the first date? That is so not normal for me. He probably thinks I'm some sort of tramp._ Captain Stanley watched her intently. He still wasn't convinced she was getting better. _Well at least she is in the same room that is a change._ _Plus it is only the first day she has been back._

Mike was trying hard to listen to the guys chatter about the tree, but he too was distracted. Chet was especially excited that A-shift had won the draw for the tree this year. He brought some plans that he drew up the night before.

"Yeah guys I was thinking white lights this year. You know something different."

John leaned forward and tapped two fingers on the table.

"I don't like white lights Chet! I vote we do color lights like we always do. What do you think, Roy?"

Roy ran his hand across his face. He didn't want to get dragged into this again this year.

"Well Johnny I kind of agree with Chet. White lights would be a nice change. Cap what's your opinion?"

Cap turned back to the conversation at the table. He held up his hands.

"I don't really care. I just want this tree up today. Mike what are your thoughts?"

John slapped the table hard in front of Mike causing him to jump.

"Hey Mike, what are your thoughts on the lights for the tree; white or color?"

Running his fingers around the gold flecks on the table Mike sighed.

"Color I guess. I like tradition."

Chet gave an exasperated sigh.

"Come on guys that leaves us at a tie. Jesse, babe color or white lights this year?"

Jesse got up from the couch and headed out the door. She didn't want to be part of this discussion.

"I really don't care. Hell put purple ones on it. Lights are lights."

Cap gently slapped Chet on the back of his head.

"Nice going you twit! She was in here with us for a change and you had to address her!"

Chet rubbed the back of his head.

"Gee sorry Cap. I just wanted her to feel involved. I didn't know talking to her was a crime. Fine you all win color lights again this year. I'm going out back to get the damn tree. I think it has fluffed enough."

Mike rose from the table and went to the kitchen area. As he was preparing for dinner he thought about Jess's actions earlier. He was hurt that she pulled away from him and instated a new rule. He just wanted to talk about what happened the night before; explain his actions. _She hates me. It's the only explanation. I guess I blew it._

"Mike whatever is bothering you don't take it out on the tomatoes, Pal.", Cap's voice came from behind.

Mike looked down to see that he had crushed the tomatoes instead of dicing them.

"Sorry Cap. I have a lot on my mind."

He placed his hand on Mike's shoulder.

"It's ok; just make sure it doesn't affect your job. I'm just glad you're making spaghetti with those."

E!

The morning tones paged and the crew filed in the kitchen. As usual Jesse was the first one up and had made the coffee. She sat quietly reading the paper in the arm-chair. Chet sauntered over.

"I don't know how you do it. Every morning no matter how bad the night before was you beat the tones and make coffee."

Turning the page she just shrugged. _At least last night we were only paged twice for minor stuff._ Mike glanced in her direction as he headed for the coffee. _She doesn't sleep Chet. That's how she beats the tones._

Eight arrived quickly and they were relieved of duty. As Jesse gathered her things a soft knock came from the door. She was surprised seeing as she was always the last to leave.

"Come in. I'm decent."

Mike entered at sat on the bench beside her. He took a few deep breaths.

"Baby we need to talk."

Jesse sighed and hung her head.

"Yeah, we do."

Mike leaned forward staring intently at the locker in front of him.

"Meet me at the Ralph's on East Carson. We will leave your truck there and I will take you to my house. I'll even make breakfast. Just wait a few minutes before leaving here."

He left before she could say anything. She hung around the station for a few minutes before getting in her truck and driving to East Carson. Pulling in to the parking lot she scanned the lot looking for Mike's black Chevy, and found it parked on the far side near employee parking. She pulled in the spot next to him.

Mike got out of his truck and opened her door.

"I was worried you wouldn't show."

"Sorry traffic was rough." She replied locking her door.

He placed a soft hand on the small of her back and guided her to the passenger side where he opened the door again.

"Why do you do that?"

He looked at her puzzled.

"Do what, baby?"

"Open doors for me."

He gave a soft chuckle.

"I take it guys don't do that where you're from. It's the way I was raised. Dad taught me to always open doors for women. He said it was the right thing to do. I can stop if you want me to."

She blushed as she climbed in the cab.

"No it's ok. I kind of like it."

Neither spoke as they drove to Mike's house. Jesse felt awkward; she didn't know how to talk to him about the other night. She was unaware that he was having the same problem.

"Well we're here."

Mike placed the truck in park and got out. Jesse was surprised that a bachelor owned such a nice house. It was a simple brick house with shrubs lining the sidewalk. The lawn was neatly kept. He opened her door.

"I have to warn you I do have a dog and he's not too sure of new people. Wait just inside the door while I put him in the back yard." He said as he opened the door to his house. A large German shepherd rounded the corner heading right toward them. Mike tried to grab his collar but wasn't quick enough; the dog jumped up knocking Jesse to the ground.

"APOLLO! NO!"

Mike's heart raced fearful that the dog had hurt her.

Laughing Jesse gently pushed the dog to the side. Mike breathed a sigh of relief; Apollo hadn't harmed her. She laughed as the dog covered her face with gentle kisses.

"All right, boy. That's enough let her up."

Mike pulled the dog back as Jesse continued laughing.

"I thought you said he didn't like new people?" she said as she petted Apollo playfully, "Daddy's telling stories on you, Apollo."

Mike helped her up from the floor.

"He normally doesn't. You're the first person he hasn't growled at or tried to attack on the first visit. I guess he likes you. That's good because I hope you stay around. Are you sure you're ok?"

She laughed.

"Yes Michael. Other than being covered in sloppy puppy kisses I'm ok."

"Well come in and make yourself at home. It's not much but it works. I do admit that it could use a woman's touch. I'm not much of a decorator."

Jesse followed him inside. Mike was quite the house keeper. His furnishings were simple just a couch with end tables and a couple of recliners facing a small TV set. Everything was in its place and clean. _Man Brandon could never pull this off._ Mike set his keys in a dish on the counter, placed his duffel on a small shelf under it and entered the kitchen.

"I hope you like omelets. If you want to I'd love some help."

She shifted awkwardly.

"Michael I don't want to be any trouble."

He placed the percolator on a burner and smiled.

"Jess it's no trouble. I love to cook; I would be doing this anyway if you weren't here. I have to admit it is nice to have someone to cook for."

She entered the kitchen. It too was amazingly clean. The containers on the granite counter were straight and in alphabetical order. All the dishes were in their proper place.

"Sure what do you need?"

Mike placed a skillet on the burner and pointed to the refrigerator.

"Pull out some bacon, bell pepper, cheese and the carton of eggs. I will get you a knife and cutting board so you can work on the onion and bell pepper."

She washed her hands in the sink and set to cutting. After a few cuts she placed the knife on the board.

"Michael, about the other night…"

Looking up from the skillet of bacon he held up the spatula.

"Let's finish making breakfast first. If we talk now it will never get done."

Ten minutes later they sat at the dining room table enjoying what Mike called Momma Stoker's Famous Omelets. Jesse took a bite; her eyebrows rose in surprise.

"These are great! Michael I think I'll keep y...ou…"

She paused embarrassed at what she just let pass her lips. Her gaze turned to the plate in front of her; her face bright red.

Mike laughed.

"I'm glad you'll keep me; I became worried after the other night. I don't want you to think I'm in it for sex. Jess I normally don't sleep with a girl on the first date, if ever."

Jess sighed and pushed the omelet around the plate.

"That's funny I feel the same way. I'm not that _kind_ of girl."

He held her hand gently.

"Jess, I know you're not. You've been so open with me the past four months. I know you've shared things with me that you haven't shared with anyone else. You trust me and I'm afraid by staying over I broke that trust."

Looking up Jess shook her head.

"No, I still trust you. I guess we've moved to the next level in our relationship. I am sorry I pulled away from you at the station. What if Roy or Cap walked in? We'd both be in trouble."

Mike finished his breakfast and leaned back in his chair.

"Yeah I guess we have moved up. You are right; I did break the first rule. It's hard, you know, to keep my hands off someone so beautiful."

At that moment Apollo jumped up and grabbed the remnants of Jesse's omelet. Mike rose from the table and swatted the dog's nose.

"Apollo, no sir! Jess I'm sorry I don't know what has gotten in him. He normally doesn't behave this way. I can make you another one."

Jess laughed as she placed her dish in the sink and ran some water to wash the dishes.

"It's ok. He's just showing off. I'm finished anyway, my appetite still hasn't returned. I guess after months of not eating well my body's having a hard time adjusting."

She took his plate, added it to the pile and began washing dishes. He walked up and wrapped his arms around her.

"You don't have to do that."

She shrugged,"I don't mind."

Mike gently kissed her neck.

"What are your plans for today?"

"I was planning on doing some laundry and clean up the apartment."

He squeezed her tighter.

"In other words nothing. How about you spend the weekend with me? I'm going to a tree farm north of Santa Clarita to get my tree."

Jesse laughed as she flung suds at him.

"That's a long drive just for a tree."

He leaned an elbow on the counter next to her.

"Well it is my uncle's tree farm. I was thinking we could stay a couple of nights and bring the tree back Monday. He has a cabin on a lake at the back of the farm. It's beautiful up there and you could use a change of pace."

She poked a sudsy finger playfully into his chest.

"MmmHmmm anything to get me to stay the night. What about my truck? I'm not leaving it at Ralph's."

"Well you do need to pack some warm clothes, so I'll follow you to your house. Is it ok if Apollo comes? He loves it up there, plus he has taken a real liking to you."

She reached down and scratched the dog's head. She noticed earlier that he never left her side.

"Sure he can come."

E!

Three hours later Jesse gasped in amazement as Mike pulled the truck in the drive. The main house of the ranch was nestled at the base of beautiful snow-capped mountains. Rows and rows of Douglass firs stretched from the east side of the house and along the valley. He stopped in the circle drive as a beautiful petite long-haired woman came out of the house. Her face lit up when she saw who it was. Mike helped Jesse out of the truck.

"You did bring a jacket right?"

"Yeah but it's in my bag in the back."

Mike pulled his from behind the seat and wrapped it around her.

"Here wear mine for now." He said as he zipped it up and gave her a kiss.

The two headed toward the house and were greeted warmly.

Giving him a kiss on the cheek the woman wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Mike, it is so good to see you. I was getting worried you wouldn't come this year. Who's your friend?"

He stepped back.

"I would have been up sooner, but this is the first long weekend I've had off in a while. Aunt Clara this is my girlfriend Jesse."

Aunt Clara laughed and gave Jess a warm hug.

"Jesse, you must be very special for Mike to bring you here. He has never brought one of his girlfriends before. Welcome to Stoker Farms. Well Mike I have some bad news. You won't be able to stay in the cabin; one of the firs fell on it during a storm and collapsed the roof. Mark hasn't had a chance to repair it with the tree season and all. However there is plenty of room for both of you in the main house. I'm assuming that sharing a room won't be a problem."

Jesse blushed as Mike answered. "No sharing a room will be fine. Jess let's put our things in the house, then we can walk the field and pick out our tree."

Mike and Jess walked through massive field to a narrow path. Jesse enjoyed the scent of the evergreens. It brought back warm memories of her parents and Christmas traditions.

"The cabin's up this way. It's a shame we can't stay in it, maybe next year. I want to show you the lake. You're not too cold are you?"

Jesse shook her head as she took his gloved hand.

"No your aunt made sure I was bundled nicely. She wouldn't let me leave without a hat, mittens and a scarf."

Mike laughed as he wrapped his arms around her.

"That's Aunt Clara always fussing over people. She used to do the same to me before I started bringing my own. Come on."

The pair walked up the steep path hand in hand. Cedar trees lined the path creating just enough shade to make it chilly. Jess rubbed her hands together briskly and continued to follow him up the path. Apollo never strayed too far away from her. He would run forward then wait for her to catch up. She gasped when she saw the lake. The water was so calm it reflected the trees dotted with snow. The log cabin had a perfect view of the peaceful scene. _It's so serene no wonder he likes to come here._

"Do you like it?" he whispered in her ear.

Jesse nodded as she quietly replied, "Yes."

He led her to a log bench facing the lake as snow began to lightly fall.

"It looks like we got here for the first snow. There will probably be enough for a snow fight tomorrow. Is it ok if we sit here for a while? If you get too cold let me know."

She sat on the bench, curled up next to him and placed her hand on his chest. She sat quietly taking in the tranquility. This was the first time in a long time she felt this peaceful. He smiled as he felt her relax._ I wish we could stay more than a couple of days. Being here longer would be good for her._ He rested his head against hers and held her tighter.

After a while Mike noticed her breathing was softer and more rhythmic. He leaned forward and gently wiped the snow from her face.

"Jesse, baby you fell asleep. Come on let's get back to the house before you freeze."

She stirred and sat upright.

"Sorry I must have dozed off."

As they approached the house Aunt Clara greeted them.

"Well there you two are! I was getting ready to send Mark out to find you. Come in you must be freezing. I will have some soup ready soon."

Once inside she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I'm going to take a shower, get warmed up."

After dinner Jess sat curled up on the couch in front of the fireplace. Aunt Clara had set up the den for them to stay in. She liked that it was set off from the main house. Mike offered her a mug and sat with her.

"Homemade hot chocolate helps warm you up after playing outside." He teased.

She smiled as she wrapped her hands around the warm mug.

Taking a sip she said, "So I'm the first girl you've brought here."

Mike set his mug on the coffee table.

"Yeah, like Aunt Clara said you're special. Plus I knew you would appreciate the serenity out here."

She sighed as she set her mug next to his. She pondered the question that had been at the back of her mind since Mike showed an interest in her. _I know I need to ask; I'm afraid of his answer._ Jesse took a deep breath and faced him.

"Michael, you know if we get found out at work it may cost you your job…"

"Yeah and?"

She fiddled with the hem of her shirt as she stared at the floor.

"I guess I want to know why you're taking that risk. I'm not worth losing your job."

He moved closer to her. Taking her face in his hands he turned it toward him. Her eyes met his, and for the first time he noticed their color, a brilliant slate blue.

"Wow!" he whispered.

She shifted uncomfortably.

"What?"

He swallowed hard.

"Your eyes…they're beautiful. I...I never knew someone of your heritage had anything but brown."

Jesse broke her gaze and looked toward the fire.

"It's rare but it does happen. Michael answer my question. Why are you taking that risk?"

"Promise me you won't freak out when I tell you, but if you decide that being with me is no longer an option I will take you home tonight, no questions asked."

"Ok I promise."

He took a deep breath. He knew this question would eventually come up, but he hadn't expected it so soon. _We've only been on one date, well two if I count lunch at the diner. Yeah two._

"Jess, baby I have never felt the way I do when I'm with you. I feel…I feel complete. I noticed it the first time I held you and even more when I got to know you. You're a different kind of girl. One I don't have to worry about if something was to happen to me. Jess you _are_ worth it. If choosing to be with you costs me my job as a specialist then so be it. I know it sounds weird, but that's why I'm risking my job."

Jesse's eyes filled with tears. He had just been open and vulnerable with her. She tried frantically to wipe them away. He wrapped his arms around her pulling her close.

"Do I need to take you home?" he whispered.

"Are you sure I'm worth it?"

"Yeah I've never been so sure."

She snuggled against his chest.

"No I want to stay. Besides we haven't picked out your tree yet."

He held her tightly.

"You mean our tree."


	16. Chapter 16

_Author's note: Yes I know that many of the book titles I am throwing out were not available in the late 70's, but for the sake of the story please 'roll with it'. After all it's just fiction! Thanks! This is a revised version of this chapter; I didn't feel right leaving it as it was. Thanks for your continued support!_

Ch. 16

"Here you go."

Jess set a stack of books in front of John. He pushed them across the table looking confused.

"Well what are they?"

She pushed them back and started to unstack them.

"The study materials you asked for, remember?"

He picked them up one at a time intently studying the covers.

"Advanced Airway Management, Advanced Assessment and Treatment of Trauma, Pediatric Advanced Life Support, Pre-hospital Pharmacology, Advanced Cardiac Care?"

John stopped halfway through the stack in front of him. He leaned toward her and tapped two fingers on the pile.

"Jess what the hell? You mean to tell me you studied all this?"

She nodded as she poured a cup of coffee. She leaned against the counter and pointed the mug toward him.

"Yeah I did and you need to if you want to pass that exam."

Roy thumbed through the airway management book. He placed it back on the table and pulled the pharmacology one. He held it up as he gave her an exasperated look.

"Jess we are not authorized to do most of this. You're talking about intubation, issuing medication without a doctor's consent…"

She set her mug on the table as she pulled out a chair. Her face turned serious as she challenged the claim made against her.

"Whoa, Roy, time out! I didn't do anything without a doctor's consent. In my old department we had a set outline of procedures, called a scope of practice, that we as medics could do without having to contact a doctor. I'm surprised that a department the size of this one doesn't already have one in place. It saves a lot of time and has saved many a patient."

She took a drink of coffee. John scoffed as he leaned back crossing his legs.

"Hell we need her to talk to Brackett. Maybe she can talk some sense in him. I've been saying for years we needed more leeway in treating patients. So Jess I have a question. Is that why you asked for a c-collar on that first accident you were on?"

"Yes, back home we used a c-collar and backboard on all trauma patients; we didn't want to risk any unknown injuries. Like I said before I'm having a hard time adjusting to life as just a firefighter. You can take the girl out of job but you can never take the job out of the girl. By the way I want my books back when you are done with them; they cost an arm and a leg."

Jesse rose, placed her cup in the sink and headed for the bay. After she had left Roy looked at John suspiciously. He pointed behind him toward the door.

"You knew she is a medic?"

John smiled and took a drink of coffee.

"Yep and so does Cap. Why do you think he sends her with us on rescues and extrication? Plus she promised to help us prepare for that national registry exam."

E!

Mike stopped the engine at the nearest hydrant to the incident. Chet stepped off giving Jess a dirty look. On the way he lost the draw for tapping the hydrant for the fifth time in a row. She just gave him a smile and waved as Mike pulled the engine in front of the two-story house. Captain Stanley radioed LA giving them a scene size up, and proceeded to assign tasks.

After running her arm through a large section of hose Jesse stepped off the tail fin of the engine. Mike walked to the rear pretending to check the output for the 2 ½ line.

"Baby be careful" he whispered.

Nodding she pulled the line toward the house. He couldn't help but watch her fluid movement as she stretched the line across the green lawn. _You get me every time in that bunker gear. _ Chet ran up as she was entering the structure. He pointed to his chest.

"Nope babe I'm on the nozzle this time. You wear my ass out when I'm hauling line."

She held up her hand as she handed him the nozzle.

"Sure, fine. It's not my fault you let yourself get out of shape."

Chet pulled her forward in the house.

"Whatever babe, just tell Stoker to charge the line."

She turned toward the engine and moved her thumb up a couple of times.

"Stoker, charge the line!" she yelled.

Mike smiled when he saw her hand signal, and he added a little extra pressure to the line. _Payback is a bitch, Chet!_

Chet and Jess moved to the back of the house toward the kitchen. Apparently the scared house wife let the grease get too hot and tried to put out the fire herself with water causing the flames to soar in her small kitchen. By the time she called the fire department the rear of the house was partially involved.

Jesse braced herself preparing for Chet's opening the nozzle. She placed her hand firmly against his back when she felt him shift further back than normal. He cursed under his breath as he struggled to hold the line. Jess leaned toward his ear and forced the line forward attempting to ease the load on him. She was concerned; the line never felt like this before.

"You all right, Chet?"

He nodded, "Yeah Babe just trying to hold this hose."

She shrugged and continued to support the weight of the hose. _Surely he would say something if he wasn't ok, but damn this hose is a little hot._ For the first time since the accident she felt at home. In her darkness she forgot how much she loved fighting the dragon and feeling the raw power of a charged line. She inhaled deeply and listened to the sounds around her, the crackle of the fire, the whoosh of water coming from the hose, the hiss of the dragon dying and….Chet bitching as usual. He always knew how to ruin a moment for her.

"Fuck! What the hell is Stoker doing out there? This line has enough pressure to peel the paint off the engine."

She shrugged as she pulled the hose deeper in the house as Chet sprayed around the kitchen and down to the adjourning dining room.

"Chet are you sure you're ok?"

Chet struggled to move the line and keep up as they moved right to finish off the last of the fire.

"Yeah babe, just keep the hose forward. We are almost done anyway."

Jesse felt her temper rising. It was obvious that something was wrong not only with Chet but with the line.

Outside Mike smiled as he imagined Chet working the line. _He is probably struggling his ass off. _He jumped when he felt a hand land on his right shoulder.

"Sorry Mike I didn't mean to scare you", Cap's voice came from behind. "That line is a little over charged don't you think?"

Mike shrugged.

"Yeah a little I guess. Jess said she likes to work with more pressure."

Cap placed his hand firmly on Mike's shoulder. Leaning near Mike's ear he spoke in a harsh tone.

"Game's over, Pal, turn it down. I don't know what has gotten in you, but it stops now."

E!

Jess was in the kitchen working on dinner when she felt a soft hand run across her backside and wrap around her.

"Chet is mad as hell. He's still trying to figure out why he couldn't handle that line very well." Mike whispered in her ear.

Jesse roughly pushed him away as she turned to face him.

"Yeah?! What the hell was that about anyway? That line was hot and you know it!"

He pointed toward the locker room.

"Oh come on. I was trying to help you get even with Chet."

"Getting even with Chet involves water bombs and syrup in his boots not putting us in danger."

He leaned against the counter next to her.

"Baby it was only fifty extra pounds. I knew you could handle it."

She pointed to her chest angrily.

"I wasn't on the nozzle, Mike! We changed spots once we got inside; Chet insisted he was working the nozzle this time. You know how out of shape he's let himself get. Fifty extra pounds in a line for him is like a hundred to me! I can't believe you of all people would do that. I don't know what has happened to you, but you're not the Michael I fell in love with. He would never put me or his brother in that situation."

He pushed roughly away from the counter.

"Yeah?! I'm not the same? Jess you've changed too."

She turned and started to roughly chop the lettuce for the salad.

"Yeah, Michael I have changed. I changed for the better."

Both jumped when they heard a knock on the kitchen door. John carefully entered.

"Uh, am I interrupting your first fight?"

Mike looked to her then John in shock.

"He knows about us?! How the hell did that happen?"

Jess nodded, "Yeah he knows; he's known since you took me to the rope tower. He promised not to say anything."

John held up his hands, "Oh, I'm not. You keep up this argument and I won't have to. Oh by the way, Jess you have a package. It's on Cap's desk."

She gave a puzzled look as she headed to the office.

E!

Jess quietly knocked on the door.

"John said there is a package for me."

Cap stood and handed her a box. Jesse examined it; the box was plain with no return address. She tried to read the postmark, but it was smeared beyond recognition. It was slightly heavy for a box of its size. She shook it gently. Cap chuckled.

"You know Jess the best way to figure out what's inside is to open it."

"Yeah I know. I can't figure out who would send me a package especially to the station."

As she turned to leave Cap placed a gently hand on her arm.

"Jess, are you all right?"

Yeah, Cap. Why wouldn't I be?"

He sat on the edge of the desk and ran a hand across his face.

"I overheard you and Mike. I only caught parts of it, but enough to know you're upset about what happened at that fire. Jess, I've already spoke to him about it. It won't happen again, so you don't have to worry."

She stepped toward the door. "That's not what I'm worried about, Cap."

E!

She took the box and headed to the dorm. Placing the box on her lap she leaned against the wall behind her. She was afraid and worried. _Revenge with Chet, he has never done anything that would harm me. Yeah he changed my legs purple and bombed me with gravy, but those were harmless pranks. Not like overcharging a line, that's just dangerous. What was Michael thinking? _She sighed loudly and inspected the box in front of her.

She pulled out a knife and cut the tape. Jess carefully opened the box and removed the brightly colored Christmas paper. Her eyes filled with tears as she read the carefully handwritten note:

_Jesse, I was surprised when I received a phone call from a certain friend of yours and even more surprised to find that you made your way to California. He called and gave us an address to send a care package to you. It was an answer to prayer. We have been so worried about you and wondered if you were safe. He wouldn't give us his name just your address. So tell him thank you for us. We know this year Christmas is difficult for you. Since you won't be with us this year Phil and I wanted to send you some Christmas love. We hope this will reach you in time. I also hope your new Captain will forgive you for receiving a package at the station. Hopefully I sent enough cookies and other goodies for you to share with your new crew. (Only if you want to.) I was going through Brandon's things and found some items I know he would want you to have and included those too. Just know that Phil and I love you like our own daughter and hope to hear from you when you are ready. Merry Christmas and be safe._

_Love Phil and Linda Weaver_

Mike stood in the doorway watching her read the letter. He called Brandon's parents a couple of weeks ago just to give them an address where she could be reached. They asked for her home address, but he explained why it wasn't a great idea now. Surprisingly she understood and was very thankful that she could send Jess a Christmas care package. Though he had said nothing about dating Jess the woman thanked him for taking care of her. _Taking care of her? Yeah right, I just risked her life to get back at a brother. I'm taking real good care of her. How can she ever trust me again?_

Jess carefully pulled each item out of the box. Mrs. Weaver had included her favorite Christmas treats: pecan fudge, butter spritz cookies, sugar cookies and candy canes. She also added some of Brandon's: Divinity, peanut butter balls, and soft pecan melt-a-way cookies. She gasped when she pulled out a fire hand axe. Mr. Weaver had given it to Brandon when he graduated from the academy. Brandon kept it above his bed as a reminder of his calling. "Greater love has no one than this that one lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13 was engraved on its head. Tears filled her eyes as she turned the axe in her hand.

Mike sat on the bed next to her and placed his arm around her shoulder. She roughly pulled away.

"Jesse I'm sorry. There's no excuse or explanation for what I did with that line. I risked your life in a careless action. Please forgive me."

She kept her back turned to him as she wiped the tears from her face.

"Michael I don't know if I can do that. To be honest I don't know if I still want to be with you. Like I've said you've changed and I don't like this new reckless version of you. If that's what I do to you then it's best if we end it."

He leaned over placing his arms on his knees. He hung his head to hide the tears.

"Jess, please don't do that. I was so angry with Chet for tormenting you. I wasn't thinking when I added that extra poundage to the line. Baby, that's not me. I would never do anything to bring harm to you or any of my brothers."

She sighed and turned toward him.

"I'm still angry with you. Mike I trusted you not only with my secrets but my life. You're the engineer; it's your responsibility to keep safe pressures in the lines. Yeah I can handle fifty extra at the end of the nozzle, but Chet has really let himself go. I'm not sure why he has, but I think he's discouraged. He's taken the engineer exam how many times now? Every time he misses the mark by so little."

Mike sat upright. He knew Jess was right. Chet handled his frustrations in the form of pranks and when Jess refused to give an adequate response that just fueled his frustration.

"I'm sorry I broke your trust."

She handed him the box of sugar cookies.

"I forgive you. So you called the Weaver's? How did you get their number?"

"I took it from your address book when I was over a couple of weeks ago. Baby they don't blame you for what happened. In fact they are very worried about you. They told me you disappeared one night and they haven't heard from you since. "

She stared at the box in her lap. _I can't believe they cared enough to send this._

"Yeah I left without saying goodbye to anyone. Captain Moore was the only one who knew I was leaving and he didn't care."

"Is there anything else in there?" Mike poked around inside the box.

She pulled out the last of the green tissue paper. In the bottom of the box was a leather-bound photo album. She pulled it out and set the box aside. As she placed the album on her lap she opened the cover. The album held all the photos that were ever taken of her and Brandon. Everything from academy pictures to photos of them working fires could be found on its pages.

"Thank you for calling them." Jesse whispered as she placed the axe and album back in the box. "Guess I need to share these, but ya'll are not getting my butter spritz."

Mike laughed as he took one of the sugar cookies.

"Well technically they are yours. Hey Christmas is next week. What are your plans?"

She shrugged as she stacked the mini boxes of treats.

"Nothing really, I signed up to work if anyone wanted off. So far no one has taken me up on the offer."

He rose and helped her with the boxes.

"Well take your name off the list; we are spending Christmas together. I have a lot of work to do, earning your trust again."

Jesse looked at him in confusion.

"Don't you go to your parents?"

"Not this year, they are heading to Japan to visit my brother and his family. He is stationed on an army base over there. So we can work through this together just you and me with no distractions. Baby I can't tell you how sorry I am."

He held open the door as she walked out.

"Yeah I guess I can come over for a while on Christmas. After today no more breaking the rules, ok? Cap overheard part of our argument; luckily it wasn't the relationship part. Plus you need to apologise to Chet; you hurt him too."

"You're right. I broke number three it won't happen again, and I will talk with Chet."


	17. Chapter 17

Ch. 17

"Mike what's your deal? You're quieter than usual."

John sat on the couch beside him. Crossing his leg across one knee he looked around to make sure they were alone.

"You and Jess aren't having problems are you? I mean she isn't still mad about the line thing is she?"

Mike shook his head.

"No she's not mad anymore. It just took a lot of work to make it up to her. I am getting tired of sneaking around. I mean I have this amazing girl, but I can't tell anyone. We've been together for eight months now and the only person who knows is you. Well my uncle and aunt in Santa Clarita know, but they don't count. I've even thought about putting in for a transfer, just so we don't have to sneak around anymore."

John leaned back placing his hands behind his head.

"Yeah that is rough; I don't know how you've kept it secret this long. Jess has been good for you. You're happier and even more talkative. That's not what's bothering you."

Mike got up and stretched. Wiping his face he headed toward the coffee on the stove.

"John something doesn't feel right about today. I can't place what, but something is wrong. I almost feel like something bad is going to happen."

John leaned his back against the counter and crossed his legs at the ankle.

"Mike it's been a slow shift, well for you anyway. Roy and I have run all over the place. Hey I'm sure everything is ok; the shift is half over. Go take a shower and hit the sack; Cap said lights out is at 11 tonight, no exceptions."

Mike sighed as he headed to the locker room.

"Yeah you're probably right."

E!

Soft snores filled the dorm as Mike lay awake in his bunk. The bad feeling just wouldn't go away. Placing his hands behind his head he gave a long quiet sigh. As he started at the ceiling he tried hard to convince himself that this shift is just like any other. He sat up and looked through the darkness at the clock behind him.

"Two", he mumbled as he lay down on his side facing Jesse.

He loved watching her sleep. She looked so peaceful. He would often lay awake after they were together and watch her slow rhythmic breathing and feel her heart beating softly against his chest. She loved being held and he was more than happy to oblige. _I sure wish I could hold you now._

Suddenly the Klaxons sounded and the room filled with light. He rose quickly out of bed,pulled on his bunker pants and ran to the waiting engine.

"Station 51, structure fire at the Highland Apartments 14412 North Highland Street. 14412 North Highland Street, cross street Walworth Avenue. Time out 02:25."

E!

Station 51 was the first to arrive on scene. Mike stopped at the nearest hydrant and as usual Chet lost the draw for tapping it. Cap disembarked the engine quickly.

"LA Station 51 at scene. We have a four-story apartment complex partially involved with flames showing through the room. Send me a second alarm."

"10-4 Station 51."

Cap turned his attention to the waiting crew.

"Kelly, Johnson take a two and a half to the fourth floor. John, Roy a two and a half to the third floor."

Jesse nodded as she pulled the large section of two and a half-inch hose off the engine. Mike gently touched her shoulder as he checked the output for the lines. She turned to see worry covering his face.

"Jess please be careful. Sound your floors; I have a bad feeling about this one. Baby I love you."

She hesitated when she heard his last words to her. He never told her he loved her before. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts she continued with the task at hand. _I cannot be distracted. Fire eats people who are not focused._ Chet picked up the line behind her. The pair headed toward the entrance to the apartment complex. The dragon roared its welcome as they entered.

"All right babe let's kill this beast."

The trip up the stairs was difficult; debris covered the stairs making progress slow. At the top of the stairs on the fourth floor she pointed to her left.

"Chet let's go this way. Most of the smoke is coming from this direction."

He nodded and followed her lead. She sounded the floor in front of her before continuing on. Several feet in front of them the dragon showed its ugly self. Fire and smoke came from an open apartment door. She felt Chet let go of the line as he pulled the radio out.

"HT 51 to Engine 51. Stoker charge the line."

Water quickly made it way up to the pair causing the line to swing back and forth as it flowed up the stairwell and to the waiting nozzle. Leaning back Jess opened the nozzle and advanced. The dragon hissed in protest as water flowed on top of it. Its attempts to escape shut off by the team. After knocking the beast from the apartment they backed out and closed the door.

Chet and Jess moved further down the narrow hallway checking each apartment for signs of the orange and red dragon. The pair stopped before an open fire escape door. Jess reached out and felt the apartment door in front of her.

"It's hot. We have a live one."

Chet nodded as Roy's voice came over the radio.

"HT 51 to Engine 51. Cap we have fire inside the wall near the fire escape stairwell on the north end of the building. Advise second team."

Chet picked up the radio.

"We hear you HT 51."

He tapped her on the shoulder. "Did you hear that? Watch your back babe. It's near us."

Jesse nodded and prepared to enter the last apartment. She took her foot and tapped it on the floor. It felt solid. She braced herself for the power of the nozzle. She gave him a quick nod signaling she was ready.

"Ok Chet open it."

Her eyes grew wide as she felt the floor shift.

"Chet, watch it!" She yelled.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Chet opened the apartment door just as Jesse shoved him back to the south end of the hallway. Flames and embers exploded out of the apartment knocking her in the stairwell. She tumbled head over feet down the stairs. She hit her head and back hard against the wall at the bottom knocking the air from her lungs. She fell to one side as her vision blurred. Debris and embers rained on her as her sight went from grey to black.

E!

Mike was working the pump when he heard Roy's voice on the radio. He knew that Jess and Chet were in the area right above John and Roy. His pulse quickened and his hands began to shake. _Calm down Jess is smart. Everything will be ok .Must stay focused; focus on the pressures. _He turned his attention to the pump panel.

The light grew more intense as the sound of an explosion rippled through the air. Mike's eyes widened as he saw line two's pressure drop. _NO! _He quickly turned the valve off and placed his hand along the controls. _Focus on the controls; there is a team still inside that needs monitoring._

Mike's heart raced as he heard Chet's voice on the radio.

"HT 51 to Captain Stanley. Uh, Cap I lost Jesse. She fell in the stairwell; I can't reach her there's too much debris."

Unable to control himself any longer Mike sprinted toward the building.

Captain Stanley turned his head quickly in surprise as he sprinted by. His engineer never acted this way especially at a scene. Cap took four steps and grabbed him.

"Stoker what the hell has gotten in you?"

Mike frantically attempted to break his captain's grip.

"NO! NO! NO! Cap I have to help her; let me go. Please Cap, I'm begging you. She is all I have."

Cap looked in his engineer's terrified and pleading eyes. It all made sense now. All the concern for her wellbeing, the way he always hung out with her, and they were always jumpy. Mike and Jess are involved. _How did I miss it? The signs were all there. _ He drug Mike to the engine and forced him to sit on the running board. Mike looked up to his captain and cringed when he saw anger filling his face. Cap roughly held his shoulder.

"Michael! You sit here till I get back! That's an order! Because you're romantically involved with her I won't allow you to aid in her rescue. Stay here, I will deal with your insubordination later, and be warned Chief McConikee will be involved."

Mike placed his head in his hands and stared at the ground. He knew he was in trouble; he disobeyed a direct order from his commanding officer. _Yeah I'm fired, but I have no regret about dating her. She is worth it._ Tears filled his eyes as he offered a prayer to a God he wasn't sure existed for her safe return.

E!

After hearing Chet over the radio John and Roy traveled to the fourth floor via the smoke-filled fire escape on the south side. Chet was barely visible at the opposite end trying frantically to remove the debris by hand. Roy ran through the smokey hallway. He placed his hand on Chet's shoulder.

"Chet are you hurt?"

Chet shrugged him off and continued digging.

"No man. I mean my shoulder hurts like a bitch, but Jess man she saved my life. After all I've done to her she still saved my life. Man I've got to find her!"

Roy pulled him away from the collapsed stairwell. He quickly checked him over and noticed his right shoulder was lower than the left.

"Come on your shoulder is probably dislocated. There is nothing you can do like that. Let John find her. Cap is on his way to help. Come on!"

Chet reluctantly agreed and allowed Roy to help him out. He turned and stared at John though the smoke.

"You find her man!"

They passed their Captain on the stairs surprised that Stoker was not with him. Roy held out his hand stopping him.

"Cap where's Mike? He should be here."

Cap placed a heavy hand on Roy's back as he continued up the darkened stairwell.

"He can't Pal, conflict of interest."

Roy stood confused on the stairs. _Conflict of interest?_

E!

Jess tried hard to focus on anything around her. Thick black smoke filled the small space that held her making sight impossible. She focused on the sounds around her. Nothing was heard except the hiss of precious air escaping from her face mask. Her body ached as she felt around her surroundings with her right hand. Her hand ran across a thick beam; She traced its outline from her left shoulder to below her left hip. She tried to sit upright and move it off of her. Intense pain radiated across her whole body taking her breath away. Her breathing became erratic as she felt her chest pop and her vision faded to black.

E!

"Cap her air is real low if it hasn't run out already."

John threw a chunk of concrete away from him. He placed the porta-power underneath a section of steel beam that protruded from the wreckage. Removal of the debris was slow and arduous. He wiped the sweat from his face on his arm.

"I know John just keep digging. The other company has the fire out they will be up to assist soon." Cap replied as he pumped the lever of the porta-power. _I just hope we aren't too late. God help her hang on._ John held up his hand giving the signal to stop.

"Ok Cap it's ready to move; give me a hand."

Together Captain Stanley and John moved the four-foot section of steel and set it in the hallway. John returned to the growing hole. It looked the same as when they started. Concrete and steel wound its way around the depths. He shook his head in frustration. _If I fail to bring her back Mike will never forgive me._ He slammed his fist against the wall in anger. Cap placed a gently hand on his shoulder. His heart was heavy too.

"John, we will find her. She is ok. I know Jess; she's tough. We can't allow our emotions to affect us now. Trust me there will be plenty of time for that. Right now we have to find her; time is running short."

John nodded and began to remove concrete from the abyss. Roy returned with a backboard and trauma box placing them in the hallway. He motioned to the firefighter behind him.

"Place the bio-com and drug box here. Come on."

Roy and the man from station 110 joined the frantic effort to free Jess from the building's tight grasp. The team hauled massive amounts of chipped concrete and drywall from the stairwell. They were over halfway through.

E!

Outside Mike sat on the side of the Ward. He stared intently at the building before him. He only moved to turn off the pump when the demand exceeded the pump's capacity causing cavitation. He figured it would only add to Cap's wrath if he let the pump burn up due to negligence. He watched as his fellow firefighters worked diligently to extinguish the last of the fire. _I wonder how they are doing with Jess's recovery. STOP, not recovery. She's alive not dead; it's a rescue operation._

He barely acknowledged Roy when he brought Chet out. Chet was frantic as Roy placed him on a blanket. He kept looking toward the north end of the building. Several times Roy had to hold him down as he administered treatment.

"Roy, man, I've got to get back in there. She saved my life; I can't just leave her!"

Roy forced him to the ground for the fifth time.

"Chet! Let the rescue team handle it. You've got to get to Rampart to get this shoulder set."

Chet reluctantly gave in and allowed Roy to place him in the waiting ambulance. After Chet left Roy informed Rampart of Jesse's entrapment. Mike offered another prayer as Roy headed back inside.

E!

"Cap! I see her! We can't reach her from here; we need to go to the third floor."

John quickly climbed the ladder and sprinted down the hallway to the south stairwell. Roy and Cap grabbed the medical gear and followed him. John pulled frantically at the closed metal door on the third floor searching for anything that would help. A fireman from 36's handed him a haligan.

"Here John. I hope she's ok."

John pried the door open coughing as smoke and dust flew out of it. Cap looked in the narrow space that held his lineman. Jesse lay crushed between a five to six foot section of steel beam and the wall. _It doesn't look good._

"What do you need, Pal?" Cap asked worried the rescue turned into recovery.

John fell to his stomach and navigated around the beam and in the small space next to her. Her air alarm was sounding loudly signaling she was out of fresh air. He gently pulled her mask off and checked for a pulse. He gave a sigh of relief as he felt the faint flutter in her neck.

"Cap she's alive. She's trapped underneath this beam. I can probably use the porta-power to raise it up enough to pull her out. Roy have the backboard ready. Her breathing in shallow and labored; we have to move fast."

E!

Mike's heart skipped a beat when he saw them bring her out. Because John was giving her rescue breaths they moved slowly. Captain Stanley approached him worry covering his face. Mike rose to meet him.

"Cap is..is..is she..."

Cap held up his hand stopping him.

"She's alive. Let John and Roy do their job. We will meet them at Rampart, but first we need to clean up this mess."

Mike nodded and followed him to gather the hose. His stomach churned and his heart ached when he saw her lying on a familiar bright yellow blanket. Roy carefully removed most of her clothing and examined her injuries. Her small body was covered in blood, soot, and bruises. John continued to administer oxygen via forced ventilation. Tears filled his eyes as he turned away.

John stopped Cap as he passed.

"Cap, we need some blankets to give her some privacy and the hare splint."

He nodded with his head hung low. He hated the feeling he got when one of his crew was injured.

"How bad is she?"

John shook his head as he activated the forced ventilation.

"I'm not a doctor, but I'd say it's not good. So far Roy has found a fractured femur, broken ribs and a probable punctured lung."

E!

Captain Stanley, Roy and John waited in the emergency wing of Rampart. Mike paced up and down the hallway. Cap knew he had to deal with Mike's involvement with Jesse, but now seemed inappropriate. Dr. Brackett exited treatment four and approached the remaining crew members.

"Doc, how are they?" John asked.

Brackett gave a long sigh as he studied the clip board.

"Chet has a dislocated shoulder; he should be able to return in a few days. Does Jesse have any next of kin? I need permission to take her to surgery."

Cap raised his tall frame from the small waiting room chair. He ran a hand across his soot covered face.

"No, sir she doesn't. I am listed as her medical proxy on department records."

Brackett sighed and motioned for Cap to go with him to treatment four.

Cap's heart sank as he saw her lying on the stretcher. She was still unconscious with a respirator breathing for her. Multiple bandages covered various wounds across her body. Heavy bruising covered the side of her face and upper body.

"Uh, Captain Stanley if I could draw your attention to the x-rays."

Brackett slammed the x-ray films in the lighted holder. Cap gasped at what he saw.

"Uh, Doc could you explain what I'm looking at? I'm not good with this medical stuff."

Brackett pointed at the first set.

"Here we have her chest. She has four broken ribs. Two of the ribs were forced in causing a pneumothorax or a punctured lung. We have inserted a chest tube to reduce that."

He pulled the chest x-ray and slammed in another set.

"This is her left hip and femur. As you can see her hip is dislocated by a fracture near the ball section of the hip-joint. In order to repair it we will place a plate and set of screws to stabilize the joint and place it back in the socket."

He moved to the third set of films.

"Over here is her femur or thigh bone as some call it. It is fractured in two places turning the single bone into three. To repair this a metal rod is inserted through the bone to essentially make it one again."

Cap rubbed his face and studied the films. His face filled with concern and worry for his lineman.

"So, uh, Doc will she be able to return to duty?"

Brackett shook his head as he pulled the films from the light box.

"No I'm afraid she wouldn't pass the physical fitness exam. The damage done is just too great. She will be lucky if she only has a limp."

Cap placed his hands on his hips and stared at the floor. Air forcefully left his lungs.

"Do what you have to Doc. We have to head back to the station to return the rigs, but we will be back as soon as we are relieved." _Not to mention I have to call McConikee to help deal with Stoker._

Brackett handed him the consent form.

"Great we will take her up to orthopedics immediately."


	18. Chapter 18

Ch. 18

Mike slowly backed the engine in the bay next to the squad. He was not looking forward to the conversation he was about to have with Captain Stanley. Cap had been unusually quiet on the trip back to the station. He kept looking out the passenger window as he ran his hand through his black hair. Mike disembarked the engine taking his jacket and helmet with him. He ran his hand carefully across the window sill of the engine. He was going to miss driving the rig. He gently patted the door as he hung his head. Cap paused on his way to the office glancing at his engineer.

"Stoker, in my office now!"

Mike hung his head as he entered the office and closed the door. He tried to decide on what to say the trip back, but his mind only thought of Jesse. He took a seat in the chair beside the extra desk and placed his elbows on his knees. Holding his hands together he stared at the floor trying desperately to keep the tears inside. Cap sat on the edge of his desk. On the trip back he reconsidered calling the chief. This was something that needed handleing in-house especially since Jess would not be returning. Mike inhaled deeply.

"So when is Chief going to be here?"

Cap ran his hand through his hair as he took a deep breath.

"He's not coming. I spoke hastily on scene; your sudden out bust caught me off guard. This is something we can deal with here."

Mike was glad to hear that. Dealing with McConikee wasn't something he wanted to do. He turned uncomfortably in his chair. He had to know how Jess was doing.

"How bad is she, Cap?"

Cap shifted his positioning on the desk. Mike did have a right to know; everyone else knew.

"Well, it's bad. Her leg requires extensive surgery to repair it and she has a punctured lung. That doesn't include any internal bruising. She is in surgery as we speak. Dr. Brackett is hopeful about her outcome."

Mike sat upright facing him, sadness and worry covered his tired face.

"She's not coming back here, is she?"

Cap shook his head sadly.

"No Mike her career in the fire service is over. Her leg is too badly damaged. Brackett says she will be lucky if she only has a limp."

Mike nodded slowly. He knew how much this would hurt her when she found out. Jess loved firefighting; it was her passion. Captain Stanley stood and looked out the window. He placed his hands on his hips as he turned to face Mike.

"Mike, you disobeyed the no dating order I gave when she started here. I would have expected it from Gage or Kelly, but you? What were you thinking? Michael you're second in command; did you not stop and think about the ramifications of pursuing a relationship?"

Mike turned his gaze to the floor. The truth was he wasn't thinking when he asked Jess to be his. Hell _she_ even asked him why and he still pursued it.

"Captain Stanley, I'm sorry. I don't know what you want me to say. Yes I'm dating her. It started out as friends, but when I got to know her, the real her, I fell in love."

Cap forcefully blew his last breath out. He didn't want to ask, but he knew he had to.

"Stoker, did you do anything with her here?"

Mike squirmed. He didn't like Cap prying in his personal life. He knew that Cap was asking to decide his punishment. He knew he just lost his job. His rubbed his hair wrinkling his nose when soot fell out of it.

"Cap, if you're talking about sex then no. Jess and I have never did that at the station. I have on occasion given her a hug, one time I grabbed her ass when she was cooking and during movies I've held her hand. Yeah there were a few times I checked her out, if you know what I mean. But no sir, I haven't done anything sexual with her here."

He was surprised by Mike's honesty. Gage or Kelley wouldn't have said anything about hugs or hand holding, but Mike was confessing everything. He returned to his chair and leaned back. Picking up a pen he tapped it on the desk.

"Mike, it's a hell of a decision I have to make. I don't want to lose you as my engineer. I've enjoyed working with you. I can trust you to take command when needed. The guys respect you, but I can't ignore the fact you disobeyed a direct order. What kind of example would that set, if I just let this slide?"

Mike rose from his chair.

"I'll remove my things from my locker, sir. It's been a pleasure working with you."

Cap stood as he held up his hand.

"Hang on, Mike. You still have a job here, but you are on disciplinary leave for two weeks without pay. There will also be a write-up in your file; this is only because Jesse is not returning to duty. If she were it would be a different story."

Mike breathed a sigh of relief. Losing his job would not be good now; not with the care Jess would need.

"Thank you Cap, for letting me stay. I am sorry."

Cap stacked the files on his desk and placed them in a drawer locking in. He didn't want Captain Hookraider snooping through his staff files. This needed to stay between A-shift. He gathered his jacket and started toward the door.

"Can I ask you something, Mike?"

"Yeah Cap anything."

"Do you love her? I mean really love her, not what these kids refer to as love. I'm talking about the kind that makes a man stay with a woman regardless of anything that may happen. Jess will need all the support you can give her. She has a long hard road ahead; recovery will not be easy. Just remember you don't have to carry that burden alone; we are all here for you."

Mike's eyes filled with tears as he nodded. He knew that Jess would need him now more than ever and he was glad that he could depend on his brothers at the station.

"Yeah, Cap, I love her. I've seen her at her worst and at her best. Nothing will change the way I feel about her and I will give her all the support and encouragement I can. Permission to be excused so I can get cleaned up."

Cap placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, Pal, go ahead. We are all meeting back at Rampart. See you there."

E!

The four remaining crewmen gathered at Dixie's desk waiting for her to return from assisting Brackett in treatment three. She approached studying the notes in her metal clipboard running into Roy in the process.

"Well! What can I do for you gentlemen?"

John leaned over the counter searching for Jesse's file.

"Dix is Jess out of surgery yet?"

She shook her head as she placed the clipboard in the rack on her desk. She slapped John's hand causing him to pull it away quickly. He gave her a smart look.

"No sorry she's still up there. Dr. Nelson had some complications, but Chet is settled in his room if you'd like to see him. He's upset about Jess and could use some support. You'll find him in room 232."

As the men headed to the elevator John stayed behind continuing to lean on the counter.

"Hey Dix?"

She made some more notes on the file she'd brought with her from treatment three.

"Yeah Johnny, what's up?"

He tapped nervously on the top of the counter.

"Could you not tell Mike I almost lost her in the ambulance? He's upset enough as it is; that will push him over the brink. What complications did Dr. Nelson have?"

She moved the clipboard away from her.

"John, I wasn't planning on telling any of the crew about that. They have enough to worry about. As far as the complications, Dr. Nelson had to call in a vascular surgeon. The compound fracture in her femur caused some arterial damage that was made worse when the rod was being put in place. Don't worry she has the best vascular surgeon in the county working on her."

John pushed off the counter and placed his hands on his hips. He blew his last breath forcefully out.

"Thanks Dix."

Cap herded his men to the elevator. No one spoke on the ride up. Mike's mind raced as he pondered what complications could have risen. John absently mindedly picked at his fingernails and Roy leaned against the wall with his ankles crossed and eyes closed. Cap was the first off when the elevator stopped on the second floor.

"Ok, room 232."

John walked past him quickly.

"It's up here on the right, Cap."

They stopped at the door to the room. Chet was highly agitated as he yelled at the nurse.

"I'm telling ya I'm not doing anything till I know she is ok. I don't expect you to understand, babe!"

"MR. KELLEY! I will not tolerate any insubordination from you!"

John chuckled as he heard the familiar phrase. He leaned against the wall and wiped his nose with a single finger.

"Sounds like Chet got Helga. Man she was a pain when I was here after getting hit by that car. We might as well wait out here; she's not going to let us in!"

Roy laughed.

"Yeah it's almost 11:00 time for lunch then his bath!"

Helga opened the door and almost ran into Mike. She gave them all a stern look.

"I assume you are here to see Mr. Kelly. You have ten minutes. It's almost chow time."

The crew filed in the small hospital room. Chet's arm and shoulder were immobilized with a large elastic bandage. He adjusted the bed so it was a little more upright.

"Guys please tell me you know something about Jess. I can't get anything out of anyone."

Cap stepped toward the bed and ran a hand across his face.

"Chet, she's banged up pretty bad. She's upstairs in surgery to reconstruct her leg."

Chet shifted anxiously on the bed.

"She's going to be ok right Cap? I mean she will be back with us in no time. Jess is tough."

The guys stared at the floor shifting uncomfortably. Cap shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Chet. She won't be returning to the station."

Chet ran his and through his hair looking at each of his crew mates in bewilderment.

"Wow! That bad. Figures right when we were starting to get along."

The door creaked open as Dixie entered. The guys shifted to make room for her. She placed her hands behind her back as she addressed the men.

"Jesse is out of surgery; they are getting her settled in ICU. Dr. Nelson is hopeful about recovery; however her mobility will more than likely be impaired. There was significant ligament and muscular damage. Only time will tell how severe her impairment will be. Let's give them about thirty minutes to get her settled then you can visit her one at a time. You won't be able to stay long."

The men nodded. Captain Stanley held up his hand.

"Dixie, can I speak with you outside for a minute?"

She nodded as she held open the door. Cap placed his hand on Mike's shoulder.

"Come on, Pal, this involves you. The rest of you stay and visit with Chet till Helga kicks you out."

The trio moved to the nurses' station down the hall.

"So Captain Stanley what can I do for you?"

"Well Dix, I was wondering if Stoker here would be able to stay with her. He's the closest thing to family she has. Also anything else that requires consent ask him; I'm turning over medical proxy to him."

Dixie nodded slowly.

"Shouldn't be a problem. I'll go upstairs and make the necessary notations on her chart."

She placed her hand gently on Mike's shoulder.

"Don't worry she will be ok. It will just take time and a lot of support. I have a feeling she will have plenty of that from you and the guys."

E!

On the third floor the guys waited anxiously for the nurse to let them in. Mike paced around the nurses' station unsure if he really wanted to go in. Chet sat next to the curtain door that separated them from Jess in a wheelchair. He was glad that Helga was on lunch break. The nurse stopped quickly at the sight of five men waiting in her ICU. She placed her hands on her hips as she gave each of them an angry look.

"Only one person at a time, you each have two minutes and that's it. Please be quiet."

"Ok Roy you're first, then John, Chet and I will go. Mike since you're staying your last, Pal."

Mike stood outside waiting for the guys to finish their well wishes. He was a nervous wreck; he wasn't sure if he could handle seeing Jess like that. The nurse tapped loudly on the counter next to him.

"So you're next of kin?"

He nodded. "Yes ma'am. I'm Mike."

She came from around the counter and stood next to him.

"Mike, I'm Ashley her day nurse. I have to warn you there's lots of bruising around the side of her face and across her body. She is on a respirator to help ease the burden on her lungs while they heal. Not only does she have a punctured lung but she breathed in a lot of smoke. Don't worry she is not in any pain. Dr. Nelson wants to keep her sedated for at least a couple of days to give her body time to heal. I'll be in and out to check on her and change the bandages. Dr. Nelson will be by later this afternoon to go over the surgery and recovery program with you. If there's anything you need just ask. Oh, the chair does recline if you wanted to sleep."

He nodded. It was a lot to take in. Ashley noticed he was uncomfortable and placed her hand on his arm.

"I know it's a lot to take in. The main thing you need to do is let her know you are there; we will take care of the rest."

Mike headed to the curtain as Cap was coming out. Cap placed his arm around Mike's shoulders.

"Call if you need anything. I'll be in touch."

E!

Mike carefully entered Jesse's room pulling the curtain closed behind him. Tears formed in his eyes as he saw her laying there hooked up to several IV's, a heart monitor and the respirator. The nurse told him about her bruises just not how bad they were. Deep black and purple ran down the left side of her face and under the thin gown that covered her. Her injured leg lay heavily bandaged outside the blankets. He pulled the chair closer to her bed. As he sat he looked at the heart monitor. Her pulse seemed high at 105. He gently moved the hair from her face and caressed her cheek.

"Jesse, baby, I'm here. It's ok. Chet is fine; just a dislocated shoulder."

He leaned closer to her and gave her a gentle kiss on her forehead. The beeping of the monitor slowed as he took her hand.

Around one Dr. Nelson entered the room clipboard in hand. He held out his hand to Mike.

"I take it your Mike. I'm Dr. Nelson the orthopedist. If you could come with me to my office I want to go over Jesse's surgery and proposed recovery plan with you."

Mike hesitated. He didn't want to leave her. Dr. Nelson sensed his hesitancy.

"She will be ok; Ashley needs to change her dressings and give her medication."

Mike reluctantly followed the doctor to his office and took a seat. Dr. Nelson slid some x-rays in the light box. Mike gasped at what he saw and his stomach turned. Her leg was in multiple pieces each piece was at an odd angle.

"Here is her leg before surgery. As you can see the femur fractured in two places. Here five inches above the knee and here midway. The larger of the two bones is seen here protruding out of the skin. Her hip was dislocated due to a fracture here where the top of the femur angles in to meet the socket known as a intracapsular fracture."

He pulled the x-rays and inserted a new set.

"Here is the post-op. To repair the intracapsular fracture I inserted a single compression screw. To repair the compound fracture of the femur I used an intermedullary nail…"

Mike stood and held up his hands in frustration.

"Doc you're telling me a lot of medical mumbo-jumbo. I don't understand half of what you're saying. All I need to know is whether Jesse is going to get better and what I need to do to get her there! So cut out this medical dictionary bull shit! I'm a firefighter not a damn doctor!"

Dr. Nelson turned off the light box and motioned for Mike to sit back down.

"I understand your frustration. It is a lot of information. In a nut shell it will take anywhere from six to eight months for her to heal. She will need extensive physical therapy to get back on her feet. There are some complications that may arise now or later. Basically she has a long painful road ahead of her."

Mike ran a hand through his hair as he sighed loudly.

"But she will be able to walk."

"Yes at best with a cane but more than likely crutches. The kind of injury she sustained has affected blood flow through her hip and femur that will cause painful arthritis as she get older. Only time will tell. I plan to keep her sedated for a couple of days to give her lungs time to heal. After that if she is doing well I will gradually reduce the amount of sedative to ease her back. Like I said she will be in a lot of pain especially during the first stages of physical therapy."

Mike walked slowly back to Jesse's room overwhelmed. Jesse's road ahead was going to be extremely rough for both of them.


	19. Chapter 19

Ch. 19

Mike hesitantly picked up the pay phone in the hospital lobby. He wasn't sure if he wanted to call the Weavers. Jesse only called them one time to thank them for the box at Christmas; that was eight months ago. She still didn't feel comfortable talking with them, even though they told her many times they didn't blame her for Brandon's death. Blowing his last breath out forcefully he dialed the number. A frail voice answered. Mike cringed he hoped that Mrs. Weaver would answer. Mr. Weaver was fighting cancer and the news would upset him more than necessary.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Weaver, this is Mike Stoker. I work with Jesse at the station."

"Mr. Stoker, if I am hearing from you then something has happened to Jess. Is…is…she…"

Mike shifted from one leg to the other.

"Sir, Jesse was severely injured in a collapse at an apartment fire. She's stable and in ICU here at Rampart."

Mike heard Mr. Weaver yell for his wife as he began to sob uncontrollably. He heard them talking but was unable to make anything out.

"Mike, it's Linda. Phil tells me Jesse was in an accident. Is she all right?"

"Mrs. Weaver she's stable in ICU. From what the doctors told me, her leg had to be surgically repaired and she has a punctured lung. They say she will recover, but her career as a firefighter is finished. I'm sorry."

"Oh, Lord. Mike I wish we could be there, but Phil's chemo makes it impossible for us to travel. We will keep her in prayer. Please keep us updated and Michael take care of her for us."

Mike leaned against the wall on his arm.

"Yes ma'am I will. I'll call when there is a change in her condition and I am sorry to be calling with bad news."

"At least she's alive and has someone to take care of her."

Mike hung the phone back on the receiver. _Now I understand why Cap hates calling family._

E!

Ashley entered the room to check on her patient before heading home. Mike lay leaned over in the recliner asleep. She checked the IV and the settings of the respirator. After obtaining a new set on vitals she pulled an extra blanket from the closet and covered Mike. _She's one lucky girl to have someone to sit with her. I wish more patients had that._

E!

Around two am Mike woke to the sound of the heart monitor beeping rapidly. Throwing off the blanket he quickly got out of the chair and stood by the bed. His heart raced as he stared at the monitor; Jesse was in v-fib. He's seen it many times as he assisted John and Roy with cardiac cases. His pulse rang in his ears as he reached out for her.

"No, no baby! God no!"

He felt gentle hands pulling him back from the bed.

"Mr. Stoker, please move so the team can work. Come on let's get a cup of coffee."

Mike pulled free and headed back.

"No! No, I don't want coffee. I can't leave Jesse!"

He struggled as he was pulled back again; this time by an orderly. Mike struggled against him. His own heart seemed to stop as he watched her being defibrillated. Her body arched upright then fell to the bed. The doctor watched the EKG and shook his head.

"No conversion! Hit her again!"

Mike felt his heart raced wildly as he pulled harder against the hands that were holding him. He screamed when he saw her body arch again in response to the defibrillator. Again the doctor shook his head.

"Continue CPR and give me 50 mg of sodium bicarb IV push."

Mike watched as the nurse injected the syringe of white liquid in Jess's IV port. _Please God, please don't take her from me._ He turned away as he heard the unit discharge again. The nurse placed her arm around him and guided him out of the room as the doctor requested one ampoule of one to ten thousand epinephrine. He sank to the floor outside her room. He pulled his knees up to his chest and laid his arms across them. Tears filled his eyes as he heard the defibrillator discharge again. _God please I don't want to lose her. Let me keep her, please._ He closed his eyes as he continued to bargain with God. He jumped when he heard the doctor's voice above him.

"Mr. Stoker?"

He stood and faced the doctor who was placing his stethoscope in his jacket pocket.

"Please call me Mike. Doctor is she…?"

"Mike, we were able to bring her back…"

Mike sank to the chair in relief. His body suddenly felt very tired. He leaned forward and took some deep breaths.

"What happened? I mean she was fine earlier."

"To be honest I'm not sure what caused her to go in cardiac arrest. It does say in her chart that the paramedic who brought her in had to defibrillate twice in route; it may have something to do with the injury to her lungs."

Mike was floored; John said nothing about almost losing her in route. _Why didn't he say something?_

"So what do we do now?"

The doctor opened the chart and made some notes.

"Well, we will watch her closely for any cardiac and or respiratory distress. Unfortunately she will have to stay on the respirator longer than originally planned; I don't think she can handle healing her lungs without it. That may lead to pneumonia later; we will cross that bridge when we get there. In the morning we will do an echo cardiogram to check her heart for damage and a pulmonary angiogram to check for pulmonary embolism. You are the next of kin?"

Mike nodded slowly as he processed the information. He didn't know what an embolism was, but was afraid to ask the doctor. _I'll call John in the morning and ask him._

"Ok, I need your signature on these. We will take her to radiology first thing in the morning. I suggest you go home and get some rest."

Mike shook his head as he headed back to her room.

"No, sir, I'm staying with her."

E!

"Mike you need to go home and get some rest! Not to mention take a shower and shave. You've been here for four days straight."

John paced the small room staring at Mike sitting in the recliner. He studied the man as he went from one corner to the other. Mike was in rough shape; he hadn't slept since Jess's incident the first night. His red rimmed eyes followed John.

"John I can't leave her alone…"

John pointed two fingers toward him.

"Mike, she is not alone! I will stay here, all day if you want. YOU need sleep. I'll call if anything happens; I give you my word. Now please go home, take a shower, eat, and sleep."

Mike stood; uncertainty filled his worried face. The tests showed signs of pulmonary embolism and she was now on anticoagulants to dissolve and prevent future occurrences. Unfortunately these drugs could slow the healing process and makes Jesse's recovery longer. He trusted John, but he didn't want to leave her. He was afraid of what might happen if he weren't here. John was right; he felt exhausted.

"Ok, fine I'll go home, but John promise me you will call if anything changes."

John placed his arm around Mike's shoulder.

"You have my word."

E!

John spent the morning filling Jess in on the happenings around the station. He felt odd talking to someone who was unconscious, though the nurse told him that she could hear him. He talked about her replacement, how he was fresh out of the academy and was driving Cap up the wall. Chet made him his new pigeon though if she wanted to come visit he would be more than happy to prank her. He scooted the chair closer to her and whispered.

"Jess, I'm not sure if you can really hear me, but if you can please wake up. Mike is a wreck out here. He really needs you back."

He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. Ashley entered sometime later surprised to find someone new sitting with her. _He must be her brother._ She changed Jesse's dressings making note of a possible infection setting in and obtained new vitals for her chart. She left to consult the doctor about the infection setting in. She returned thirty minutes later and added an antibiotic to the group of IV bags.

As John slept he heard faintly in the distance the sound of a ventilator rapidly beeping. He slowly opened his eyes thinking he fell asleep at home. As the sound intensified he remembered he was in ICU with Jess. He leaned forward seeing her fighting the respirator both in breathing and physically. He gently placed his hands on her shoulders recalling how terrifying waking up on a vent can be.

"Jess! Jesse, it's Johnny. You're ok, sweetheart stop fighting the vent. Open your eyes; come on look at me."

She continued to struggle against him and the machine for a few moments. Her mind was extremely foggy. She thought she recognized the voice talking to her, but she wasn't sure. John continued to coax her to open her eyes telling her she was safe. _I'm glad Mike's at home; he'd be bouncing off the walls._

Jess slowly opened her eyes as she continued to breathe against the respirator. Her eyes locked with John's and she began to relax.

"Hey there you are! Jess, slow your breathing; sweetheart let the vent do it for you. I know you're scared; trust me I've been there. You are ok."

Dr. Nelson appeared at John's side.

"What happened?"

John stood upright and wiped a single finger across his nose.

"Well Doc, Jess decided to join us. She was a little scared at first, waking up on the vent and all, but she's ok now. Right Jess?"

She nodded as she pointed to the vent tube and made a sign that she wanted it out. John smiled and shook his head.

"That's up to the Doc, sweetheart. Welcome back!"

Dr. Nelson listened to her breath sounds and nodded.

"Well since you have breath sounds on both sides and you are trying to take some breaths on your own, I don't see a problem with taking it out. It will be at least an hour before anyone from respiratory can get up here. So relax and don't fight it too much."

John turned to leave causing Jess to panic. She didn't want to be alone. He turned back to her.

"Jess it's ok. I'm going to call Mike; he needs to be here when they extubate."

She shook her head. John placed his hands on his hips and looked at her confused.

"You don't want him here?! Jess he loves you; he needs to be here. You do realize I had to kick him out this morning because he hadn't left your side in four days."

Jess shook her head again and made a sign that she wanted to write. He searched the room. Finding a pencil and a small scrap of paper he handed them to her. She struggled to write then handed it back to him. John struggled to read what she'd written.

_I know. he need sleep and shower. I be ok. You stay?_

John laughed as he returned to his chair.

"Yeah I'll stay and you're right about the shower."

E!

Two hours later they heard a knock on the door as a nurse entered. She gave Jess a big smile as she moved her cart to the side of the bed.

"Well Jesse, I'm glad you decided to return to us. You had us worried for a while. I'm Janice, your respiratory therapist. I understand you are ready to get that tube out."

Jess nodded slowly feeling afraid. She never experienced extubation before but heard it was painful. John noticed her pulse increased and leaned toward her.

"I know what you're thinking and yeah it does hurt. It will be quick as long as you do everything Janice tells you. I'm right here, not going anywhere."

Janice placed a soft hand on Jess's shoulder as she unhooked the ventilator.

"Ok Jess, I'm getting ready to pull the tube. I understand you have some broken ribs but as I'm pulling it out I need you to cough. It will help it come out quicker. John's right it will hurt, but after I'm done Ashley will be in with some pain meds. Are you ready?"

Jess nodded as she held her ribs tightly with her left arm. As Janice pulled the tube Jesse coughed. Pain flashed over her body taking her breath away. She felt John's hands gently on her face.

"Jess, breathe. Sweetheart you need to breathe. Come on. Look at me, take a breath the worst is over."

Jess continued to hold her ribs as her terrified eyes met his. She inhaled slowly.

"Ok let it out. You can do it."

She exhaled slowly and winced as she took a few more. John released her and teased her hair.

"You ok? I told you Mike needed to be here. He's better at comforting you than I am. Now can I go call him? He's going to be pissed enough as it is."

She inhaled slowly as she spoke.

"Yeah….I'm…ok. No…he needs…to rest. Call him a…a…after dinner." Her voice sounded hoarse. Jess closed her eyes attempting to quell the pain that ravaged her body. John nodded to Ashley who held a syringe of MS. She injected it in the IV port and waited for Jess to relax before leaving. John waited for her to fall in a drug induced slumber before leaning over and whispering.

"Sorry Jess, I'm calling him now."

E!

Mike turned over roughly pulling the covers over his head, attempting to drown out the sound of the phone. His eyes flew open as he remembered the last four days. He ran to the living room and answered it.

"S…Stoker here."

"Mike it's Johnny…"

Mike fell to the sofa his heart racing. He ran his hand through his hair.

"What happened? Is she ok?"

"Yeah she's ok. She's awake or was till they removed the tube and had to sedate her again."

Mike sighed. Jess was awake and off the vent.

"John…does…she know…you know…about her injuries?"

Silence filled the line as John ran through the extubation ordeal.

"Uh, just about the ribs. She wasn't allowed to stay awake long enough for them to tell her about the rest. Besides you need to be here for that. I'm not good at providing comfort in that aspect. I don't think you'd approve of me hugging on your girl in that way."

Mike chuckled. "Nope keep your hands off. Give me an hour and I'll be back up there. I need to take another shower and swing by Jesse's to pick up some things."

He hung up the phone thankful that she was breathing on her own. _Now I have to keep her motivated after she finds out that firefighting is no longer an option. I can't let her give up._


	20. Chapter 20

Ch. 20

"Jesse, baby you're not even trying."

Jess sat in the wheelchair staring at the floor. She had shut him out again; she was back to the Jess he'd first met. She wouldn't talk, but more importantly she wouldn't eat. Mike was at a loss. It was going on two weeks since she'd spoke and almost a week since she'd eaten. Dr. Nelson discussed IV feeding if she didn't start eating on her own today.

Before her first therapy session two months ago she agreed to do anything it took to get back on her feet with as little assistance as possible. At first Jess gave everything she had; however progress was extremely slow between pneumonia and a recurring infection in her leg. Placing any weight on her leg was extremely painful, but after a week she managed to stand between the parallel bars using them for support. A few days later she could take a few steps assisted by her therapist and a gait belt before needing a break. Things were going well until she fell. He recalled the day that set her so far back.

The day started out like any other Mike stopped by on his way to the station to bring her some breakfast and visit. Around 7:30 her therapist, Cody, came to take her up to therapy and Mike left for work. It was around ten and he just returned from a run when the phone rang. Cap answered it in his office as usual fearing it was McConnikee. He had just sat down with a cup of coffee and the latest issue of Engineering Today when Cap leaned in the room and told him he had a phone call.

He answered expecting to hear her talk excitedly about what she accomplished that session. When Cody told him what happened his blood pressure rose and he hit the wall aggressively. He was angry that Cody was so negligent. Apparently Jess told Cody she didn't need his help and wanted to walk by herself unassisted, no crutches, no gait belt, and outside the parallel bars. He let her, the idiot let her and of course she fell. Thankfully she only bruised her hip, but the incident set her back mentally. She was afraid to walk at all and she shut down. Mike spoke with Cody's supervisor and demanded a new therapist.

So here they were back at square one, but now she wasn't even trying. At the therapist's request he assisted on days he didn't have to work. Maria thought if he were more involved in her recovery she may take a turn for the best. Mike worked hard trying to coax her out of the chair, but she'd just sit locked within herself. Mike gently took her face in his hands. To be honest he was tired of coaxing. He knew what she was trying to do and it wasn't going to work. _She has to decide to get better; I can't force her to do anything anymore than she can force me to leave. _

"Baby, please look at me. I know you're scared, but honey don't shut down on me. Please don't go back to the way you were when we first met. If you're trying to get me to leave you it's not going to happen. Jesse I love you and I'm not going anywhere. I am however done with begging you to take part in therapy. It's your decision; if you want to be in that chair for the rest of your life then I'll call the guys and we will modify the house to accommodate it. I do believe that deep down inside you want out of it."

Jess looked at the floor confused. _'Modify the house'? I'm going home to my apartment._ She turned her gaze to him. Mike smiled inwardly as her blue eyes met his. Her eyes always took his breath away; they were a beautiful contrast to her honey skin.

"What do you mean modify the house? Michael, I'm going home to my apartment. I have said nothing otherwise."

Mike shifted his weight to his other knee and smiled. He'd gotten her to talk. _It's a start; now don't lose her._ He placed his hand on her knee.

"Well, I thought since getting up and down those stairs wouldn't be an option now, you would move in with me. I mean you practically lived there before the accident, now we'll make it official. The crew is helping me make some minor changes to help you. We've added an assist-bar to the bath tub and a few other things that are surprises."

She played with the frayed edge of the armrest. He was right; she spent almost every night they were off at his house. Uncertainty filled her; moving in was a big step in their relationship. She wasn't sure if she was ready. She placed her hands in her lap and quietly spoke.

"You and the guys did that for me? Why?"

He placed his hands on the armrests as he leaned closer.

"Because I love you and the guys care. I was serious when I said I wasn't going anywhere. Will you at least try to do your therapy and eat? Just take it one step at a time. First we'll work on standing, and we will go from there. I'll be here as much as I can, but you have to promise me you'll work just as hard when I'm not."

Jess sat quietly for a few moments. She really did want to have her mobility back. She leaned forward and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"Ok. I'll try."

E!

It took two weeks to get her comfortable standing with the help of the bars. Now he was working with her on walking with the gait belt. The pair stood between the parallel bars, Jesse in front and Mike behind her holding the belt; Jess had a death grip on the bars and refused to let go.

"Jess, take one step, that's all I'm asking for is one step."

She shook her head as she gripped the bars harder. Fear filled her as she remembered the last time she tried to walk. She began to tremble.

"I will fall…"

He gently pulled up on the belt and gave a quiet sigh.

"Baby, I won't let you fall, I promise. I'm right here behind you. Maria is in front of you, between the two of us I promise you won't fall. Please Jess take one step."

Jess relaxed her grip on the bars as tears filled her eyes. Her voice broke.

"You…you promise I…I w…won't…fall?"

He leaned down and whispered in her ear.

"Have I ever broken a promise to you? Trust me; I know you can do this. You want to go back to the tree farm this year, right? Uncle Mark has fixed the cabin. We can sleep by the fireplace and keep each other warm, but you have to walk up there."

Jess slowly nodded. She wanted to go back, walk among the firs and sit beside the lake. Most of all she wanted out of the hospital and at home where he could hold her.

He pulled the belt up again.

"Ok then take a step and show me. Prove it; because now I'm not seeing it. I don't think you really want to go and walk up the path to the lake."

Maria gave him a stern look from the opposite end of the bars.

"Mike I don't think that's the kind…"

She paused as Jess took a shaky and uncertain first step. "…of motivation she needs." As Jess placed her weight on her left leg she winced. When she felt it start to give way she let go of the bars preparing to catch herself. Mike tightened his grip and pulled up on the belt to keep her from falling.

"That's better, but you need to keep hold of the bars. Take another one, come on! I'm still not feeling it! Do you want it or not?!"

Maria shook her head in disbelief as Jess slowly limped her way the length of the parallel bars and back. Maria helped her in the wheelchair that was waiting.

"I don't believe it. Mike I've coaxed her for days to take a single step and you waltz in and have her walking in thirty minutes. Are you sure you're in the right line of work?"

Mike smiled as he placed his hand on Jesse's shoulder.

"You just have to know how to motivate her, and yes I'm where I need to be."

E!

Mike sat at the table in the day room drinking coffee and reading the day's paper. John sat beside him and pulled the paper down. Mike glared at him as he set the paper down.

"What do you want, Gage?"

John shrugged as he searched the plate of donuts for a jelly filled.

"Just wondering how Jess is doing. When is she going to come home?"

Mike folded the paper in half and shoved it to the side. He took a drink of coffee.

"She's doing good. Recovery is taking longer than planned; she now has some sort of infection in her femur. Maria is starting to work with her on crutches; hopefully she will be home in a couple of weeks maybe a month. Just depends on this infection. She will still have therapy just outpatient and she'll have some exercises at home."

John smiled when he found what he was looking for.

"So she agreed to move in with you?"

Mike nodded as he took another drink.

"Yeah, I explained the reasoning behind it and she agreed."

"Wow! Things are pretty serious between you two. So when are you going to ask her to marry you? I mean that has to be on your mind if you asked her to move in."

Mike rose heading to the sink. He was considering asking her, but now was not a good time. He wanted her home and stable before popping a question of that magnitude.

"Just between you and me, I've thought about it. Now is not a good time, but in the future yeah. I'd want her as my wife."

John nodded. He knew how much Mike loved her. He admired Mike for sticking by her side. He didn't think he could have stayed with her this long, not after everything she's been through. They both headed to the bay as the Klaxons sounded.

"Station 51, structure fire, 14761 North Mayberry, cross street 22nd street, that's 14761 North Mayberry, time out 13.45."

E!

When they arrived on scene the structure was partly involved. Cap shook his head knowing the family just lost everything. All the crew could do was prevent the fire from spreading to the neighboring houses.

"Kelly, Wright take a two and a half to the north side of the house. Desoto, Gage a two and a half attack from the East."

Mike checked the connection for intake; he shook his head as he tried to stop the leaking connector. Cap gave the signal to charge the lines. Mike had just pulled the lever when a frantic woman approached him. She grabbed hold of his jacket attempting to pull him toward the house.

"Please my son is in there. He's only four I can't lose him. Please."

His heart skipped a beat as he headed toward Cap. The woman followed closely behind. He hated it when a kid was trapped in a fire.

"Cap there's a child inside."

The woman pointed to the second story as tears ran down her face.

"He's there on the second floor. His room is the second door on the left. Please help him. I couldn't get to him. If I lose him…"

"Gage Desoto, We have a child trapped on the second floor! Lady says his room is the second door on the left! Use your air tanks. Kelly pull a protector line and go with them!"

Mike watched as his brothers entered the structure; after they were in he turned his attention to the gauges on the panel. He monitored the protector line intently. Minutes later Roy asked him to bring the resuscitator, bio-com, and drug box. Mike carefully laid the equipment beside the medic team and awaited further instruction.

"Mike get some oxygen on him." John stated as he began taking the child's vitals.

The boy's mother became even more distraught as she saw him place the mask over the boy's nose and mouth.

"Why are you doing that! Is he…is he dead! Oh my God, not Bobby!"

Mike calmly turned to the woman.

"Ma'am he's alive. Please let the medics work. Bobby will be ok. Please step back."

Captain Stanley pulled the woman back. She struggled against him not believing what Mike told her.

"Ma'am he's right. The oxygen is just a precaution as is the IV. We will take him to Rampart and have him checked out. Please calm down. See he's already starting to come around."

The boy stirred keeping his eyes closed as the attendants placed him on the stretcher.

E!

Mike was glad he was heading home after a long shift. It was one call after another; they had everything from rubbish fires to major structure fires. He was tired and needed sleep. He called Jess to let her know he would have to miss today's session, but would be up after lunch to see her. She understood telling him to take a hot shower and get some sleep. He was thankful to have such an understanding girl. Most girls would be highly upset when they learned they had to wait to see their man. Once at home he followed her advice and took a long hot shower. He set his alarm for one and glanced at Apollo. The dog lay on the bed next to him.

"You know when Jess comes home that's her side of the bed and you'll be jousted."

The dog wagged his tail as Mike climbed under the blankets and passed out.

E!

"So Doc, when am I going to bust out of this joint?"

Dr. Nelson reviewed her chart as he tapped his pen on the bed rail. That habit annoyed her to no end. He did it every time he was in her room. She reached out and grabbed the pen from his hands. She adjusted so she was eye to eye with him. Mike laughed to himself. He was glad Jess was anxious to go home. He was ready for her to be home. Yesterday the guys helped him clear out her apartment. It didn't take long; she lived with the bare necessities.

"Doc, I asked you a question! I want to go home!"

Dr. Nelson closed the chart and held out his hand for his pen.

"Well, I don't see a problem with you going home Wednesday. Your femur is clear of infection. Maria says you're doing well with the crutches and I understand your husband has made the necessary adjustments at home. Jess gave him a bewildered look.

"But he's not…" Mike waved his hands and shook his head motioning for her to stop. Doc looked back to him as Mike pretended to scratch his head.

"He's not what?"

Mike moved to the side of her bed.

"I'm not quite ready for her to be home, but I can finish by Wednesday with the help of my coworkers."

"Mmmmhmmm. Jess, Maria will be up to take you up for therapy shortly." He said as he headed out the door. Jess slapped Mike on the arm.

"Why did you tell him that for? We're not married!"

He leaned closer to her.

"Jess, I had to or they wouldn't let me stay with you. If you want to get mad at someone get mad at Dix; it was her idea. However Jesse Lynn Stoker has a nice sound to it."

She playfully pushed him away.

"Yeah, whatever!"

Mike placed his hands on either side of her and leaned in closer.

"Whatever, huh?" he asked as he gave her a tender and passion filled kiss.

A few moments later Maria entered with a set of crutches. Seeing the couple locked in an intimate kiss she cleared her throat loudly.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

Mike's face turned red as he pulled away from Jess. He didn't like it when people walked in without knocking, especially when he was having a private intimate moment with the woman he loved.

"Uh, no. Come on in."

Maria approached Jess as she held out the crutches. Jesse gave her a confused look as Mike helped her stand. He wrapped his arm around her waist to steady her as Maria made a few adjustments to the crutches.

"There, a perfect fit! Dr. Nelson said you're heading home Wednesday so I thought I'd go ahead and work with you on your custom ones. They are a little different from those you use in therapy, but I think you will like them better."

Jess leaned on them surprised at how comfortable they were; the ones in therapy caused her to hurt under her arms. These were lighter, had extra padding and were her favorite color, cobalt blue.

"So this is why you took my measurements a few weeks back?"

"Yep, I noticed you were between sizes on a standard set making them awkward for you to use. I had more padding added to ease the discomfort you're experiencing in your hands and under your arms. They are made of aluminum making them easier to manage. You ready to head up? Today you're walking the entire way; no more wheelchairs for you. I'm going to teach you some things you need to do at home between sessions."

Jess nodded and started for the door. Mike noticed she was a little unstable and took her elbow.

"Need some help, baby?"

She shook her head as she continued.

"Nope, I've got it. No offense, but I need to learn to do this without you. I'm not staying in bed while you're at work; I may want to take Apollo for a walk."

He laughed. "I'm sure he'd love that. He's been missing you." _I've missed you._


	21. Chapter 21

Ch. 21

"What do you mean you forgot the cake? You can't celebrate a birthday without one!"

John stood at the small kitchen table unpacking the two brown bags he'd brought. After setting the twelve pack of beer on the table he pointed two fingers at his chest and he leaned toward Chet.

"It's wasn't _my_ job to pick it up, Chet! I was told to bring the ice and beer."

Chet stepped closer to him as he leaned forward. His blue eyes glaring at the tall paramedic as he poked John roughly in the chest.

"Well it wasn't mine either. I told you yesterday to pick it up at Ralph's."

John pushed Chet away and headed to the fridge.

"You sure you didn't tell Roy?"

Chet shook his head hard causing his curly hair to sway. "Nope, Roy's bringing the potato chips, dip, paper plates and cups."

Captain Stanley heard enough; he stretched his lean frame as he rose from the bar stool. Today was an occasion for celebrating and his crew was at each other's throats. Grabbing Chet by the back of his shirt he pulled him back from John dragging him behind the counter that separated the living room from the dining room. He pointed to John then to Chet.

"I don't care whose job it was you twits; the point is the cake is not here! Now you will both go and pick it up together."

Cap turned toward the living room when he heard the patio door open; Mike entered shaking his head. Frustration filled his face. He leaned against the granite counter and rubbed his face with both hands. Today was not going as planned. First the bed he'd ordered would not be delivered until Saturday; then he realized he forgot important ingredients for what the guys dubbed 'Stoker's Secret Sauce' and to top it all off he forgot Saturday was Jesse's birthday. He pushed away from the counter.

"Is anyone going to the store? I didn't realize I used all the charcoal on the last barbeque. Not to mention I forgot the vinegar, fresh garlic, and brown sugar for the sauce."

Cap pointed over his shoulder to the two men standing behind him.

"These twits are heading out to pick up the cake they forgot; they'd be more than happy to pick up anything you need. Right Gage and Kelly?"

Chet nodded enthusiastically as he rubbed his hands together. He pulled his keys out of his pocket and motioned for John to follow him.

"Yeah, Mike just tell me what you need; Johnny and I will get it. Lord knows we can't have barbeque without Stoker's Secret Sauce."

Mike sighed as he pulled a pen out of the container on the counter. He quickly jotted down the missing items and handed the list to John. John read through the list with a furrowed brow pointing at each item on the list.

"Yeah, no problem, we'll be back in a jiffy. Chet we are NOT taking that piece of shit car of yours. Be damned if I have to push that pile again."

Mike chuckled as the pair headed out the front door. He leaned back against the counter and placed his head on his hands. Right now tired would be an understatement. He stayed up late last night making final preparations for today and rose early to run to the store. He worried about Jess. She still seemed distant. The doctor changed her antidepressants hoping her mood would improve; instead they made her drowsy and slightly combative. Cap placed his hand on Mike's shoulder. He admired his engineer's dedication to Jess and wished there was more he could do to help ease his burden.

"Don't worry, Pal. It will all work out fine."

Mike stood upright and ran a hand through his hair. Sometimes he wondered if he was doing the right thing by staying with her.

"Yeah I know. I'm just taking it one day at a time; that's all I can do."

He glanced at Jesse's small alarm clock sitting on the counter. Since he had a feeling that she was anal about things being in a certain place he tried to place her things in similar places here. He picked up the keys out of the small silver bowl.

"Cap I have to go pick her up; Dr. Nelson has a few things to cover with me. When John gets back if you could get the grill started that would help a lot and set the steaks out to warm up. They are in a dish marinating so be careful."

"Yeah, Mike I can do that. Is there anything else?"

Mike shook his head. "Just keep the kids from wrecking my house."

E!

Mike stopped by Dixie's desk on his way up to the third floor. She gave him a warm hug and smile before taking her place on the tall stool behind it. She moved a pile of paperwork to the side so he could set his duffel bag on the counter.

"So today's the big day. Are you ready?"

Mike sighed. To be honest he wasn't sure if he was ready. He didn't know how Jess would act at home. She was still having trouble adjusting to her limited mobility and often would push herself too hard.

"Yeah I guess so." He quietly answered as he turned his eyes to the floor.

Dix leaned toward him as she placed her hand over his.

"You don't sound like you are. You're worried about leaving her alone?"

He ran a hand across his face frowning when he realized he'd forgotten to shave. He rolled a pen back and forth across the desk. Worry filled his usually calm face.

"Yeah kind of, Dix she pushes herself too hard trying to do everything like she used to. Yesterday I got a call from the floor nurse saying Jess fell in her room because she wasn't using her crutches. She told the nurse she was only going to the bathroom and didn't need them for that. Luckily Jess didn't hurt herself but needed help getting back up."

He pushed roughly from the counter as he slammed his fist against it. Dixie pulled back surprised at his unusual display of anger. Mike was normally a very composed and calm man.

"Damn it why can't she understand that life is different now? I don't want to come home after a shift and find her injured somewhere in the house, because she refused to use those damn crutches."

He leaned on his arms against the counter and hung his head. Mike struggled to hold the tears back. Dix sat taller and crossed her arms in front of her chest. In her opinion Jess was acting childish.

"Do you want me to talk to her?"

Mike held up one hand as he wiped the tears from his eyes. He was afraid she'd be too hard on Jess. Besides it was his problem and he would handle it.

"No, that's ok. I'll talk to her. I'd better get up there; Dr. Nelson is expecting me at eleven. Dix, I'm sorry about that outburst, I don't know why I did it."

Dix gave him a warm smile. "It's ok Mike, you're under a lot of stress. It's hard when someone you love goes through something like this."

E!

Jesse smiled as he entered the room. She was glad she was finally going home. She had enough of the hospital with its bossy nurses, crappy food and lack of freedom. He placed the bag on her bed as he gave her a kiss. Mike opened the bag and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of jeans.

He kept his head down pondering what Dr. Nelson told him. The doctor suggested he keep a close eye on her in case she took a turn for the worse. Mike tried telling the doctor that she promised him that suicide was never an option; but he wouldn't listen. Mike was informed that her new medication carried the possibility of her attempting. He wanted her taken off and put on a new one, but Dr. Nelson refused saying that it was the best choice for treatment.

He handed her the clothes as he studied her body language. She seemed ok, but he knew recently she became good at covering her true feelings. Though Jess acted 'normal', she was secretive and withdrawn like when he first met her. He didn't like it, and felt she wanted him to leave her all together.

"I hope this is ok; I didn't know what you'd want to wear home. So I brought your station t-shirt and your favorite jeans"

"That will be fine, as long as it's something other than sweat pants."

He sat on the edge of the bed as she changed her shirt. He felt tears begin to pool in his eyes when he saw the embroidery on the front of her shirt: _J._ _Johnson, Firefighter._ His heart ached knowing that she would never return to active duty. He took her hand holding it gently.

"Baby, are you ok?"

She smiled as she removed her sweats. She pulled them carefully down the scar that ran down her hip. Wincing she pulled her leg up to remove them from her ankle. She shifted on the bed causing the air pump to activate compensating for the difference in pressure.

"Yeah, Michael, I'm fine. Why?"

He rose from the bed standing in front of her. Jess carefully pulled the jeans up to her thighs; taking one of the crutches she stood and placed it under the arm on her 'good' side. She leaned on it as she finished pulling up her jeans. He was glad to see her actually using them. _Of course she will; I'm here._

"It's nothing I'm just making sure; home will be an adjustment for both of us. It's just you and me. You ready? I have a surprise for you at home."

She smiled as she headed out of the room glad she was free of the hospital. Once at the truck Mike opened her door. Jess studied the height of the floor board noticing it came just above her knee. She forgot how tall his truck was. She gave a long sigh and hung her head. He noticed her distraught face.

"Would you like some help, baby? I'm sorry I didn't think about the height; I should have brought yours."

She nodded sadly as reality struck her; things were a lot different now. She needed help to do something as simple as getting in a truck. Inside the hospital people were there to help and she felt normal. Tears flowed down her face as he took her in his arms. He held her tightly as she shook sobbing loudly.

'I…I...I..c..can't e...e..even g..et in..in the truck."

Mike lightly ran his fingers through her hair. He carefully pulled her away from him and took her face in his hands. He gently wiped the tears from her eyes with his calloused fingers. He leaned down so he could see her eyes.

"Jesse, it's ok. You'll get there; it will take time. For now let me help you."

He took her crutches placing them against the side of the truck. "Wrap your arms around my neck."

Mike carefully lifted her; she inhaled deeply taking in the scent of his aftershave as she laid her head against his shoulder. He wanted to hold her longer, but he did have people waiting at home. _God I've missed that._ He placed the crutches in the bed as he closed her door.

E!

Jesse remained quiet the entire ride home keeping her head down. She pulled absent-mindedly at a string attached to a hole in her jeans. She hated feeling this way; darkness was trying to find its way back to the deepest recesses of her mind. Fighting it back was becoming increasingly difficult. She glanced over to Mike who focused on driving through the 405 traffic. She admired his lean and cut form, the way his biceps and triceps flexed as he turned on the off ramp. She really liked that his shirt now stretched tightly across his broad and muscular chest. He caught her looking and flashed a boyish smile.

"You like?"

Jess felt her face warm as she returned her eyes to her lap. A soft smile covered her face as she nodded. She always thought he was attractive, but didn't recall him being so ripped.

"Wait till you see the rest; I've worked off some stress at the gym. I think you'll be satisfied with the results. However you'll have to behave yourself for at least a couple more months."

He turned on Rixford and pointed to the house.

"Jess, look."

She surveyed the lawn as he pulled in the drive. The entire A-shift stood on the green lawn waving frantically. John sauntered over and opened her door as he pulled her crutches from the bed. He held out his hand attempting to help her out. Mike grabbed his arm.

"Excuse me, I'll do that."

"Sorry, just tryin' to help" John replied as he stepped back.

Cap pulled him back on the lawn as he gave him a stern look. Mike carefully wrapped his arm around her waist and helped her slide out of the seat. Once she had her feet under her he wrapped her in a warm embrace.

"Welcome home, baby." He whispered as he stepped back.

Captain Stanley stepped off the lawn on the concrete drive. He wrapped his long arms around his former lineman squeezing her gently. Jess stood rigid at her captain's uncommon show of affection. He pulled away keeping his hands lightly on her shoulders and gave her a warm smile.

"Welcome home Jess! You had us worried for a while, but I knew you'd pull through. After all you have one hell of a guy taking care of you."

He stepped back pushing Chet forward. Chet stood awkwardly in front of her with his hands in his pockets. He ran a hand through his curly hair and his blue eyes filled with tears. He didn't know what to say to the person who risked her life to save his. Their relationship wasn't the best, and he wanted to change it. He just wasn't sure how.

"Well, uh, babe, welcome home."

John pulled him back as he approached her. He wrapped his arms around her giving her a rough brotherly hug. As he pulled away he roughly tossed her hair.

"Hi Jesse, good to see you out of hotel Rampart! Don't ever scare me like that again, you hear? Oh and get a haircut!"

She motioned for him to lean down. As he did she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek causing his face to turn red.

"Thanks John for ,you know, getting me out and taking care of me. You're one hell of a paramedic."

He looked to the ground and shifted uncomfortably.

"Ah well, just doing my job. Stoker here would never forgive me if I didn't. Besides Roy did more than I did."

Mike looked across the lawn puzzled. Roy was here before he left.

"Where is Roy?"

"Oh he went to get JoAnn at her parents. He said he'd be right back." Chet stated.

Jesse placed her crutches under her arms and walked slowly to the front door. She smiled when she saw a happy Apollo standing in the window. His ears perked and his tail wagged frantically when she opened the door. The dog carefully approached her. As he smelled her injured leg he whimpered. She leaned over and scratched him behind his ears.

"I don't know about you guys, but I could use a beer. Not to mention I am hungry!" She said as she glanced over her shoulder.

Cap placed his hands on Chet and John's backs pushing them forward.

"Well you heard the lady. Let's go out back and celebrate!"

E!

Jesse collapsed on the couch as John closed the front door. She was exhausted; the crew had gone all out to celebrate both her homecoming and her birthday. Mike sat next to her as he handed her a beer.

"Last one, want it?"

She accepted it, popped the top and took a long swig. Mike watched her intently; a boyish smile spread across his face. She stopped almost choking on her drink; she placed it on the coffee table.

"What?!"

He moved closer to her and placed his arm around her shoulders. Taking his free hand he turned her face toward him placing his lips just inches from hers.

"You didn't tell me you're only twenty-four. You know I'm thirty, right?"

"Yeah, so? It's only six years. It doesn't bother you, does it?"

"Not in the least. I just wanted to make sure you didn't mind."

Jess closed the distance between them pressing her lips against his. Chills ran down her spine when he returned her kiss and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She ran her hand through his hair and along the side of his face as her desire for him grew. He gradually pulled back as he felt her hand run down his chest. She leaned in for more, but he stopped her hand at the top of his jeans.

"Jess, baby as much as I want to we can't."

She slowly moved her hand and stared at the couch knowing he was right. Her body wasn't healed enough.

"I know, I just miss you." She quietly whispered.

Mike hated to turn her down; he missed her too. He turned sideways on the couch and took her in his arms. He leaned back against the armrest placing her back against his chest. She nestled in resting her head against his shoulder.

"I miss you too."

He buried his face in her hair and inhaled deeply. She sat quietly enjoying him holding her tightly. She felt safe lying with him; she felt the darkness couldn't take her here. She wondered why he continued to be with her. _Is love really like that? _The day's excitement caught up with her causing her eyelids to droop and eventually close. She snuggled deeper against him as her breathing slowed. He waited for a while making sure she was asleep before carefully picking her up. He walked slowly to the bedroom and lay her on the bed. He quietly turned out the lights and checked the door before crawling in next to her. Mike snuggled up against her being careful not to hold too tightly.

"Goodnight, baby, I love you." He whispered in her ear.


	22. Chapter 22

Ch. 22

Jesse held tightly to the bathroom sink shaking uncontrollably. Her heart raced wildly as her breathing increased. Her mind seemed to go a mile a minute; she couldn't focus on a single thought. She quickly opened the door and walked as fast as her body would allow.

_I've got to get out of here! He's going to hurt me; I can't let him hurt me! _

Mike looked up as she entered the living room. The panicked look on her face told him something was wrong. He slowly stood as he held out his hands. This wasn't the first time she'd become agitated. Carefully he approached her keeping his hands where she could see them.

"Baby, are you all right?" He asked softly.

She tried to sidestep him as she continued through the living room towards the door; however she tripped on the upturned corner of the rug. He reached out to catch her wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. He couldn't allow her to leave, not in her current state of mind. She screamed loudly as she jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow.

"NO! NO! DON'T HURT ME! MICHAEL, PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!"

Mike knelt on the floor cradling his ribs with one arm. He remained there for a few moments waiting for the pain to subside, giving Jesse time to make her way to the kitchen. She looked frantically around it as her mind continued to race.

_Must find something to protect myself; he's going to hurt me. I can't let him hurt me!_

Her eyes stopped on the block on knives on the counter by the stove. Mike rounded the corner of the bar as she pulled out the butcher's knife. Upon hearing him enter the kitchen, she turned quickly around and held the knife towards him in a threatening manner.

"NO! GET BACK; LEAVE ME ALONE!"

He stopped suddenly as he held his hands up. His heart seemed to stop in his chest as he calmly addressed her.

"Jesse, listen to me. I'm not going to hurt you. Baby, please put the knife down."

She continued to point it at him as she moved closer using the counter for support. He slowly backed away keeping his hands up.

"NO!"

He continued to back away returning to the living room. She stopped midway down the bar. Mike's training told him he couldn't handle her alone. He cautiously moved to the phone by the couch. Her wide and panic filled eyes followed him.

"What are you doing?" she asked suspiciously.

He picked up the receiver and dialed the number for the station as he calmly spoke.

"Jess, I'm calling John; he's our friend remember?"

_Please let them be there; I don't want to call dispatch._

Captain Stanley answered after the fourth ring.

"Station 51, this is Captain Stanley."

Mike inhaled sharply. "Cap this is Mike. Are John and Roy available for response?"

Cap paused on the other end.

"Yeah, Mike they're right here at the table. What's wrong? Is Jess all right?"

Mike's voice trembled as he answered.

"Cap, something's wrong with her. I don't know how to explain it, but sir she's flipped out. She's terrified, has a knife pointed at me now and won't let me near her."

"Ok, Pal. We are on our way; try to keep her calm till we get there. Do not approach her."

E!

John looked to his captain as he hung up the phone worry filled his brown eyes. Cap turned to the table, tears filled his eyes.

"Cap, what's wrong?"

Placing his hands on his hips he stared at the floor and addressed his crew.

"Jess has flipped out on Mike; she's threatening to hurt him with a knife."

John ran a hand down his face as he sighed loudly. Mike called him last night worried about her state of mind. He told him that her medication altered her personality drastically.

E!

"Jess, sweetheart, calm down, it's ok. You're all right."

John stood a couple of feet from Jess with his hands raised in a unthreatening way. She stood behind the kitchen counter eyes wide with fear and panic. She held tightly to the edge of the counter with one hand and in the other she had a butcher knife. John slowly backed away and stood beside Mike.

"What happened?"

Mike placed a hand on his hip and stared at the floor. He took some time off work to relax and spend time with her. He hated seeing her this way; the doctor adjusted her meds a week ago causing her mood to become unstable. The morning started out like any other. He got up early, went for a run, and made breakfast. Jess got up a short time later, took her medication, and headed for a shower. He looked to the men behind him. Cap had a saddened and worried look and Chet stared at the floor.

"Well I guess it all started a few days ago; her doctor adjusted her medication to a higher dose. I begged him to take her off of it; it was only making her worse. It's changed her. She's never been this bad. This morning started like any other, she got up took her meds and took a shower. When she entered the living room she was panicked and terrified. She tried to run for the door, but she tripped on the rug. I tried to restrain her myself, but she jabbed me in the ribs and broke free. Jess entered the kitchen, pulled a knife, and threatened me with it. John this isn't Jesse; those fucking meds have her all jacked up. I know I should take her to a different doctor."

John placed his hands on his narrow hips and studied Jess. Mike was right this wasn't Jesse. Yeah she had issues with depression, but never had she acted this way. It wasn't in her nature. His heart ached seeing his friend like this. He sighed knowing he had to ask. He pointed two fingers toward her, and gave Mike a serious look.

"Mike, is there any chance at all she's on drugs?"

He shook his head as he looked sadly toward her. Jess continued to have a death grip on the counter, her eyes wide with fear as she kept the knife pointed at them.

Roy approached them carrying a bag of D5W and a syringe of diazepam.

"Rampart wants 10 milligrams diazepam IM and an IV when she's sedated."

Cap stood beside John.

"What do we do? It will be hard to restrain her while she's holding that knife."

John placed his hand against his chin and studied the kitchen. He pointed to the door leading to the laundry room.

"Mike, is there a door that leads outside in the laundry room?"

"Uh yeah, but it's locked. I can give you my keys. What are you thinking?"

"Well, I'm going to distract her while Roy enters through that door…"

Mike shook his head.

"I'll do it; I can't risk one of you getting hurt. Roy just be ready with those meds. I don't know how long I can hold her."

John slowly approached her holding his hands out. She shifted uncomfortably.

"Please don't hurt me!" she said her voice filled with fear. She pointed the knife at him.

John spoke softly as he moved closer keeping his hands up.

"Jess, it's Johnny, you know I'm not going to hurt you. I want to help. Sweetheart I know you're scared now, but no one here is going to hurt you."

Her eyes darted from him to the men behind him. She moved farther down the counter, keeping a firm grip on it.

"Johnny, you..you want to help? I'm scared."

He held his hand higher signaling Mike to wait. Roy stood to the left just out of her sight with the syringe ready.

"Yeah I want to help, but you have to put the knife down. I can't help you with you holding it. Jess please put it down. I'm not going to hurt you." He stated in a reassuring voice as he moved closer.

Jess shook her head as she ran her hand through her hair. She knew he wouldn't harm her, but her mind was racing. She tried hard to focus on her rational thoughts.

_He..he…wants to..to..help. Put the…the..knife down. No can't risk it._

She shook her head again attempting to clear it. _Put the knife down; let..let him help._

John held his breath as he motioned again for Mike to wait. He let it out as Jess slowly lowered the knife placing it in the sink.

"NOW!"

Mike lunged forward wrapping his arms tightly around hers. She fought hard screaming.

"NO,NO LET ME GO! DON'T HURT ME. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!"

"Baby, it's ok. I'm not hurting you. Calm down, honey." Mike soothed.

Roy quickly injected the diazepam in her arm. Mike continued to restrain her despite the pain that ran through his arms. Jess slowly began to relax, her voice becoming soft and slurred as the medicine took effect.

"N…no, d…d…onnn't hurt…"

Mike eased her to the kitchen floor as John prepared the IV.

E!

"Maprotiline, what the hell, is she doing on this?!"

Dr. Brackett studied the prescription bottle Mike handed him. This drug was known for its role in drastic mood changes, especially when dosing is changed too rapidly. Mike shrugged.

"It's what Dr. Nelson prescribed."

Brackett roughly closed the metal clipboard and rubbed his forehead.

"Nelson is a orthopedist, not a psychiatrist. Why he even prescribed antidepressants instead of referring her is beyond me. She will have to stay here while we wean her off the maprotiline and start her on a different medication. I'll talk to Dr. Warrick and see what he recommends."

Mike forcefully blew out his breath.

_Great another hospital stay_; _this is the last thing she needs._

"So, uh, Doc, when will she return to normal for lack of a better word?"

"Soon, her current medication leaves the system quickly. Don't worry we'll get her straightened out. I'm just sorry you had to go through this."

"Can I see her now?"

Brackett placed a hand on Mike's shoulder as he guided him out of the room.

"Yes, I think that will be good. She is still sedated."

E!

Mike quietly entered the darkened room. She stirred as the light hit her face. He sat by her side as he'd done too many times before. Staying with her was becoming increasingly difficult; however knowing it was the medication causing her to behave like this offered some comfort. He deeply missed the fun, loving, and playful girl he fell in love with. _God, I want my Jesse back; I don't like what she's become. I don't know how long I can keep this up. You gave her to me to love, but it's hard. Should I let her go?_

He pulled the bedrail down, moved her over carefully, and lay beside her on his side. He knew it was against the rules, but he didn't care. He placed his arm across her and closed his eyes.

E!

Jesse eyes fluttered open. She looked around the room, stopping when her eyes found him sleeping beside her. A beard was forming on his tense face. He shifted on the bed as he pulled her tighter. She became confused. _How'd I get here?_ She tried hard to remember this morning. Tears filled her eyes as the events played in her mind. She recalled being terrified, but couldn't remember why. She remembered him trying to hold her. _Oh Lord,_ _I pulled a knife on him! I threatened my best friend with a kitchen knife! After all he's done for me…"_ She began to tremble as the tears poured forth.

Mike woke with a start when he felt her shaking underneath his arm. He leaned on his arm as he gently caressed her cheek.

"Baby, it's ok. You're safe."

She cried harder at his tender touch.

"Mi..Michael, I'm…I'm so s…s…sorry."

He sat upright as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. He helped her sit up and wrapped his arms tightly around her.

"Jesse, it's ok…"

She pulled away turning her back to him.

"No! No it's not ok. Michael I pulled a knife on you! I was going to hurt you. Why are you still here!? Don't say it's because you love me. After that I don't deserve your love."

"I'm still going to say it, because you need to hear it. I love you. I love you faults and all. Baby, I don't blame _you_ for what happened yesterday. It was those fucked up meds they put you on; Brackett said so. Honey you had no control over what happened. You weren't thinking clearly and it scared you."

She sniffled as she turned back to him. She gazed at the bed as she adjusted the IV tubing.

"How can you be so understanding?"

He softly laughed.

"I guess I was gifted with patience and understanding because somebody knew we'd end up together. Now are you ok?"

She rubbed her leg.

"Yeah, my mind is a lot clearer, but my leg hurts something fierce."

"I bet it does; you put a lot of stress on it fighting me. I'll get the nurse; see if we can get you something."

Mike pulled open the door surprised to see Dr. Brackett.

"Sorry Mike I didn't know you were on your way out."

He opened the door inviting the doctor in.

"I was on my way to the nurses' station. Jess's leg is hurting pretty bad."

Brackett moved to the side of her bed studying her closely. She seemed to be in a better state of mind.

"So Jess, other than your leg, how are you feeling?"

She played with the hem of the sheet feeling embarrassed.

"I'm embarrassed about my actions. Doc I'm not like that; I've never been aggressive a day in my life. I can think more clearly; my mind is no longer going a mile a minute."

"Mmmmhmm. Jess you had an adverse reaction to your medication; there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I talked with Dr. Warren, the psychiatrist; he suggested we get you started on Nardil. It doesn't carry negative side effects like maprotiline. He does want to see you after you're released."

She moved uncomfortably._ Another new medication?_ Mike placed his hand over hers attempting to comfort her. Dr. Brackett moved the clipboard under his arm.

"Jess I understand your reluctance with a new medication. I assure you that Nardil will not cause you to lose control; plus you'll be under the care of a mental health expert. Dr. Warren will monitor you closely. So will you at least give it a try?"

She looked to Mike with uncertainty in her eyes. She wanted to get better and enjoy her relationship with him, but she was afraid.

"So the odds of me acting like I did are slim?"

Brackett smiled.

"I'd say so. So I'll tell the nurse to start you on it Sunday; we have to make sure all the maprotiline is out of your system. I'll also ask her to give you something for your leg."

E!

Mike watched from the steps in the back yard as Jess played a game of fetch with Apollo. She sat on a lawn chair throwing the worn out tennis ball across the lawn. She laughed as the dog dropped the ball in her lap and proceeded to cover her face with sloppy kisses. She roughly tossed him away and launched the ball across the lawn sending it into the fence. Apollo jumped high as it rebounded. He turned the can of Bud Light around in his hand and smiled; it felt great to hear her laugh again.

Mike looked up to see her turned to him flashing a seductive smile. She held up the sign for 'I love you.' He beamed as he returned it; it was something she started after returning home from her latest stay in Hotel Rampart. At first he had no clue about its significance; she laughed as she explained its meaning.

She's only been on the new medication for three weeks, but already he saw a drastic improvement. She saw Dr. Warrick once a week to evaluate her medication and for counseling. She smiled and laughed more and her playful nature returned. He gave a boyish grin as he recalled this morning.

She snuck up from behind and wrapped her arms around him as he fixed breakfast. She ran her hands lightly down his bare abs. She laughed as he squirmed asking if he was ticklish. She whispered seductively in his ear after giving him a passionate kiss telling him how much she adored him. He wanted her, but Dr. Nelson had advised they wait a little longer.

"You ok?"

Her voice startled him. He hadn't realized she moved next to him. He looked up smiling.

"Yeah, baby, I'm good, just thinking."

She leaned her crutches against the stairs as she sat in his lap. Jess laid her head against his shoulder, and pulled his arms around her. She snuggled against him inhaling deeply. She grinned as she realized he was wearing her favorite aftershave.

"Mmmm, you smell great!" she whispered.

"Baby, are you cold or did you just sit here to enjoy my aftershave?" he asked as he pulled the zipper on her coat higher.

"A little of both." She replied as she ran her hand across his chest.

"Hey Christmas is next week; when are we getting our tree? Last year we went the first weekend of December."

He placed his face next to hers squeezing her firmly.

"Well, this year I'm taking some time off around Christmas so we can spend it at the farm. We can stay in the cabin; assuming you want to. There's a beautiful fireplace in the bedroom. Not to mention it has an amazing view of the lake. After Snow Fight we can snuggle under the blankets as we drink hot chocolate."

Her face lit up and her eyes sparkled. She turned her body to face him, speaking excitedly.

"Really, Christmas at the farm?! Is there snow? I've never had a white Christmas!"

He laughed as he ran his hand tenderly down the side of her face. He loved seeing this side of her.

_This is the Jess I fell for!_

He placed his arms tightly around her waist and placed his forehead against hers.

"Yes, I talked with Uncle Mark last night after you went to bed. There is snow, lots of it. So be sure to pack the mittens and hat Aunt Clara sent you."

She took his face in her hands and smiled.

"Good, because I'm kicking your ass at Snow Fight this year!"

He leaned in giving her an affectionate kiss.

"Yeah? We'll see."

E!

Chet leaned across the table and grabbed the plate of donuts. He searched them for a chocolate glazed cake. His face furrowed when he didn't find one.

"So you're really asking her after all she's put you through?! No offense Mike, she's not exactly stable, if ya know what I mean."

Mike dunked his donut in the steaming hot coffee. He took a bite and breathed through his mouth attempting to cool the burning sensation.

"Shit that's hot! Yes, Chet, that's what real love is. Even though she's drug me through hell and back, I'm asking her to be my wife. Watch what you say about her; I'd hate to kick your ass. For your information she is doing a lot better on this medication."

He pulled a small velvet box from his pocket and opened it. Inside was a diamond solitaire with a narrow white gold band. John leaned over as he wiped his nose. He poked two fingers down on the table.

"Wow, Mike that's beautiful! So you're serious? I mean are you sure it's the right time?"

Mike nodded. He was positive now was the right time. Jess was getting better emotionally; she finally accepted her limited mobility as a fact of life. However it didn't slow her down; she just adapted her activities to accommodate. He even sent Apollo to a school for aid dogs. He felt better knowing that she had him to help if something happened.

"Yeah, now's right. We've been through so much and we're still together. It hasn't been easy, but I can't imagine my life without her."

Chet poked him in the ribs with his elbow.

"So uh how much overtime did that cost?"

Mike rolled his eyes as he answered, "Enough."

He didn't like lying to Jess about all the overtime he worked over the past month. Surprisingly she understood; that was the beauty of having someone who has experience in the fire service. Cap entered the room heading to the stove for coffee. He passed the table and stopped with a confused look on his face. He backtracked to the table.

"Is that an engagement ring?! Which one of you twits is proposing? Gage, you didn't get some girl pregnant did you?"

John scoffed loudly as he crossed his arms over his chest.

_Why do they always think I did something?_

Before John could say anything in his defense Chet spoke up loudly.

"It's not Gage, Cap. Stoker here is asking Jess!"

Cap smiled as he held out his hand to his second in command. He knew this day was coming and what better time to ask than this time of year.

"So you're finally going to make an honest woman out of Jess. When you popping the question?"

Mike stood taking Cap's hand and shaking it firmly.

"Christmas at the farm, Uncle Mark says they have record snow. The lake will be beautiful with all the snow-covered firs; it's the perfect place for a proposal. I just hope she accepts."

Cap placed his hand on Mike's shoulder and shook him gently.

"I'm sure she will, Pal. She really adores you and I don't blame her. You've been good to her. A lot of guys would have given up on her. Just be sure we're invited to the wedding."

Mike grinned as he looked at his brothers. They had his back no matter what happened. To not have them at his wedding would be wrong.

"Of course you're invited! I wouldn't have it any other way; besides Jess would never forgive me if I didn't invite our brothers!"


	23. Chapter 23

Ch. 23

Mike scooted closer to her on the bed as he wrapped an arm around her. He glanced at the clock on the bedside table across from him. It was 8:30 in the morning. Normally both of them would be well awake by now, but Jess had a rough night. She wouldn't admit being in considerable pain; however he could see it in her face. He finally convinced her to take her pain meds around two a.m., around three she finally dozed off. She despised them because they caused extreme drowsiness that lingered most of the day after she'd taken one.

He placed his hand under her shirt and lightly ran his fingers across her abdomen. She tried to pull away as a smile spread across her face, but soon found she was trapped. Mike nuzzled her neck tenderly as he spoke quietly in her ear.

"Good morning sunshine! How are you feeling?"

She snuggled closer to him. The pain was bearable and she felt she could hide it better than last night. She didn't want him to worry, not today. If she admitted she still hurt then he would postpone the trip to Santa Clarita. Jess didn't want that; she wanted a change of scenery. She wanted to celebrate Christmas with him in the mountains.

"Better, thanks for sitting up with me. You're so good to me even when I don't deserve it."

Mike sat up and stretched his arms wide in the sunlight that filtered through the curtains. He was glad she was feeling better; Canceling the trip would mess up his plans. He turned to her and placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

"Good! I'll pack the truck while you're in the shower. After that I need your help in the kitchen; we're having omelets. I need my sous chef's expert chopping skills."

She waited till she heard the back door close before limping to the bathroom. Apollo followed her closely whimpering the entire way.

"Shhh!" she commanded him, "Daddy doesn't need to know. He'll cancel our trip!"

She closed him with her in the bathroom. Jess opened the cabinet and pulled out the Tramidol. She didn't want to take it; however it would make the trip bearable. Sitting for long periods only irritated her hip. After a long hot shower she dressed and placed the bottle in her pocket.

She gave Mike a curious look from across the table. He has smiled at her all morning.

"Why are you so cheerful today?"

He shrugged as he took a drink of coffee. He was excited about Christmas morning; he prayed she would accept his proposal.

"I don't know; I guess I'm happy I'm on vacation. I get to spend an entire week alone with you in the most beautiful place I know. We'd better get this cleaned up so we can hit the road."

She flashed him a playful smile as he took her plate. She turned to face him at the sink.

"Hey, could you put the rest of the coffee in a thermos; I don't want it to go to waste."

E!

Mike pulled in a gas station so Jess could stretch her leg and he could refuel the truck. She grimaced as she slid off the seat unaware that he was watching her from inside the station.

_Jess, why didn't you tell me you're still hurting?_

He quickly paid the man and returned to the truck. He took her elbow as she passed him on her way inside.

"Jess, are feeling ok?"

She smiled weakly trying to hide the pain that radiated from her hip and down her leg.

"Yeah, babe, I'm ok; I just need something to drink other than coffee."

After paying the attendant for the Coke she carefully walked back to the truck. Jess whimpered as she stepped up over the running board. Apollo whined softly as she eased in the seat. She turned to make sure he wasn't watching as she pulled out the prescription bottle. Looking down she shook a single pill in her hand. She jumped when she heard his voice beside her.

"How many of those have you had today?" he asked his voice filled with concern.

"Just this one."

He held out his hand for the bottle and she reluctantly gave it to him. As he counted he shook the pills out of the bottle and in his hand one by one. Mike shook his head sadly as he realized she lied to him. He placed the pills back in the bottle and put them in his jacket pocket.

"Jess, you know I keep tabs on your meds; I know how many there are in each bottle. Last night there were sixteen pills in here; just now I counted thirteen. Baby that's three pills today. You haven't had that many since your first week home. Why didn't you tell me you were still in pain? We could have postponed the trip."

She wiped the tears from her eyes as she answered.

"Michael, I'm ok. I don't want to postpone the trip. I'm sure I will be better tomorrow. Please don't take me home."

He sighed as he placed the truck in gear.

"We won't go home as long as you promise to tell me if you get worse. We still have an hour and a half till we reach the farm; if you need to stop before then let me know. After we eat dinner tonight, I'll set up the whirlpool bath so you can soak and relax. I want you off that leg as much as possible tonight, understood?"

She nodded. "I promise. You know you have to help me in and out of that tub; I can't do it by myself."

He gave her a wide grin, "Yeah I know."

E!

"Wow! Look at all the snow!"

Jess squirmed excitedly in her seat as she gazed intently out the passenger window. Her breath caused a light fog to form over the truck's window. Taking a gloved hand she wiped it away in a circular pattern. Never in her life had she seen something so beautiful; briliant white concealed the mountain side. The sun glittered off the surface making them and the field of firs below sparkle like diamonds. Mike glanced over at her. Her face filled with wonder as she marveled like a child at the snow. _Well technically it is her first real snow; last year she only saw flurries. There was barely enough for Snow Fight._ Jess reached behind her and patted enthusiastically on his arm.

"Michael, look!"

He looked to where she was pointing; a herd of deer slowly made their way across the field leaving a trail of hoof prints behind them. The buck watched them cautiously with his tail raised. As the truck passed he and his family ran gracefully for the cover of the trees.

Mike turned down the long driveway leading to the main house. Uncle Mark waved from the field as they passed. He parked the truck in the front driveway. As he pulled her crutches out of the back, Aunt Clara leaned out the door and greeted them warmly. She wiped her hands on her apron as she stepped on the porch.

"Mike, Jesse! Give me a second and I will be right out."

He turned to the house and gave a wave.

"It's ok; there's no sense in you coming out in the cold. Jess and I will be in shortly."

He pulled the zipper up on her coat as he gave her a quick kiss. She placed her arm over his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her and carefully slid her off the seat.

"Be careful; it's slippery out here."

She grinned as she placed her crutches under her arms. She felt blessed to have such a caring and compassionate boyfriend. She cautiously took a small step, but her left foot slipped on the ice. She grimaced in pain as she grabbed Mike to keep herself from falling. He quickly placed an arm around her waist and supported her weight.

"Baby, are you all right?!"

She nodded quickly as her breathing returned to normal. She held tightly to the back of his denim jacket and rested heavily on him trying to regain her footing.

"Yeah, I just didn't see the ice. Moral of the story is ice and crutches don't mix. Thanks for catching me."

He hugged her tightly as he whispered, "That's what I'm here for. Let me pick up your crutches and we'll be on our way. Are you sure you're not hurt?"

"It hurts a little, but I'll be fine. I just need to be more careful walking around out here."

Inside the house Aunt Clara gave her a warm and cautious embrace.

"Jesse, it is so good to see you! How are you doing?"

Jess beamed as she took a seat at the long cedar table in the kitchen. Mike placed a hot cup of coffee in front of her, handed her a pain pill, and sat beside her. She wrapped her hands around the mug as she inhaled the wafting steam.

"Thanks, babe. Aunt Clara, I'm doing great! I just take life one day at a time and try to enjoy all I can."

Mike gave a soft smile; he loved the positive attitude she developed. She still had difficult days, but tried hard to handle them with optimism. He still couldn't believe the effect changing her medication had on her personality; she became a different person. The past week confirmed his decision to propose to her. This is the woman he wanted to spend his life with.

"I am so pleased to hear that. We worried about you after Mike called and told us about the accident. It makes my heart glad to have you here for Christmas. I'm sure you're hungry after such a long trip; dinner will be ready soon. I hope potato and ham soup is ok."

Mike headed to the stove for more coffee.

"That sounds great. I'll get Uncle Mark after I put our bags in the cabin."

E!

"Hey, that's not fair!" Jesse laughed as Mike pelted her with a snowball from behind a majestic fir.

"Well if you wouldn't walk so loud, you could get some in too!" he teased.

He was unaware that she was only a foot from him as he turned away to search for her. He leaned his chest against the tree and peered around it. She quietly pulled some snow off a low hanging branch and packed it tightly. Placing her left side against a nearby tree she reared back and launched the ball at an unsuspecting Mike. Jess laughed as the snow exploded on his shoulder sending pieces in his hair and down the back of his jacket.

Mike turned quickly around to see where it came from, but he couldn't see Jess anywhere. He quietly crouched down and moved forward searching carefully.

_She couldn't have gotten too far._

She let him search for a few moments before pelting him on the back again. He turned around quickly and saw her retreat to a hiding spot among a group of closely gathered trees. Covering her mouth with a gloved hand she tried to stifle a giggle. She was unaware that footprints marked her exact location. He gave a boyish grin when he saw her tracks in front of the trees.

_I've got you now, Jesse!_

He carefully moved to the side of the trees where she couldn't see him. As she moved out from behind them, he quickly wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tightly against him.

"Caught ya!" He whispered in her ear.

She pouted playfully as she turned to face him. Mike pressed his body against hers and held her softly by the hips against the tree. He knew she hurt lately and didn't want to aggravate it. He ran his fingers delicately down her cheek stopping at her bottom lip.

"Put that lip in. I have to admit that was pretty clever, sneaking up on me like that."

"Yeah?"

She pulled him nearer to her using the collar of his jacket. Her pulse increased when she felt his hands move from her hips to her back and down. Jess gently pulled away in surprise as she felt his facial hair softly brush her lips. The sensation was electrifying causing chills to run down her spine. She leaned in for more and the pair shared an intensely passionate kiss. Mike pulled her tighter against him as he tenderly nuzzled her neck. She shivered as he left a trail of delicate kisses down it.

Jess nestled her head against his chest and savored the moment. She enjoyed when he touched her affectionately. She longed for the day when they could resume physical intimacy.

"I love you, Michael." She said barely audible.

"I love you more."

He held her closely as the sky grew dim. Mike inhaled deeply as he placed the side of his face against hers. She giggled as his whiskers brushed against her.

"That tickles" she whispered.

"Sorry, baby, I didn't shave this morning."

She removed her glove and placed her hand softly against his cheek.

"That's ok, I like it."

He released her and knelt to pick up her crutches.

"It's almost dark. What do you say we head back to the cabin and make some dinner? Afterwards we can snuggle by the fireplace."

She playfully threw a handful of snow at him.

"Sure if you want to forfeit the fight!"

"I'm not forfeiting anything my lady. I'm postponing the fight till tomorrow afternoon."

E!

Later that night Jess lay asleep in his arms in front of a roaring fire. He looked down; the fire cast a beautiful glow over her face. He lightly ran his hand up and down her arm causing her to nestle deeper into his bare chest. She moaned softly as she settled. Tomorrow was Christmas day; he began to feel nervous.

_I hope you accept. I don't know if I can handle it if you don't._

E!

Mike rose early and snuck out of the bedroom. After taking a shower he checked on her to make sure she was still asleep. Last night she told him she was making breakfast; he didn't want to tell her otherwise so he stayed silent. He wanted to share a Stoker family tradition with her, pecan waffles topped with whipped cream and real maple syrup. He quietly closed the door and tiptoed down the hall to the kitchen.

Jesse woke to the smell of fresh coffee and sausage. She got out of bed and quietly made her way to the kitchen. She rested her crutches against the island then draped her arms around his waist. She leaned so she could see around him curious about what he was up to.

"I thought I was doing breakfast this morning."

"Nope it's Christmas day and I want to share a family tradition with you." He replied as he pulled a waffle off the iron.

She pulled a mug from the drain board and poured a cup of coffee. She placed her back against the counter then watched as he continued to prepare breakfast. After placing her hands around the mug she took a sip.

"Tradition is important to you isn't it?"

Mike nodded. "Yes, it's the best link to our past. Keeping tradition helps us keep memories of loved ones fresh. One day I'd like to keep some family traditions and start my own with my children."

_Start them with you and our children._

Jess stood silently as she contemplated her family traditions. Her family mainly celebrated Christmas Eve. Her mother always made venison stew for dinner and later everyone exchanged gifts. When she spent Christmas with Brandon's family they attended midnight mass, and had a huge dinner with extended family the next day.

"Jess, breakfast is almost ready. Hey I have an idea how about after eating we take a walk around the lake? Uncle Mark cleared the path this fall."

"Sounds good, I've wanted to do that."

E!

They walked leisurely down the narrow path that wound its way through the cedars and around the lake. Sunlight filtered through the trees illuminating the snow covered path. Since he couldn't hold her hand Mike placed his on the small of her back. Holding hands was one thing he missed. He drew a map mentally in his mind of the path around the lake; they were almost halfway to the perfect spot for his proposal. It was directly opposite of the cabin offering a spectacular view. Jess stopped and faced the lake. He worried she was pushing herself too hard; she was never one to admit being in pain.

"You ok, baby?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to enjoy the deer. They're so beautiful." She replied as she pointed across the lake.

He placed an arm around her shoulder and relaxed. Together they watched as the four deer made their way up a wide path and in the snow laced trees. She gently blew her last breath out and briskly rubbed her gloved hands together. She giggled as her breath turned to fog. Mike pulled up the zipper on her jacket and checked her scarf.

"Are you cold?"

"A little, but its ok. I'm enjoying being out here with you."

"It's not too much further till we reach halfway. If I remember correctly there is a large log we can take a break on and enjoy the view of the cabin."

E!

"Beautiful!" Jess whispered as she looked across the lake to the cabin.

It sat nestled against a large incline, its log siding a stark contrast to the snow. The lake held a perfect reflection of both the cabin and the mountains behind it. To the left she could barely make out the perfect lines of tress at the farm. Mike reached inside his jacket and pulled out the small blue velvet box. He took a deep breath trying to calm his nerves. His heart beat quickly in his chest.

"Jesse?"

As she turned to face him Mike knelt on one knee. Tears filled her eyes as he opened the box in his hand.

"Jesse Lynn Johnson will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?


	24. Chapter 24

_A/N: Sorry to cliffhang the last chapter. Sometimes I like to throw in some suspense. It helps keep things interesting. Thanks for the continued support! _

Ch. 24

John seemed distracted as he checked the equipment on the squad. Roy began to feel annoyed; his partner was extremely quiet all morning. Which only meant one thing, he was about to go on a tangent about some off the wall thing that only mattered to him. He looked over to the younger paramedic who had his head down over the drug box. Roy rolled his eyes.

"So, John is there something wrong with that bag of Ringer's? You've stared at it for the past five minutes."

John glanced up quickly in surprise.

"Uh, um, no, no Roy it's fine."

Roy leaned on the rear compartment door of the squad with one hand on his hip. He looked down to his friend.

"You want to tell me what's got you so distracted this morning?" He asked hesitantly.

John slowly stood as he pointed a thumb toward the day room. He leaned at the hip so he was closer to Roy.

"Do you think Jess accepted, you know, Mike's proposal? He's awfully quiet this morning. I mean quiet for him." John whispered loudly.

Roy shrugged.

_So that's it; he's curious about Mike and Jess. Mike does seem down for someone who might be getting married._

"I don't know John. Why don't you go and ask him; instead of driving me nuts about it?"

John leaned his back against the squad and crossed his arms. He really wanted to know, but didn't want to add to Mike's grief if she had turned him down. He turned to look inside the day room. Mike had his head down over his cup of coffee. John sighed as he went inside the room.

He poured a cup of coffee even though he didn't want any, and sat carefully at the table next to his friend. Mike didn't acknowledge his presence; he just kept running his index finger around the rim of his mug. John was unsure how to approach the subject.

"Hey, uh, Mike?"

Mike slowly looked up; his face was sad and distraught. John's heart sank.

_She rejected you? Why? You've been through so much together._

Captain Stanley entered the room carrying a large stack of papers. He set them on the edge of the table as he headed to the stove. After pouring a cup of fresh coffee he joined them. Cap was about to ask how things went with Jess, but stopped as he saw Mike's dejected look. John cautiously leaned toward Mike.

"Mike, don't tell me she said no." John questioned with sadness filling his voice.

Cap placed a soft hand on his second in commands shoulder and squeezed lightly.

"Maybe she's not ready, Pal."

Mike took a long drink of the now cold coffee. He placed the mug back on the table as a wide boyish grin covered his face.

"Actually she said yes!" he replied sheepishly.

Cap playfully shoved him away as John slapped the table in disbelief. Mike just pranked them.

"Mike, you really had us going! I knew she couldn't have turned you down! Congratulations, man!"

Cap shook Mike's hand firmly.

"Congrats, Mike! I'm happy for both of you. So when's the big day, Pal?"

"July fourteenth."

John gave him a shocked look as he remembered the day; remembered pulling her limp body from the collapsed stairwell and breathing for her till they made it to the squad. She almost died; he defibrillated her twice in route. He pointed two fingers down on the table.

"Mike! That's…that's the date she…"

Mike nodded; he remembered that night well. He almost lost her forever.

"Yeah John, July fourteenth, that's the night I realized I couldn't live without her. That's the night I promised if she lived I would never leave her side. I want to change the date into something celebrated instead of dwelling on the fact she lost the job she loved."

Cap smiled.

"Sounds good Mike, I'll make sure we are available to attend."

"We are; I checked the schedule C-shift is on duty that day. It worked out perfectly."

E!

"Hey Johnny, its Jess."

John shifted uncomfortably on the couch; Jess never called him. He wondered if something happened between her and Mike or worse he wasn't home and something happened to her. His mind flashed images of her lying on the floor in pain. He ran a hand through his hair as he stretched the phone cord into the kitchen. He began preparations for a trip to Mike's house in case she needed help.

"Hey, what's up? Is everything ok?"

Jess laughed on the other end. She forgot that he'd go into full paramedic mode when she called.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be? I'm calling because I have a favor to ask you."

John breathed a sigh of relief; Jess wasn't hurt. He placed the keys to the Rover back on the counter and returned to the comfort of the oversized sofa.

"Yeah, Jess anything. You name it."

"Well let me ask before you agree. It may be something you don't want to do."

"Ooookaaayy. What is it?" He inquired puzzled.

She laughed at his apprehensiveness.

"It's nothing bad. Would you walk me down the aisle at my wedding? I consider you a good friend and would like for you to."

John smiled; he was surprised she asked him. He knew her father and brother were gone, but was unaware that there was no one else. He shifted the phone to the other side and held it with his shoulder.

"Jesse, I would be honored to."

"Great! Thank you so much!"

John could hear a smile in her voice. He was glad that she was doing so much better.

"No problem. I'm honored you asked me."

Jess hung up the phone as she turned on the dryer. Mike walked in the laundry room and leaned against the dryer with his arms crossed.

"Who was that?"

Jess leaned heavily on her crutches; her leg had bothered her all morning. She was trying her best to avoid Mike and his overprotective nature. She kept busy doing small chores around the house, and made excuses to leave when he entered the room. She started her journey to the kitchen to start prep work for dinner.

"Just John; I asked him a favor."

Mike put his arm against the doorway blocking her path. She was being secretive again and he didn't like it.

"What kind of favor?"

"Nothing, I just asked him to escort me down the aisle at our wedding. That's all."

She pushed at him arm, but he remained.

"Jess, you've avoided me all morning. What is going on? Do I do something to upset you?"

She shook her head hard.

"I'm not mad or upset at you; I just have a lot of work to do."

Mike sighed as he lowered his arm. She was still avoiding his first question. She walked past him slowly as she entered the kitchen. He watched her enjoying her backside. His eyes moved lower and his heart sank as he noticed she wasn't putting any weight on her leg.

_That's why she's avoiding me. She doesn't want me to know she hurts._

Mike followed her to the counter; he watched quietly as she chopped onions. He gently took her elbow attempting to turn her to him.

"Jess, are you in pain?"

She shook her head as she continued to chop.

"Baby, don't lie to me! I just watched you walk across this floor! You didn't put any weight at all on that leg. What happened?"

She turned to him with tears running down her cheeks.

"I fell. Ok?! I fell!"

He tenderly wiped the tears from her face.

"Jess, how? When and how did you fall?"

Jess turned her face away from him. It was to be a surprise, but now it was ruined.

"Yesterday while you were at work, I was trying to walk unassisted. I took a few steps before my leg gave way; I fell into the coffee table." She answered quietly.

Mike took her face in his hands and noticed she was warm to the touch.

_So that's what happened to the coffee table._

"Why did you do that?"

"I didn't want to use these on our wedding day", she replied as she shook her crutches in anger.

He inhaled deeply understanding her wish to be a 'normal' bride. He placed his arms around her and rested his head on top of hers. Jess tried so hard to stay strong, but some days were harder than others.

"I know you don't want to, baby; I don't see how you can do that. I wish there was a way. Have a seat on the couch and let me take a look."

Jess sighed loudly as she headed to the living room. At the couch she tried to remove her jeans so he could inspect the damage. Mike reached out and caught her as she lost her balance; the crutches clattered loudly against the hardwood floor. She leaned heavily against him as he helped her lower her jeans to where they sat just below the knee. She hated feeling this way. She hasn't needed help like this in months. She whimpered loudly as he eased her to the couch. Again he noticed she felt hot.

He went to the bathroom and retrieved the thermometer. He became worried; pain and fever meant only one thing, infection. He tried hard to keep the worry from showing on his face as he placed the thermometer under her tongue. He gently palpitated her leg. She winced as he pressed her hip joint and again just above the knee. Mike's face became distraught when he checked her temperature, 103.2.

"I do believe we need to head over to Rampart and have you checked out."

She slowly sadly knowing if she didn't go willingly he'd force her. So it was better just to comply.

E!

Dr. Brackett entered treatment one shaking his head; in his hand he held Jesse's latest x-rays. Jess read his body language clearly, something was wrong. She looked with fear to her best friend and lover. He squeezed her tenderly as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"Doc, what's wrong?"

Brackett forcefully placed the films in the light box. Seeing the dislocation in her hip she gasped loudly. Mike held her tighter as she began to tremble. Concern and worry filled his face as he moved to the box. There was no question her hip was dislocated.

His thoughts wandered to the night before last. Jess saw Dr. Nelson that day and boldly asked him when they could engage in sex. The doctor laughed and said it shouldn't be a problem as long as they were careful and supported her pelvis with pillows. He thought he'd been careful, but now wondered if he caused this. He rubbed the back of his neck trying to decide how to approach the matter.

"Doc, did I do this?"

Brackett gave him a confused look as he removed the films. A red flag went up in the back of his mind. Surely Mike wouldn't hurt her, but he has been under a lot of stress.

"I'm afraid I don't understand. You didn't push her into the coffee table, did you?"

Mike held up his hands defensively. He was deeply offended that Brackett would ever think he'd harm the woman he loved. Yeah he got stressed out, but never in his life would he take it out on her.

"NO! No Doc, I would never hurt her on purpose. It's just…we…uh…we had sex for the first time since the accident Tuesday; you know to celebrate our engagement. I thought I'd been careful, but…"

Brackett chuckled.

"I don't think _you_ caused the dislocation; it was a combination of the infection in her femur and the fall in the coffee table. I didn't know you were getting married; when did this happen?"

Jess shifted on the bed trying to ease the pain.

"He asked on Christmas day. Now Doc, when can we set this so I can go home?"

Brackett stood next to the gurney as he made a few notations in the clipboard.

"Jess you are not going home today; I want to keep you a few days for IV antibiotics. When you do get home I want you on full bed rest for at least a week."

Discouraged, Mike ran a hand through his sandy hair. Between other hospital stays and Christmas he didn't have any vacation days left, but he couldn't leave her alone. Jess sensed his uneasiness and gently placed her hand on his arm.

"You don't have to stay tomorrow; I will be ok. I promise to behave myself on days you have to work too; just leave me a few drinks and the makings for PB&J by the bed."

Brackett motioned for Mike to follow him as the nurse entered. Jess gave her a dirty look as she held up the too familiar hospital gown.

Mike followed Brackett to Dixie's desk; he was confused about why he wanted to talk with him privately. He cocked his hip as he leaned against the tall counter.

"What is going on, Doc? She's been in pain for weeks; there has to be a reason."

Brackett inhaled sharply as he placed her chart in the metal rack on the table. He wasn't pleased with the level of care Dr. Nelson provided.

"Mike, I'm concerned about how many infections she's had in that leg. This one makes five. Her x-rays are showing signs that the bone is not healing. I'd like to keep her at least a week to runs some tests and refer her to Dr. Roberts. He's the head of orthopedics and one of the best in the county."

Mike felt as if a ton of bricks just landed on his shoulders. He hated seeing her this way. It was as if the odds were always against her. Just when she seemed to be getting better something like this happens.

"Doc, what do I need to do? How do we get it to heal? Damn it I'm tired of this! I am tired of seeing her suffer!"

Brackett placed his hand softly on Mike's shoulder. He understood to well the stress that comes with caring for a loved one.

"Mike, I don't have all the answers; that's why I'm referring to Dr. Roberts. I promise you everything is being done with Jesse's best interest in mind."

E!

Mike absent-mindedly polished the engine. Jess would be coming home tomorrow after six long days at Hotel Rampart; he still hadn't figured out how to take care of her. Going without pay was defiantly not an option, but leaving her alone wasn't either. He wanted to go with her to the appointment Dr. Roberts scheduled. He forcefully blew his last breath out as he rubbed the door harder.

Captain Stanley watched his engineer's silent struggle from behind the squad. He knew Jess was back in the hospital and he knew Mike was out of vacation time. He made sure that Mike was thoroughly involved in polishing the engine before returning to the day room. Four sets of eyes followed him in. He looked to the four men gathered around the table. He sat on the corner and rubbed his tired eyes.

"Well as all of you know Jess has been in the hospital the past week. From what I could gather from Mike, her bones aren't healing like they should."

Chet stared at his captain; his blue eyes filled with concern.

"Is that why she's still in pain?"

Cap nodded sadly. "Mike really needs to be home and attend her upcoming appointments, but he's out of vacation time…"

"Cap, I'll give Mike the rest of my vacation if it will help. I have to use it by the end of March anyway or I lose it." John offered.

Chet held up his hand. "He can have mine too; I only have two days left. I get more in May."

"I have a couple of days too. Joann already told me to give it to him; besides my hire date is at the end of this month." Roy stated as he sat on the edge of the table with a cup of fresh coffee in hand.

"I have three I can give. So let's see Gage if I remember correctly you had three left, plus Chet and Roy's two, and my three. That makes ten days. Are you guys sure you want to do this? I understand if you have something to do with them."

Cap surveyed his team carefully searching for anything that would hint a change of mind. Chet held up his hand.

"Hey Cap, what about Ben?"

The crew rolled their eyes; Ben would never give anything to anybody especially to a sister he never met. Cap furrowed his thick eyebrows as he gave Chet a stern look.

"You twit! You know he won't, so why did you ask?"

"Who won't what?" Mike's voice came from the doorway causing everyone to jump like kids caught with their hands in a cookie jar.

He needed a cup of coffee and was surprised to see Cap called a meeting without him. He pulled out a clean mug from the drain board. As he poured the rich black coffee in his mug, Cap asked him to join the team at the table. Mike studied his team mates intently; they were up to something. Captain Stanley reclined in his seat.

"Michael, I or we rather know that Jess landed in Rampart a few days ago and will be on strict bed rest when she gets home tomorrow. This means you're needed at home to help her get better."

Mike blew his breath out loudly as he hung his head over the steaming cup. That had been on his mind all morning.

"Cap, I know that, but now I can't afford to be without pay…"

Cap signaled for Mike to stop by tapping the table top. Worry filled Mike's face as he turned his blue eyes to meet Cap's green ones.

"I understand that Mike, that's why we unanimously decided to give our vacation time to you."

Mike roughly pushed away from the table as he stood. He placed his hands on his hips as he gazed at the floor.

"I can't ask you to do that…"

John placed a hand on Mike's shoulder.

"You didn't ask; we want you to have it. We all agreed that you need to be home with her. So you're taking it whether you like it or not."

Cap clapped his hands loudly as he stood to face his second in command.

"Pal, I think you better take it or else you'll have the family mad at you. I'll call headquarters and take care of it. We will see you Saturday the 20th unless you call and let me know otherwise."

"Guys, that's five shifts are you sure?"

Four men stood steadfast.

"YES!"

E!

Jesse sat in bed supported by more pillows than she could count. Tears flowed unrestricted down her cheeks and on the navy blue comforter as she quietly sobbed. She loathed having to be dependent on Mike for almost everything. It's been six months since the accident and she felt little progress was made. She wanted out of bed and back to a normal routine.

Holding a sandwich and Coke, Mike froze in the doorway. He quietly placed them on the bedside table as he eased himself in bed beside her. She quickly wiped the tears from her face and eyes. He gently pulled her hands from her face.

"Jess, are you in pain?"

She sat quietly staring at the light blue swirls on the comforter.

"Baby, what's wrong? Please talk to me." He pleaded.

She turned her slate blue eyes to him. She tried hard to hide the emotional pain she was feeling, but her eyes gave her away. He caressed her cheek as she returned her gaze to the bed.

"I…I feel…I feel useless, like I'm…I'm a burden. Michael you've had to miss so much work to care for me…"

Mike gently but firmly took her face in his hands.

"Jesse Lynn, look at me! Look at me!"

She slowly looked into his brilliant blue eyes. The room around her seemed to disappear as she glared at him. His eyes sparkled with a hint of anger. Anger directed at the situation he found himself in. He failed to understand why she could grasp the concept of true love.

"You are NOT a burden! If I thought you were I would have left you right after the accident. I choose to be here because I love you with every fiber of my being. Nothing is going to change that. As far as work goes don't worry about it; that's my concern. Jess, don't ever think that you are a burden to me, because you're not. I do what I do out of love."

Jess sniffed quietly trying to understand how he could love someone like her. His unfailing love and dedication baffled her.


	25. Chapter 25

Ch. 25

Jess waited till she heard his truck start before easing out of bed. Tired of being trapped inside, she cautiously headed out to her truck. She retrieved the lounge chair from the garage and placed it in the bed being careful to keep weight off her leg. She slowly climbed in the cab of the truck thankful it was her left leg that was messed up and not her right. Tomorrow was the appointment with Dr. Roberts; she needed to relax her worried mind. What better place than the beach? Since Mike wouldn't take her, she decided to take herself.

Breathing a sigh of contentment she lay back against the neon green chair and basked in the warm sun. Jess knew Mike would scold her for leaving the confines of the bed, but she didn't care. Sunshine always lifted her spirits; it was as if its beams penetrated deep in her soul chasing away the darkness. At sixty-eight degrees it was warm for January; that was the beauty of living in southern California. While the rest of the country battled freezing temperatures, LA basked in sunshine and warm weather. Watching the waves crash on the tan sand, she gazed out across the vast ocean. She closed her eyes as she enjoyed the sounds of waves and seagulls. The warmth of the sun lulled her to a peaceful sleep.

E!

Mike arrived home an hour after he left; sacks of groceries filled his arms. He planned a surprise for dinner, something he hadn't made in a long time, spaghetti. It was one of Jesse's favorite dishes. He set the bags on the kitchen table as he called out.

"Jess, I'm home! Do you need anything?"

When he received no answer he headed down the dark hall puzzled.

_Maybe she's asleep or maybe she's still mad at me._

Seeing the empty bed caused his heart to race. He frantically checked every room in the house as he yelled for her to answer. He became extremely panicked as he realized she wasn't in the house. He opened the door to the garage and his heart stopped; her truck was gone! He sprinted to the living room and quickly dialed John's number thinking she'd gone there. The phone rang for an eternity before John answered groggily.

"H-h-hello?"

"John, its Mike, I'm not interrupting anything am I?"

Hearing the panic in Mike's voice caused his eyes to fly open as he jumped out of bed. He quickly pulled on his jeans.

"No, it's just me here. Mike what's wrong? Is Jess ok? Are you ok?"

He could hear the anxiety in Mike's voice increasing as he pulled on a shirt. Something was wrong; never had he heard Mike so panicked.

"She…she's gone! Shit, I left for only an hour. I…I come home and she's gone!"

"Mike, calm down, have you checked on the patio? You know she loves to sit out there." John said using the same voice he used to calm distraught patients.

Mike only became more distraught. He ran his hand through his hair and down the side of his face.

"Fuck John, I've checked everywhere. She's not here, her truck is gone!"

"Ok, Mike, I'm sure she's fine. I'm on my way; call the guys have them meet at your house. Don't worry we'll find her."

E!

John scratched his chest with his middle finger as he looked with concern to Mike. "Can you think of anywhere she'd go, a favorite spot, a friend's house, anything?"

Sitting at the kitchen table, Mike placed his head in his hands. Shaking his head he answered," No, you guys are the only friends she has, and it's obvious she's not with you."

Cap moved from leaning against the refrigerator. He knew the couple was under a lot of stress.

"Pal, did you two have a fight?"

Mike ran a hand down his face. They had a slight disagreement that morning and there was the episode earlier in the week. Jess was tired of being in bed and still felt she was a burden to him. He tried to explain to her it wouldn't be much longer, but she kicked him out of the room. So he went to the supermarket to calm down and pick up the necessary items. He wasn't gone long; the longest part was waiting at the pharmacy for her medication.

"I wouldn't call it a fight; it was more like a disagreement. I caught her this morning walking down the hallway; she wanted to have breakfast at the table. I asked her to return to bed, she reluctantly obeyed, and proceeded to kicked me out of the room."

He scanned the room looking for any clue to her whereabouts. Pictures of them covered the wall; his eyes stopped on one of them at the beach. It was his favorite by far. The two of them stood silhouetted against the setting sun locked in a sweet kiss. The sun glinted off the tops of the waves casting a romantic glow. He didn't know the picture existed till he had the roll developed. Apparently some kid took the picture when they weren't paying attention. He remembered that day well. They went to Malibu to celebrate their six month anniversary. They spent two passion filled nights. She loved every minute of the time she spent there. He promised to bring her back, but life happened.

"The beach!"

John leaned against the counter on his forearms. He feared Mike just lost his mind.

"Ooookaaay, what does the beach have to do with Jess running off?"

Mike quickly gathered his keys and a blanket off the couch. He ran for the door.

"The beach, she loves it there. That's where she likes to go to unwind."

E!

John rode with Mike to Malibu fearing Mike would be too rough on Jess. Mike pointed across the empty parking area to Jess's blue Chevrolet.

"She's here." He stated exasperated.

He pulled his truck next to hers and opened the door roughly. He was angry that Jess would risk hurting herself just to get out of the house. John grabbed the back of his shirt preventing him from exiting.

"Hey, take it easy on her ok. She just wanted out of the house; she's going stir crazy."

Mike and John found her asleep in the familiar neon green lounge chair. Mike crouched down next to her and gently stroked her cheek. She moaned softly as she stirred.

"Jesse, baby, wake up."

Cap ran to them breathless, stopping short on the loose sand.

"She ok?"

John waved his hand as he took her pulse and respirations.

"Yeah, Cap, pulse and respirations are normal. I believe the warmth of the sun caused her to fall asleep. I understand why she came here; it's a beautiful place to relax."

Jesse's eyes fluttered open; she was curious who woke her from her peaceful slumber. She pulled back startled at the sight of her brothers and Mike.

"What's wrong?"

Mike wrapped the blanket around her. "You scared me half to death that's what. Jess, we've looked everywhere for you. Why did you leave?"

"Michael, I'm tired of being stuck in the house confined to bed. I wanted some fresh air and sunshine. You wouldn't bring me so I brought myself."

He sighed loudly; sometimes Jess was too much of a free spirit for his liking. He placed her arm around his neck and carefully picked her up. She laid against him as he headed to his truck knowing she was in big trouble when they got home. John and Cap gathered the items left on the sand and carried them to the truck.

As Mike placed her in the cab Cap placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'll take her truck back to the house. John said he'd drive you two home."

E!

The couple waited nervously in an uncomfortably small exam room for Dr. Roberts. Jess had many tests during her stay a week ago and was anxious about the results. Her eyes studied the bright photographs of flowers that hung on the wall across from her as she picked at her nails. Mike sensed her increasing anxiety and wrapped his arm securely around her. She snuggled against him.

"Baby, everything will be fine." He whispered in her ear as the dark door opened.

Dr. Roberts greeted them with a warm smile as he held out his hand. Mike shook it firmly as he introduced himself and Jess. Dr. Roberts was older than Dr. Nelson which offered Mike some comfort. The doctor slowly lowered himself on the nearby stool as he spread Jesse's file across the table. He adjusted his glasses as he studied his notes. He held one of the x-ray films to the light; his face turned grim as he studied the various shadows. After a few moments he pulled his glasses off and addressed the worried couple in front of him.

"I understand you two are anxious to hear the results of the testing I did while you were in the hospital. So I'll get down to the nitty-gritty as my father used to say."

Jesse adjusted her seating to relieve some pressure on her hip. She gave Mike a worried look causing him to hold her a little tighter.

"First of all, I want to apologize for the level of care you received from Dr. Nelson. There's no excuse for his negligence. What I've discovered should have been handled months ago. Now down to business; I won't give you a whole bunch of medical dictionary mumbo jumbo. Sometimes even I get confused by it. Jesse the tests show that your body is rejecting the cobalt-chromium-alloy rod used in repairing the fracture in your femur. It's rare; I've only seen one other patient reject an implant…"

Mike leaned forward. "Ok, so what's the next course of action? I mean is there an alternative?"

The possibility of losing her leg crossed her already stressed mind; Jesse's eyes filled with tears. She tried to wipe them away as they broke free and ran down her cheeks.

"Doc, am I going to lose my leg?!"

Dr. Roberts shook his head.

"Let's not jump to conclusions! There is something I'd like to try before we do something that drastic. What I would like to do is take her back into surgery, remove the current rod and replace it with one made of stainless steel. In addition to the rod I'd like to add a plate and screws along the main fracture. It's a tricky procedure given the amount of damage the current rod caused, but I believe that she will keep her leg. Don't worry we will do everything possible to avoid amputation. One thing to keep in mind though, I can't promise she will have the same amount of mobility she did before the damage of rejection occurred. Some days will be better than others, but the pain you experience will be drastically reduced."

Jess sank back in her chair as relief flooded her. _There's hope! _Rolling her eyes she turned her attention to the elderly doctor sitting in front of her.

"So basically I'm stuck using these damn crutches for the rest of my life. When am I having surgery and will I be recovered enough for my wedding in July?"

Dr. Roberts flipped through the pages of her chart. He nodded his head as he made notations. Tapping his red pen against the table he turned to them.

"Your blood work shows the infection is gone. So how does tomorrow sound; will that give you enough time to take care of things?"

Mike was surprised that she would be going in so soon.

"Yeah, I'll have her here tomorrow. What time?" Mike asked as he leaned toward the doctor.

"Be in orthopedics at six in the morning, you'll need to stop by admitting to fill out the forms so arrive earlier. Jess, if everything goes well you will be ready for that wedding. We will do another round of physical therapy to see if we can undo some of the muscle atrophy, but like I mentioned before don't set your hopes too high. Once again I am sorry this wasn't caught sooner; if it had you'd been saved a lot of pain."

Mike stood and shook the doctor's hand. He loathed having to go through this again, but maybe with Jess's different attitude things will go better. He hoped that amputation would not be necessary. He helped Jess to her feet and handed her crutches to her. He studied her face; despite the news she seemed in good spirits.

As he helped her in the truck she grabbed his jacket to keep him from leaving. Thinking she was in pain he pulled the prescription bottle from his pocket.

"Michael, I don't need that. Is A-shift on today? I'd like to visit if they are."

He gave her a wide smile; it was the first time she asked to visit the station.

"Yeah, we can swing by, but we can't stay long. You're still under bed rest."

E!

Hearing John and Chet's bickering caused her to smile as she made her way slowly to the day room. She paused at the freshly polished engine; she hadn't seen it since the night of the accident. Fearing she would break down he started to deter her. Feeling a soft hand on his shoulder caused him to jump in surprise.

"Leave her be; she needs to make peace with it." Cap whispered.

Mike slowly nodded as he crossed his arms. Her coming to the station was long overdue. He watched as she lightly ran her hand down the side stopping when she reached her former seat. Tears filled her eyes as the events of that night flooded her mind.

_She nodded and prepared to enter the last apartment. Taking her foot she tapped hard on the floor; it felt solid. She braced herself for the power of the nozzle as she gave him a quick nod signaling she was ready._

"_Ok Chet open it."_

_Her eyes grew wide as she felt the floor shift. _

"_Chet, watch it!" She yelled._

_Everything happened in slow motion. Chet opened the apartment door just as Jesse shoved him back to the south end of the hallway. Flames and embers exploded out of the apartment knocking her in the stairwell. She tumbled head over feet down the stairs. She hit her head and back hard against the wall at the bottom. The air tank drove hard into her back knocking the air from her lungs. She gasped for breath as she fell to one side. Her vision became blurry. Debris and embers rained on her as her sight went from grey to black._

Jesse leaned on her arm against the side of the Ward. Tears spotted the floor as she grieved the loss of a job she loved with a passion.

When Chet and John heard sobbing coming from the apparatus bay they came bolting out of the day room. Captain Stanley caught them using his forearm. The four men stood silently watching Jesse. Each of them wanted desperately to comfort her.

"Hey Cap what's going on?" Chet asked with worry covering his face.

"Jesse is finally making peace."

After several minutes Jess stood, wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her light grey shirt, and walked to the day room. Peace was made; the bitterness left her body via the tears that covered the bay floor. She stopped by Chet; reaching out with one arm she took him in an embrace. Unsure what to do Chet stood stunned and rigid.

"I'm glad you're ok" she whispered as she released him.

She turned to the men standing with her in the bay.

"What's for lunch? I'm starved!" she stated as she flashed a smile.

Mike shook his head. "That's my girl always hungry. John are you sure she's not related to you?"

John held up his hands. "I'm positive, but I agree. When's lunch?"

E!

Mike sat anxiously in the waiting room of Rampart. He wrung his hands as he shook his leg uncontrollably. It was a bad habit that only reared its head when he was extremely stressed. Jess went to surgery a little over an hour ago, an hour that passed slower that molasses on a cold winter's day. He stood and began to pace the floor.

"Hey, man, you're going to wear out the floor if you keep doing that." John said as he approached.

Mike looked up in surprise.

"You don't have to come. I'm sure you have other things to do."

Chet and Cap joined them.

"Nope, Pal my wife insisted I be here. Chet here well, let's just say he's developed a soft spot for Jess."

John sat in a hard plastic chair. "How long has she been in?"

Mike placed his hands on his hips. "A little over an hour, Doc said that it could take up to three or four depending on what he has to do."

Cap nodded as he lowered his tall frame in a chair beside John. Chet joined Mike in pacing the floor. Slowly the hours passed as they waited for word on Jess.

E!

When he saw Dr. Roberts, Mike stood quickly. Dr. Roberts removed his green scrub hat as he approached the trio. His scrubs sweat soaked his scrubs and he looked extremely tired.

"Doc, how is she?" Mike asked anxiously.

"She's in recovery; we are easing her off the anesthesia. You'll be able to visit her soon. The surgery went well; I was able to replace the femoral rod with few complications. I did have to add a couple of plates to stabilize the main fracture. I did notice a significant amount of damage to the ball of the femur; it's probably caused by arthritis. There's not much I can do for that, but I will prescribe an anti-inflammatory to reduce her pain; I'd like to keep her on tramadol as well."

Mike rubbed the back of his neck as he processed the information. He wondered if she'd regain her previous mobility.

"So, Doc, how much will her mobility be affected? Will she still have to use the crutches?"

Dr. Roberts nodded, "I am afraid they will be a part of her life from now on. Physical therapy, as you know, will help strengthen her muscles, but she sustained a lot of damage from the failed rod. I'm sure she will adjust fine; she seems like a headstrong woman. Would you like to see her? I am afraid your friends will have to wait until she's settled in a room."

Cap stood as he motioned for John and Chet to follow him.

"No problem, we will go get something to eat. Mike, Pal, can I bring you anything?"

"Yeah, I am a little hungry; just bring me whatever. Thanks for waiting with me."

John gave Mike a brotherly hug. "Hey, that's what family's for. Tell Jess she's going to have a party when she gets settled."

E!

Jess rubbed her eyes attempting to shake the effects of the anesthesia. She glanced around the room and smiled when her eyes landed on the man she loved.

"Hey, there's my favorite engineer."

"I'd better be!" He replied as he gently swept the bangs from her face. "How do you feel?"

She sat up a little taller as she stretched her arms out. She was happy to see that her leg was still there. She carefully pulled at the bandages that ran from her hip down to her knee. Mike slapped her hand.

"Leave those alone. They are there for a reason."

She scowled at him; she was only curious. She playfully shoved him.

"I'm still sleepy. I am extremely glad to see a certain appendage is still attached. I can't wait to start therapy and get the hell out of here!"

Mike held her hand tenderly. He didn't want to crush her spirit, but she had a right to know about the arthritis that set in.

"Baby, I don't know how to say this, so I will just say it. Do you remember Dr. Nelson talking about arthritis setting in?"

She nodded slowly; she didn't like where this was going.

"Well, Jess, Dr. Roberts discovered some significant damage to the ball part of your hip. Unfortunately there's nothing he can do now to repair it; so he's giving you an anti-inflammatory and some tramadol to make you more comfortable."

Jess crossed her arms angrily across her chest.

"Damn it! Michael, I'm not going down without a fight. I'm tired of this dictating what I can and cannot do! What about hip replacement?"

He sat in silence; he didn't know whether to admire her new tenacity or remind her to not get her hopes up. He'd asked the same question. Dr. Roberts stated it was now not an option. He decided on the truth.

"Jess, I'm proud of you for not giving up, but please, baby, don't set your hopes too high. Hip replacement may or may not be an option. Let's take it one step at a time, ok?"

She picked at the hem of the white sheet covering her. She knew he was right, but she was tired of being defined by her disability.

"Fine, one step at a time, but know this I'm working my ass off in therapy."

Mike gave a wide smile as he wrapped his arms around her.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."


	26. Chapter 26

Ch. 26

Jesse sat at the kitchen table looking over a bridal catalog. Bright sunlight filtered through the kitchen window casting a warm glow across her and the table. She absent-mindedly rubbed her hand up and down her thigh as she inspected each dress. The wedding was 20 weeks away and she still hadn't found a dress she liked. She sighed as she shoved it across the table. Rising slowly she used the table for support. The pain was almost nonexistent, but stiffness presented a problem. She stretched her leg as she placed the crutches under her arm. It was almost time for therapy and Mike was nowhere to be found.

She headed down the narrow hall way to their bedroom. She quietly pushed the door open. Mike stood in front of the full length mirror wearing his department dress uniform. Jess gave a sultry smile as she looked him up and down; she loved his new ripped body.

"Damn, Michael! I never thought a dress uniform could look so good, especially stretched tightly over your cute ass. Mmmm, I can't wait to enjoy you in bed again." Jess whispered as she ran her hand softly across his butt.

His cheeks turned a bright shade of red as he turned to face her. He still felt awkward hearing Jess's often sexual comments on his physique. He tried telling himself that she did have a right to enjoy his body; he enjoyed hers, so it was only fair. Besides she never made those kinds of comments in public; she kept them for the privacy of their home. Although John did accidentally hear one of her more perverse ones when the crew was over for a barbeque. John quietly ribbed him about it for weeks.

"So what's the occasion? You never wear your dress uniform unless something very important is happening."

He took her in his arms and held her tightly.

"I'm not one for tuxedos, so I was thinking of wearing it for our wedding. It looks like I need to take it in for alteration; my apparently cute ass is a little too big and my waist is a little too small. Speaking of attire have you found your dress yet?"

"Nope, I can't seem to find one that's not a mile long in the back." She replied as she untucked his bright white shirt and ran her hands up his chest. She gave a playful smile as her fingers traced the outline of his taunt abs.

Mike shivered at her delicate touch. As he enjoyed her tender caresses he closed his eyes attempting to control the warmth that ran through his body. Hearing the zipper on his pants caused his breathing to become erratic; he desired her. He reluctantly grabbed her hands before she could go any further.

"Jesse." He breathed. "Baby, we have to wait; I don't want to hurt you."

Feeling like he just rejected her, she pulled away from him and sat on the bed. Trying to figure out how to comfort her he sat next to her. He cringed seeing the hurt on her face.

"Baby, I'll ask again today. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. Jess I miss being with you too, but I don't want to hurt you. Your recovery is going well and I don't want to mess that up. I promise I'll make it up to you; just be patient."

She nodded sadly as she left her seat on the bed. Watching his fiancé return slowly to the living room caused his heart to ache. Though she made excellent progress in therapy, her mobility was still limited. How he wished he could turn back time and change what happened to her almost a year ago.

E!

Four weeks later Jesse sat alone in a small exam room studying the various items on the wall. As she sat on the cold exam table, she felt guilty about being glad Mike was at work. She had a question she didn't feel comfortable asking in front of him; it was about something that both valued. As Dr. Roberts shuffled in he gave her a warm smile.

"Jess, where's your companion?"

She shrugged," He had to work today, so it's just me."

He pulled up the small roll around stool and palpitated her leg gently causing her to shift uncomfortably.

"What's your level of pain been like?" He asked as he adjusted his think framed glasses.

"I have mostly good days, but there have been a couple of days this month that were almost unbearable. Luckily they were days that Mike was at work; I could take a pain pill and curl up in bed. I do have to say that the bad days are a lot fewer than before the surgery."

"Good, I'm happy to hear that. Any discomfort during sex?"

She shook her head; she was elated when a month ago Dr. Roberts gave them the go ahead. "Nope, Mike's real careful and the pillow under my hips helps a lot."

"Good! I reviewed the x-rays we took yesterday; the bones are healing nicely. The arthritis is a tad more prominent; I'd like to increase the dosage on your anti-inflammatory. Call me if your pain increases any before our next visit. Any questions?"

Dr. Roberts scribbled the prescription on a small pad, and then handed it to her. Jess shifted awkwardly on the table. She inhaled deeply; she had to know.

"Actually yes I do. I was..uh…was…um…"

"Out with it child, I've heard almost everything you'd could think of from various patients."

"Doc, I was wondering if…if I would be able to bear children."

He chuckled softly; it was a common question among younger women that suffered a pelvic trauma.

"I don't foresee any problem, but I'll have to monitor you closely during that time. You may end up on bed rest your last trimester; we will have to wait and see. Be advised that natural birth may not be an option."

"That's ok, Doc as long as I can provide children for my soon to be husband. We both value them so much and would welcome a large family."

E!

"Michael! Michael!"

Hearing her frantically call his name Mike bolted out of the bedroom wearing nothing but his boxers. He slipped on the hall rug and fell to one knee. Fearing she'd somehow hurt herself, he quickly ran to the kitchen. Jess gave him a bewildered look from the kitchen table as he leaned out of breath on the counter.

"Jesse, are you all right?!" he asked still trying to catch his breath. He stretched upright attempting to increase his air intake.

She turned in the wooden chair to face him. "Yes, why wouldn't I be? I haven't fallen in months."

He gave her an exasperated look.

"You yelled for me and now you act like nothing's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong. I just wanted to tell you I found it!" she said excitedly.

He pulled his chair out from under the table crowded with numerous bridal magazines and catalogs. He shook his head; it was a false alarm. She was just excited about finally finding a dress she liked.

"It's about time; the wedding is next month. I was afraid you'd walk down the aisle in jeans and a t-shirt. Of course I'd accept you either way."

She laughed light-heartedly as she laid a catalog in front of him. She pointed to a simple A-line tea length dress featuring an off the shoulder neckline. Delicate paisley printed lace wrapped just below the shoulders down the model's back and stopped at the small of her back. The same lace trimmed the bottom of the dress.

"You know its bad luck for the groom to see the dress before the wedding."

She pulled the book back in front of her and stuck her tongue out at him.

"Michael, we are still together after everything we've been through; I doubt you seeing the dress will wreck our future."

He laughed as he stacked the magazines in a neat pile. She was right; the past year had been hell, but he felt closer to her now than ever.

"If that's the one you want then get it; it will look way better on you than her."

"So have you found your best man, yet?"

"I was asking Johnny, but you beat me to it by asking him to escort you. I asked Cap yesterday, but he hasn't gotten back to me yet. Oh, the guys did agree the dress uniform was a better choice seeing we met in the department."

E!

"Jesse, are you sure?" John asked in concern as he held her crutches.

She asked him to take them to the altar and place them carefully out of sight. She didn't want to walk down with them, but agreed to use them during the ceremony.

"Yes Johnny I'm sure. I may have to lean a little on you, but I'm sure I can make the short distance."

He held the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he stared at the red carpet. She was taking a huge risk.

"Jess, if you fall it will be more of an embarrassment than walking down with them. Everyone here doesn't care if you walk with them; they just are thrilled that you and Mike are finally tying the knot. Trust me they won't be focused on the crutches; they will be captivated by your beauty."

She blushed at his complement as she placed them under her arms.

"Yeah, well you don't look too bad yourself."

He carefully adjusted the head band of the long delicate veil covering the top of her head. He studied her carefully, and then gently pushed it back from her shoulders.

"Don't let Mike hear you say that. Besides I'm doomed to be a bachelor for life."

"No you're not; the right girl just hasn't come along yet. Trust me she'll arrive when you least expect it. Ask Michael, he will tell you all about it."

The door to the bridal room opened partially and Cap stuck his head in. He gave Jess a warm smile.

"You ready? Family's being seating now; you might want to head down to the main door to the sanctuary. Jesse I have to say other than my wife I've never seen such a beautiful bride. Mike is one lucky man."

John stuck his chest out proudly as he scratched it with his middle finger.

"I'm one lucky guy to be able to give her to him."

Cap rolled his eyes as he closed the door. "Twit." He mumbled under his breath.

E!

In the groom's room Mike paced anxiously back and forth. He didn't know why he was so nervous; he loved her beyond all measure. Maybe it was that after today she'd be known as Mrs. Michael Stoker. Being married was a huge responsibility; especially if they had children. Captain Stanley watched as his engineer paced from one side to the other. Stretching his tall lean frame he rose from the antique chair next to the door.

_Enough is enough. Gee, Pal what are you afraid of?_

He stepped in Mike's path and stopped him with his hand. He forced Mike to sit on a narrow bench.

"Michael, what are you so afraid of?"

Mike shrugged as he placed his head in his hands.

"I don't know Hank; I guess I wonder if I'm good enough to be her husband."

Cap took a seat next to him and placed his hand on Mike's shoulder.

"Mike, you are just what she needs. I don't know about your faith or if you even have one, but I assure you God destined for you two to be together. He's gifted you with patience, understanding, and love beyond anything I've ever seen. Jesse didn't land in our station by chance; she arrived because you needed each other. I'm not saying it will be easy, but it is worth it. Now come on; we have some celebrating to do."

E!

John and Jess waited patiently for their turn to walk down the aisle. She twisted the handles of her crutches anxiously. He wrapped his arm around her.

"Why are you nervous? It's just people from the station and their family. My parents even made it down from Montana. You'll love them and I know they'll love you. Hell the way I look at it you two have been married for a while; now it's just legal."

He turned his ear toward the altar as he placed his hand softly on the small of her back.

"They're playing our tune."

The doors opened to show the entire A-shift and their families. The station wives did an excellent job of decorating the small chapel. Red carnations interlaced with delicate white ribbons adorned the ends on the pews. John carefully guided her down the aisle to Mike. Mike's eyes filled with tears; he'd never seen anything so beautiful. Jess beamed as she and John came to a stop in front of the pastor.

"Who gives this bride away?" the pastor asked as he glanced up from his bible.

John stood straighter as he answered, "The A-shift of Station 51."

The elderly pastor gave them a bewildered look as he nodded. He'd never heard that one before, but in his opinion firefighters were odd to begin with. He still couldn't believe they'd chosen dress uniforms over the traditional tuxedos. He adjusted his bifocals before addressing the small group gathered in front of him.

"Family and friends, we gather here today to celebrate the union of Michael Stoker and Jesse Johnson. The couple has decided to exchange vows written by their own hand."

Mike frantically checked his pockets; he panicked when he couldn't find them. Cap chuckled as he handed a small sheet of paper to him.

"You forgot this, Pal." He whispered.

Mike's face turned bright red as he unfolded the paper. He cleared his throat quietly.

"Jesse, the first time I saw you my heart stopped as I was captivated by your beauty. Getting to know the real you took a lot of time and effort, but I am glad I didn't give up. Most of the time I love your free spirit; sometimes it drives me up the wall. Like the time you snuck out of the house because I wouldn't take you to the beach."

Chuckles filled the room causing Mike to grin widely.

"I have seen you at your best and worst. Though our first year together was filled with more hardships than I care to count, I wouldn't trade it for the world because it taught me the true meaning of love. Baby, I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness, and have the patience that love demands. I will forever be there to laugh with you, to lift you up when you are down, and to love you unconditionally for as long as I live."

Jess wiped the tears from her eyes as he placed a narrow white gold band on her finger. She inhaled deeply before taking a small scrap of paper from John.

"Michael, I never though in a million years that I would find the love of my life in a fire station, you are my friend, my smile, and my constant companion. You loved me when I didn't love myself. You gave me love when I didn't deserve it. You helped pull me from the darkness and into the light. I take you as my best friend, lover, and constant companion. I promise to love you no matter what this life throws at us."

The pastor moved closer to the couple; he raised his hands and addressed the group.

"By the power vested in me by the State of California, I now pronounce you man and wife. Friends and family I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Michael Stoker. You may now kiss your bride."

Whoops and hollers rose from the men of station 51 as Mike gave her a tender and passion filled kiss. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder as he faced his friends.

"Barbeque and beer at the Stoker house at three, everyone is invited. Yes Stoker's Secret sauce was used in the making of said barbeque."

E!

Mike held his bride tightly from behind as the two shared the neon green lounge chair. As soon as they arrived at home both exchanged their wedding clothes for shorts and t-shirts before making final preparations for the small group of people they invited. She lay using him as a human chair with her head nestled next to his. She inhaled deeply taking in his scent. It was official he was hers forever.

They watched their friends enjoy each other's company in their large back yard. Sunlight filtered softly through the trees. Apollo went from person to person attempting to score some left overs, but he was shooed away by everyone except John who gave him an uneaten rib. Mike reached over and pulled out a couple of beers from the small cooler beside him.

"Need a refill?" He asked pointing to the can in her hand.

"Sure." She replied as she accepted his offering.

She popped the tab then proceeded to down half the can in one drink. Mike laughed softly; he swore Jess could out drink a college student at a frat party.

"So are you going to tell me where we are going tomorrow?"

He took a long drink before answering. "Nope, I told you it's a surprise, but I promise you'll love it."

She turned so she could see his face as she placed her can on the ground beside her. She tenderly stroked his face and moved closer to him. She placed her lips inches from his.

"Sure you don't want to tell me?" She asked seductively.

"Jesse Lynn Stoker, I'm not telling!" He whispered. Closing the gap between them, he gave her an intensely passionate kiss. Feeling him tenderly caress her body caused her to give a soft moan. She couldn't wait till they were alone.

"EWWW Gross!" yelled Jenny DeSoto.

"Their married; they can if they want to. Mom and Dad do it all the time!" Chris DeSoto countered.

"Nuh uh, I've never seen them kiss like THAT!"

Mike pulled back blushing; he'd forgotten Roy and Joann brought the kids. He looked to Roy and mouthed 'sorry'. Roy just smiled and waved back. Jess laid her head against Mike's shoulder and breathed a sigh of contentment. In her opinion right now life couldn't get any better; she had a man and adopted family that loved her.

E!

"So where did Mike and Jess go for their honeymoon?" John asked as he pulled up a chair to the table.

Cap looked up from the stack of reports in front of him. He laid his pen on the table as he stood.

"Would you believe Maui?"

John stared in amazement as he placed two fingers on the table "Wow, Maui, how long did he have to save up for that?!"

Roy rolled his eyes as he entered the kitchen; sometimes his partner was just too noisy. He blew the steam off his cup of coffee.

"If you have to know; it was a gift from his parents. They couldn't make the wedding, so they sent Mike and Jess there."

Chet snickered from the couch. "How much you want to bet that Jesse comes back pregnant?"

Throwing a rolled up piece of newspaper, John gave him a disgusted look. Chet held up his hands defensively.

"Hey they're married! Mike doesn't have to be careful anymore. Besides Maui is a romantic place."

John turned away from him.

"Oh, Chet shut up!"


	27. Chapter 27

Ch. 27

Jesse stood in front of a full length mirror in the bedroom preparing for an unexpected trip to Malibu. Bright sunlight filtered through the open window. A soft breeze moved the thin curtains away from the sill. It was half past nine and they were just starting their day. Because she'd been so tired lately Mike decided to let her sleep in. While preparing breakfast he decided they'd take the dune buggy out for a trip to Malibu. After eating on the patio he'd sent her in to get ready while he checked out the buggy.

She adjusted the top of her denim shorts; they rested right below her tan line and wouldn't go any higher over a small bulge in her belly. Her bikini bottoms were even worse.

"Come on, just a little higher. Why did you have to show up all of a sudden? I thought I wouldn't show for at least another month!" She whispered loudly at her belly.

She was only three months along, but a small bump was already starting to show. It grew more noticeable during the past week probably due to her small stature. Mike didn't know she was expecting their first child; he thought she'd finally gained some weight and lovingly teased her about it. She refused his advances the past two weeks fearing he'd find out. That and she was just too tired. Now with her belly growing he was sure to notice.

For some unknown reason she was afraid to tell him. Maybe it was because she'd gotten pregnant a couple of months before their wedding or the fact she worried the alcohol she consumed on their wedding night may have harmed the child growing inside her. If only she'd known before she would have avoided the alcohol.

She softly ran a hand across her belly wondering if it was a girl or a boy. She wished for a boy; she wanted desperately to give a first-born son. Of course either one was fine; it would be loved no matter its gender. A soft knock on the door caused her to jump. She searched frantically for something to cover her rounded figure, but it was too late the door was opening.

Mike cautiously opened the door hoping she wasn't fully dressed yet. He wasn't too disappointed when he saw her scantily clad in a bikini top and short denim shorts. Against the neon pink of her top the honey skin seemed darker and more vibrant. As she turned slowly to face him he noticed her stomach was more prominent and her breasts seemed fuller barley fitting in the skimpy top. His heart seemed to skip a beat as he drew in a ragged breath. Her stomach was perfectly rounded and not the result of gaining a few extra pounds.

"Baby, are you…are you…pregnant?"

She nodded slowly as tears filled her eyes; this wasn't how she wanted him to find out. She stared at the floor while playing with the frayed edge of her shorts. With mixed emotions he took her in a warm embrace. He became excited, nervous and scared at the same time. He loved children, but hadn't expected one of his own so soon. He inhaled the cherry vanilla scent of her shampoo deeply.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She struggled to find the words to answer his simple yet difficult question. She buried her head in his chest as she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist remembering when she found out two weeks ago.

_It was three weeks after they got home from the week-long trip to Maui and she sat anxiously on the side of the whirlpool tub. She worried because this was the third period she'd missed; it was a week overdue. Missing the first two didn't worry her; since the accident she'd been irregular, missing often two at a time. Not to mention Mike always used protection, but missing three threw up a huge red flag. She bit her nails as she waited for the results of the at home pregnancy test sitting beside her. Jess wasn't too sure how much she trusted it; stupid things were new. After waiting the required time she carefully picked up the test. Her eyes turned misty; it was positive. Fear ran through her as she tried to calculate how far along she was. Last one was in May, missed the next two months, and now this one. Three months!? Oh, God, I drank while pregnant!_

"I was…I was scared." Jess replied in a muffled voice.

His last breath came out softly as he pulled her away. Sometimes understanding her proved a difficult task. He studied her face searching for an answer.

"Jesse, why are you scared, we agreed we wanted children, granted I wasn't expecting to so soon."

Jess wiped her eyes with the back of her hand as she answered. "I was pregnant before our wedding…"

He caressed her damp cheek tenderly. Her face seemed so radiant under her sparkling slate blue eyes; other than at their wedding he'd never seen her look so beautiful.

"Ok, why is that a problem?"

She pushed him away and sat on the edge of their bed. Guilt filled her as she thought about their wedding night; she drank a few beers with their friends and had several of the Jell-O shots they saved for when they were alone. That didn't include the couple of drinks she had while in Maui.

"Michael, do you remember how much I had to drink at our reception and during our honeymoon? I'm…I'm afraid I may have hurt…"

He took her tightly in his arms. "Baby, did you know then you were pregnant?"

She shook her head as her eyes became misty. "I didn't find out till we got home from Maui. I missed my cycle the month before and didn't think anything of it. You know how irregular I am; but after all the nausea, tiredness and missing another cycle I took a test. It came back positive; Michael, I may have hurt our child. I'm…I'm sorry!"

Mike tenderly ran his hand through her soft black hair. "I don't think you have anything to worry about; my sister did something similar and her kid is ok. I'm sure everything will be fine. Baby, how far along are you?"

She tried desperately to pull her top over so it covered her better. "Three months, I think. I haven't been to the doctor yet."

_THREE MONTHS and she's already showing?! Ok, calm down! Jess is small and I'm, well, not. The child probably has my build. But when did I…_

His mind flashed back to two months before the wedding and the last time they spent the night in Malibu. It was quite a wild night; they'd gone to a new night club and had a little too much to drink. Back at the hotel Jess was aggressive, intent on having her way with him. Between the excitement of her returning to her old playful self and being a little intoxicated he'd forgotten to use a condom. That had to have been the night she conceived; it was the only time he failed to use protection. He carefully placed his hands on her stomach. Jess giggled as his calloused fingers softly moved across the bump.

"Baby, I'm sure the baby is ok; please stop worrying. Just be sure to tell the doctor."

She laid her head against his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his firm waist.

"I'm still scared; I don't know the first thing about taking care of a baby."

"Well, I don't either; we will learn together, ok?"

"Ok. We're still taking the buggy out, right?"

He laughed softly as he gave her a gentle squeeze. "Yeah, but you're going to behave. I don't want anything bad to happen to the two of you."

E!

Mike and Jess lounged on the pristine white beach watching the waves roll in as the sun set. Beautiful golden hues danced off the tops of the waves causing them to shine like diamonds. Mike looked at her and smiled; in the soft glow of the setting sun she was radiant. He was glad she decided to wear her bikini. It took a lot of work, but he convinced her to keep it on. She argued it showed too much of her belly and didn't cover her properly. He told her she looked gorgeous and the small bulge in her belly was cute. Growing inside was something conceived in love; in his opinion it is nothing to be ashamed of.

She snuggled closer to his bare chest as she looked in his brilliant blue eyes. The red and gold tones enhanced his handsome face. He pulled her closer as they shared an intimate kiss. They could hear the elderly couple next to them scoff and mutter under their breath 'imagine doing THAT in public; they should go to their room.' Neither of them cared. Jesse giggled as her stomach growled loudly. She placed her hands on his chest as she pulled away.

"Michael, I'm getting a little hungry."

He laughed knowing it would be her favorite phrase for the next seven months. He pulled her carefully to her feet as he shot the couple next to them a 'mind your own business' look. In spite he leaned in and gave her another kiss and gently squeezed her butt.

_What do you think of that?!_

"Well my lady, what do you think about going to that steak house we saw earlier?" He asked as he handed her the crutches. "Then we'll come back, snuggle in bed, and enjoy a movie."

"I'd love that."

E!

Jesse lay asleep in his arms; he watched her steady rhythmic breathing as he'd done so many nights before. He laughed softly; they missed the movie they started when they got back from dinner.

_I should know by now that snuggling in bed always leads to something else with Jesse._

He lovingly placed his hand on her stomach; he still couldn't believe he was going to be a father. Mike was a little hurt she hadn't told him sooner, but Jess always hid things she wasn't sure how to handle. Sometimes her fearful nature worried him; it wasn't healthy.

His mind wandered to his own parents; he was still angry they didn't come to his wedding. Yeah the trip to Maui was nice, but he really wanted them there to meet Jesse. His mother was upset he married a 'crippled' girl; she was afraid that Jess wouldn't be able to give her grandchildren. His father as usual showed no interest in his affairs. He sighed loudly as he wondered what his parents would say about Jess's pregnancy.

"You ok?" Jesse asked softly.

He cringed not realizing he woke her up. He wrapped his arm around her tighter as he kissed her forehead.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking, sorry I woke you."

She nestled deeper against him and softly ran her fingers up and down his chest. She knew what he was upset about and hated his parents showed him little attention.

"Michael, please stop worrying what they think. I know your mom doesn't like me because of something she doesn't understand. I'm ok with that; maybe one day she will take the time to look past my injury get to know me. Your father is too busy engrossed in his work to care about anyone in his family. I hope one day things will change with them; I want our children to know their grandparents."

"I want that too Jess, but I'm afraid it may not happen. You know I'm the least favorite of the Stoker children; my brother and sister take up all their time. I was an accident and they never let me forget it."

Jess leaned up on her elbow. In her eyes no child is ever an accident; they may be unexpected but never an accident. Her heart ached seeing the pain in his eyes. She lovingly stroked the side of his face.

"Michael, you are not an accident; you were given life for a purpose only you can fill! Children are given life for a reason; it's up to the parents to find that reason and nurture it. Sometimes people are so blinded by their wants that an unexpected child is considered a burden. I'm sorry your parents are those types of people, but you can change how you handle our children. I will love all of them, whether planned or not. You have to decide to love; our first is unexpected and I know you don't want him to feel the way you do."

Mike smiled; his wife always knew what to say to change his spirits. He gently pushed her down on the bed and whispered softly in her ear.

"I choose to love this child as well as any others we have."

E!

"Hey Pal, glad to have you back! How were your days off?" Cap asked as he poured a mug of coffee.

"Great, we had an awesome time; the weather couldn't have been better. Jess had a blast in the buggy. I found out I'm going to be a father and I didn't want to come home. Overall it was a fairly normal trip." Mike said quickly before taking a long drink from the blue and white ceramic mug.

Cap leaned over across the table almost knocking his mug over. His thick eyebrows rose in surprise as he held up his right hand.

"Whoa, hang on! Did you just say something about Jess expecting?" He stated loudly.

Almost running into the door John rushed in with a bag of D5W from the bay. His face full of curiosity; surely he heard wrong. "Jess is pregnant?!"

Chet casually strolled in from the bay with a nozzle in hand. His blue eyes looked calmly to his shocked team mates.

"Did I not tell you she would come back preggo; none of you noticed how she seemed to have a radiant glow in her face at the wedding? Here I thought that firemen had an excellent knack for noticing stuff. Especially you Mike; I mean you share a bed with her and you didn't know?"

Mike calmly took another drink from his mug and stared over at the three sets of eyes glaring at him. They were waiting for confirmation of the recent development in the Stoker household. Mike stood and walked to the sink. As he deposited his mug in the soapy water he answered.

"Yeah, we're expecting. Jess is seeing the OB today to determine exactly when the baby's due. I roughly figure my son or daughter will arrive sometime in March."

Chet pointed the chrome nozzle at him; his blue eyes staring in amazement as he walked closer. Chet poked the nozzle in Mike's chest.

"So this kid's an accident; I mean you didn't plan of getting her pregnant right off the bat. You said you wanted to wait at least a year."

Anger filled Mike as he roughly pushed the nozzle away. "No, it's not an accident! Yeah I had other plans, but we are expecting anyway. I won't have you or anyone else calling my child an accident!"

Cap stood between the two fearing that Mike would take a swing at the younger man. He knew about Mike's conflict with his parents and how much pain it caused him. Mike leaned hard into the hand that was holding him back as he glared at the short Irishman.

"Hey, take it easy. Chet, Mike's personal affairs is none of your business. Mike, I'm sure Chet didn't mean for his comment to sound like that. So let's leave the subject as Mike will be a dad."

Chet shifted uncomfortably as he polished the nozzle. Cap was right; Mike's decision to have a kid was not his business.

"Sorry about what I said, Stoker. I'm happy for you, really I am."

Chet's apology fell on deaf ears as Mike headed to the bay.

E!

"Mike, phone's for you. It's Jesse." Cap stated as he returned to the table.

Mike took the call in Cap's dimly lit office; he felt the need for privacy. He leaned back in the chair preparing for Jess's news; he too worried about the baby.

"Hi, baby. How did the appointment go?"

"Good, its official we're expecting! Doc says I'm a little over thirteen weeks. Our son or daughter will be here around March second. September seventeenth we will be able to tell what we're having. I want it to be a surprise, but I'll go with whatever you want."

Mike doodled the date on the notepad in front of him. He was hoping for a son, but a daughter would be just as welcome. He wasn't sure if he wanted to wait till delivery to know the child's gender.

"Did you ask about the alcohol?"

Jess let out a soft whimper as she adjusted herself on the couch.

"Yeah, he wasn't too thrilled about me not coming in the first period I missed. I tried to explain that since the accident I haven't been regular, but he's still pissed. He says he doesn't believe any damage was done, but it's too soon to tell."

Mike tapped the pen nervously against the desk.

"Ok, then we will wait and see. You mentioned a sonogram on…"

He paused as he heard something in the background. "Jess, you ok?"

"Yeah, I just dropped my cup on the floor. Apollo, get the cup! Doc said when he does the sonogram on the seventeenth we'd be able to tell if it's a boy or girl."

"Jess, I'm not sure if I want to wait till delivery to find out." He said as he switched the phone to his other shoulder.

"Ok, we can talk about it when you get home tomorrow. I'll let you go; I'm sure you're in the middle of dinner. I love you and stay safe."

"Love you too, baby."

"Why do you do that?" came John's voice from behind.

Mike turned to face his friend who was leaning against the door's frame. John uncrossed his arms and sat on the edge of the desk.

"Do what?"

John pointed to the phone with his middle finger. "You always tell her you love her before hanging up. Why?"

As he stood, Mike placed his hands on his hips.

"You of all people should know why. If my time comes while I am at work I want the last words we hear from each other to be 'I love you.' Those are the last words I said to her the night of the accident; if she had died that night, she would have died knowing I loved her. If I die in the line of duty I will die knowing she loves me."


	28. Chapter 28

_A/N: I apologize for the delay in posting this chapter. I've been editing previous chapters hoping to clarify some things, correct grammatical errors and give my characters more depth. Chapters 1- 9 are revised. I hope to edit at least one chapter for every new one I post. Again thanks for reading. Constructive criticism is always appreciated._

Ch. 28

"Jess, you look beautiful." John stated as he entered the Stoker's home.

He wrapped an arm around her and gave her a big hug. She blushed. At twenty-two weeks she didn't feel beautiful. She was amazed at how big her stomach already was. She wondered if she was going to make it to her due date. She made her way to the kitchen. Though she still used crutches her hips had a gentle sway to them. John followed her and placed the dish of fruit salad on the counter. Mike told him Jess craved fruit, so he decided to cater to her instead of the guys. He leaned on his arms against the counter top.

"So do you know what you're having yet?"

She shook her head as she smiled. "Nope, we want it to be a surprise. The guys are out back if you'd like to join them. I'll be out shortly."

"You're having a boy." He replied as he pulled the lid off the Tupperware container.

John reached across the counter, opened the silverware drawer and pulled out a large spoon. He placed a generous serving of fruit on a paper plate. As he pushed to plate to her he cocked his hip and leaned against the counter. Jess stared at him suspiciously.

"How do you know? Did you get Dix or someone to tell you?"

Since they shared a common heritage he felt comfortable telling her some about his vision. He made the mistake one time of telling Roy about one of his dreams. Chet over heard and made fun of him for weeks. He did feet it was important he didn't tell her everything the vision revealed to him.

"Nope, the Great Spirit gave me a dream the other night. In it you delivered a healthy and strong boy. By the way he's absolutely beautiful." He said as he took a strawberry from the bowl.

Jess laughed. It had been a long time since she heard anyone talk of the Great Spirit. She never guessed John still held to the beliefs of his ancestors. Her parents tried to take her to the reservation at least once a year so she could learn about her heritage. Sometimes she enjoyed visiting. Especially on days she got to visit with the tribe's shaman, White Wolf. She picked out some pineapple as she weighed the validity of John's vision. White Wolf told her that all were gifted with different abilities. Some had visions; others like her were talented artists.

"A boy, huh? That will make Michael very happy. He's hoping for a son; but let's not say anything. It will ruin the surprise. Come on, we'd better join the party or he will worry."

Carrying her plate John followed her to the back yard. He felt guilty about not revealing the entire dream, but he didn't want to upset her.

Mike's face lit up as he saw Jess coming out of the house. She flashed him a spirited smile as she took her seat in her favorite lounge chair. After she adjusted both the back of the chair and herself John placed the plate on top of her belly. She laughed.

"Funny Johnny, real funny."

John shrugged and gave her a Gage smile.

"Well I thought you used that as your table. I mean it is right there and all."

"Thanks for the fruit. Now go play with your friends!" She said as she shooed him away.

"Yes, mom!" he replied as he headed off.

Mike chucked as he crossed the lawn carrying a plate full of barbeque, baked beans, and potato salad. _Sometimes John still acts like he's ten years old!_

"Mind if I join you, gorgeous?" He asked.

He pulled up a lawn chair and handed Jess the plate. She blushed a little as she accepted it. She was slightly embarrassed about the amount of food she's been eating lately. Mike assured her that it was ok. After all she was eating for two now.

"I'm not gorgeous. I feel like a beached whale."

He tenderly caressed her cheek. In his eyes she was the most beautiful person he knew.

"Baby, if I say your gorgeous then you are. You look absolutely radiant. Now eat you dinner."

E!

Mike sat on the bed propped up by pillows reading _A Wrinkle in Time._ He knit his brows as he read. It was an interesting book to say the least. As he turned the page he heard Jess call from the master bath room.

"Uh, Michael!"

He quickly set the book down on the tan satin sheets and headed to the closed door. He worried about her. The bigger she grew the more unstable she was on her feet. He knocked before slowly opening it.

"Yeah, baby."

The lights were dim and lit candles were placed safely around the room. He inhaled deeply the scent of lavender and vanilla. He turned his eyes to his wife. Jesse sat reclined in the whirlpool tub. A well rounded stomach rose out of the copious amount of bubbles surrounding her. Her wet hair was spiked up and her face though glowing held a discouraged look. She gave him a sad and disappointed look. He turned on the main light and proceeded to extinguish the candles.

"I need help. I can't get out." She said softly as her face became red.

He gave her a half smile as he pulled a soft navy blue towel from the shelf. He sat on the edge of the tub and unfolded the towel.

"I don't know. I may leave you in there." He teased as he threw the towel over his shoulder.

Jess playfully flicked bubbles at him. "You wouldn't dare!"

He gave her another half grin. As he leaned over she placed her arms around his neck and he carefully helped her stand. Mike wrapped an arm around her waist as she stepped up out of the oversized tub. He ran his hand softly across her wet stomach. Between her fuller breasts and the cute well rounded belly he found her new shape very sexy. Before meeting her he would never believe a pregnant woman could be so attractive. She gave him a seductive look as he wrapped the towel around her and lovingly dried her off. She motioned for him to lean closer. She draped an arm across his broad shoulders as she placed her lips inches from his ear.

"I want you." She whispered softly before placing a line of delicate kisses down his neck.

E!

Jess and Mike sat at the breakfast table enjoying a meal together before he headed to work. Jess smiled at him over her mug admiring him. She was glad she wasn't able to get out of the tub last night. It lead to a very passion filled night. Mike's fork stopped halfway. She'd been starting at him all morning.

"What?!"

"Nothing, I'm just thinking about last night and how amazingly hot you are." She replied as she gave a sultry smile.

Mike smiled as he took the last bite. He stretched his broad frame and yawned as he rose out of the chair. He got little sleep last night, but he didn't mind. Expressing his love for her physically was one of his favorite things.

"Are you done?" He asked as he reached down to take her plate.

She nodded as she finished her second mug of hot chocolate. After placing the dishes in the sink he picked up his keys. Jesse rose slowly and followed him to the door. On his way out he softly ran his hand down her cheek and gave her a tender kiss.

"Love you, baby."

"I love you too, sexy. Be safe. Call around dinner if you can."

E!

Mike stood at his locker preparing for another shift. Cap came in and placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Mike, how's Jess?"

Mike nodded as he buttoned up his shirt. Jess was doing well considering she was seven months pregnant. The past few months really tried her patience as her mobility became slightly limited.

"She's doing well, Cap. Don't tell her I told you, but I can't believe how big she's gotten. If I didn't know better I'd say she's having twins."

Cap chuckled as he placed his hands on his narrow hips. He couldn't believe it's been seventeen years since his wife was expecting. Sometimes he missed those days.

"Enjoy it, time passes quickly. In the blink of an eye this one will be grown."

Mike agreed. It seemed like yesterday he'd just found out they were having a baby.

Suddenly the Klaxons sounded.

"Engine 10, Station 36, Station 51, explosion at the refinery. 3567 East Sepulveda, 3567 Sepulveda, cross street South Alemeda, Time out 8:45."

Mike gave his Captain a worried look as he drove the engine out of the bay.

"Cap that's the refinery that failed fire inspection last week."

Captain Stanley's eyebrows knit together tightly as his face turned gravely serious.

E!

"Engine 51 lay duels on the east side and aid Engine 36."

Mike pulled the engine along Engine 36 and quickly vacated the engine. Captain Stanley placed a clamp on the main supply line and signaled Roy to charge the line. Mike quickly removed the cap to the pump's intake and placed the supply line on it. Feeling the heat off the involved plant caused him to wipe his face on his jacket.

"Stoker, set the pressures on the two and a half lines. I need you to help Ben with one of them. Don't worry I'll keep an eye on the gauges."

Mike nodded as he charged the two lines. Cap was the only person he trusted with the pump. He wasn't looking forward the handling the straight nozzle with Ben as his lineman. Ben was too reckless. He ran to the younger man and signaled he was taking point. Ben reluctantly handed him the nozzle and took his place behind.

Mike braced himself as he turned on the nozzle. Every once in a while he loved actually fighting the fire instead of running the pumps. He placed one hand under the base of the nozzle and the other on top attempting to steady the stream. He aimed it at the base of the fire. Feeling the line pulling him back he turned to the man behind him.

"Ben! You have to help man. Either push that line forward or I'll find someone who can!"

Ben glared at his superior as he struggled to push the line.

"Fuck Stoker, if you wouldn't place the pressure so high I might be able to handle it."

Mike shook his head. He wouldn't dignify that comment with an answer. He'd been an engineer for seven years now. The pressure in the line was no more than usual.

_He's been with the department well over a year; by now he should know how to handle a two and a half inch line. _

In Mike's eyes if the rookie couldn't handle it then he was in the wrong line of work. Firefighting is an intensely physical job. He felt the line pulling again. He felt his temper rising.

"Come on Ben! My wife is three inches shorter and at least 50 pounds lighter than you and she could handle a line perfectly."

"Yeah?! Well your wife didn't last in the department very long! What does that tell you?" Ben sneered.

Overhearing Ben's inappropriate comment to Mike caused Chet to shake his head in disbelief. Ben didn't understand what Jess sacrificed so he could live. He also couldn't believe that Ben would try to pick a fight in the middle of fighting fire. Conversations like that needed to be said at the house. He decided to talk with Cap about Ben's reckless behavior. Mike swallowed hard as he tried to control the wrath he felt. He knew better than to handle conflict on the fire ground. He focused on fighting the fire.

Cap watched the pair carefully. He'd placed Mike with Ben hoping the rookie would finally learn something. If Ben would swallow his pride he would learn something from a seasoned fireman like Mike. Seeing Ben not holding up his end of the work caused Cap to shake his head.

"This isn't going to work." He muttered under his breath.

E!

Fighting the chemical laced fire was an arduous task. Mike was getting tired. He not only had to control the stream of water but support weight of the line. Numerous times he asked Ben to help. Ben would help for a short time before loosening his grip on the line leaving Mike once again to handle the line alone.

_This has to stop! Handling line is at least a two man job!_

The team stood between two rows of pipes. Each row had numerous pipes wrapped around each other. Mike felt slightly nervous as he advanced deeper between the rows. Steam rose rapidly around them as water sprayed on the hot pipes. Mike felt the hair rise on the back of his neck as he smelled the distinct smell of ammonia.

He quickly shut off the nozzle as he yelled. "Ben get the fuck out of here. It's going to blow!"

E!

Jesse sat on the couch eating another plate of mixed fruit. She leisurely flipped through a catalog full of nursery items. She glanced at the clock. It was past time for Mike to call. He called every day he was on shift to check in on her. Normally he called at one, but sometimes it was later if he was on a run. She shrugged figuring he was out on a run.

Hearing the phone ring caused her to smile. She loved hearing about his day. She reached behind her and picked up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Jesse, this is Captain Stanley…"

Her heart seemed to stop in her chest. Cap never called while on duty. It meant one thing something happened to Michael. She drew in a ragged breath as her eyes began to mist. She prayed this day would never come.

"Jesse, there's been an accident."


End file.
